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Carolyn Cagnon Dec 2017
You can't repair her heart for it is too far broken,
You can't take back words that were never spoken,
You wish like hell you could change the past,
But your ****** up relationship just wouldn't last,
And now you search for yourself in the bottom of a whiskey bottle,
And you busy your mind to keep from slamming into a wall at full throttle.

Welcome to your existence after breaking such a beautiful spirit,
For making her hate love you are hereby sentenced to fear it.
So tell me dearie was it all worth it?
The mind games, sly words, and *******.
Did you have enough fun while breaking such a kind heart?
Did you laugh as she peeled back her skin; painted with the blood within and called it art,
While she handed you her heart time and time again,
Only to watch you trample it yet keep it on a ******* chain...
So that she may never wander too far,
Did you enjoy ******* that girl's brain?

Was it really ******* worth it in the end?
I hope it was because now you can never make amends.
Enjoy your life long sentence of fearing love...
Since she's now forced to simply hate the idea of it.
Carolyn Cagnon Nov 2017
Arguing until 1am and ******* til 3am.
When did we decide this was healthy?
How the **** did this become our norm?
Two chaotic hearts colliding together,
Chipping away at each other slowly.
We rip into each other constantly...
And we call this **** love?
It's an unhealthy connection...
We need a better definition...
A manual on healthy interactions...
Because this just doesn't make the cut.

If this is love then count me out,
Because I don't need help ripping myself apart bit by ******* bit...
I do it well enough on my own thanks.
Carolyn Cagnon Nov 2017
What is life without loss?
Love without suffering?
Laughter without tears?

So many emotions for one night,
I'm screaming out for help to fight...
I just want a ******* middleground.

Drink a little drink and say a prayer,
Throw some salt into the air...
Anything to escape the hell I'm in.

How do you turn your life around?
I've got so much **** to figure out.
How do I feel joy...yet want to die?

Take the meds they put ya on,
Only to become a shell of yourself.
Gotta figure this **** out...

Good comes mania.

Can't stop, sing, sketch,
Run, a ****** tree house,
Rinse, wash, & repeat until depressed.

Looks like depression's back at it again

Scratch your eyes or slash your wrists,
Looks like you're all ****** up again,
Take your pill and be someone else.

"Welcome to hell, we hope you enjoy your stay. We'll make you feel insane every step of the way until you finally snap...
And just like your sanity,
Your neck shall snap too."
The demons chant in your mind.

This is what it's like to be me at 2 o'clock in the morning...
Welcome to the hell of bipolar disorder...

We hope you enjoy your stay,
It's a lifelong adventure.
Carolyn Cagnon Nov 2017
With the holidays around the corner,
I feel your presence even more.
I saw an angel in a store yesterday,
And almost bought it as a gift for you.
I catch myself talking about you...
As if you were still around today.
With the holidays around the corner,
It's harder to supress the pain.
You were my friend above all else,
I could call on you always.
We spoke often on the phone,
And we checked up on Facebook...
With the holidays around the corner,
I find myself missing you even more.

He hasn't laughed since you passed...
Nor has he smiled since then.
With the holidays around the corner...
I wonder how hard this is on him.
All I know is my heart hurts now,
And I don't know how to fix it.

I really ****** miss you Nanny...
And I don't think I'll be the same again
Carolyn Cagnon Jun 2017
In the moment I wanted to say I hate you.
In the moment I wanted to punch you in the gut,
For it felt as if you had just done that to me.
In the moment I wanted to scream out to show the pain that I was feeling.
In the moment I wanted to rip your heart out and feed it to you...
And yet...

In the moment I laughed,
Put on a brave face,
And said "that didn't hurt...
The way I imagined it would."

In the moment I was right...
In the moment you broke up with me,
I was blissfully numb.

I curled up in bed and breathed a sigh of relief;
And in that moment I began to cry so violently that my lungs wanted to escape,
I begged the tears to stop,
And they kept rolling anyways...
And I looked at places for rent;
In that moment...I was broken.

In the next moment I rebuilt the wall that used to linger around my heart before you claimed it.
Carolyn Cagnon May 2017
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
The shadow creatures aren't my friends.
"Pull at your skin" they mutter,
"You have demons within."
"Scratch away and banish them."
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
The shadow creatures are back again.
"They reside behind your eyes,
Ya better scratch away and banish them."
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
They're back and I can't hide;
For they're in my head you see,
So there is no escape for me.
"Better do as your told or else...
You think we're scary now?"
They all laugh at the pain I am in.
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
They stole my body; I'm captive within.
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch,
Scratch scratch,
Itch itch.
This is not entirely about me, as my voices don't tell me to itch, but they are very much there.
Carolyn Cagnon May 2017
Sweet little bundle of joy,
You are my beloved furbaby.

Sweet kitty naps and kitty kisses,
Sweet little cuddles sessions and kitty baths.
You comfort me when I'm feeling down,
And you love me when when I'm ******,
Sweet little bundle of joy,
You are my beloved furbaby.
I rescued you like you rescued me,
And I can't imagine life without you.
I cherish our cuddles and our naps,
Your tummy rubs and a good scratch.
Sweet little bundle of joy,
You are mybeloved furbaby.
My reason to smile each day...
And I'll never repay you for that,
Though I'll try my very best,
To be the best human you could have,
My sweet little bundle of joy...
My beloved furbaby.
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