I miss the instant connection that we had

Why was it just you?
You,
who through all your drugs and alcohol could still write a paragraph of beauty.
You,
who hid your intelligence under a layer of nonchalance.
You didn’t know how happy I was then
You knew that we clicked like a lock.
But didn’t know that I’ve never felt that before.

You know what I miss?
I miss the ease of a smile around you
The lack of a guard.
The shared brainwave.
I don’t have that here

But the stars are here waiting for you to see
And the roads are open for us to run,
(even though we both despise it with a passion)
And we can sit at a table in the cafeteria and talk about the wildest things but it’s okay
Because they make sense to us.

You know what I miss?
I miss you.

You were so tough because you had to be
It was so rough but it didn’t have to be
But guilt won’t get me anywhere
You built me into who I am and who I wanted to be
Thank you for the strength that carried me through
Thank you for the ways you buried the pain to grow something new
You knew there’d be a better day
Knew there was a better way
To live without being alone
There’s so much you could’ve shown me but I’m grateful
That you knew my limitations
Knew what I could take and what would overtake me
You knew that some of the truth later revealed might break me
So I thank me
You’re a part but you’ll always be part of me
I’ll always be thankful that you carried me through
When all I knew was miles and miles and a worn pair of running shoes
You knew I was worth more
That there was something good in store but in the moment all I felt was sore

i miss being wanted. i know i must have felt it before, because how can one long for something they've never known?
i wish i was able to believe in love outside of view.
but it seems like every new moon i forget your touch
and i'm running through the woods just to make you love me again.
i believe you every time you tell me you could never hate me (how couldn't i)
but sometimes your words don't last.
sometimes i lie in bed trying to make myself dream of you so i won't exhaust you with my cries in the night.
sometimes i want to take advantage of your soft hands
feel safe in your mind
and let you take care of me even when i don't need it.
it makes me feel selfish, to want that kind of love.

Monday, Tuesday , Thursday and Friday,
Are the days I head out to run 2k.

Staying consistent has made me lean,
Discipline fuels me up like caffeine.

Heartbreak
is essential
for the breakthrough.

Not spirit-break.
You can’t break
my spirit.

Can you feel it?
My restless soul
running wild?

You can’t break me.
Don’t try.
I’m not meant to be broken.

Do you feel you’re running twice as fast?
But only getting half as far?
Do you see your money doesn’t last?
No matter how diligent you are?

Do you want to know a better way
Than the dollar’s debasing plan?
A saving method - come what may?
Well with Bitcoin you surely can!

Save in a money with staying power
Not in money losing strength
Bitcoin’s yet young - a budding flower
And will open full bloom at length

Or, just keep on running twice as fast
Yet not going far at all
While the money printers have a blast
And your savings continue to fall