All I can remember is that time in Wal-Mart
when your older sister came to me and asked:
“Is it true that Payton went to the ****** bin?”

I wonder where she heard that lie and how many
more were threaded among Honesdale locals,
weaved into their perceptions of my family--

their shoulders betrayed them when they turned
away as if we were the diseased ones rotting
inside-out--maybe we were, in a way--but at least

swallowing all this salt healed our wounds
faster than your actions would fade from memory.
I punched you the day I found out even as you

scoffed, laughed, you hadn’t ever taken me seriously.
At 17, I had learned not many people would--but
my revenge came after I moved three hours south,

when your father died of cancer, your best friend
crashed your mother’s car, your sister fled
all the way to England to escape the mistakes

eating at her shadow, and I got out of our hellish
town. You became rooted among manure, ***-
holes too deep to outgrow--I’m sure you’re choking

on worms by now. And when I finally reach
the lofty sky, I’ll hold the sun between green hands.
I’ll hide its light and warmth from you.

It’s not over until all the crows
fall from holes opening in the clouds--
sunlight washing cracked concrete white.

I refuse to let your actions fade to static until
the last ca-caw echoes on parkways silent
as the attempted protests of the girls you *****.

I could count five of them by the time I left, yet
none seemed able to open their stitched lips
despite my rallies and strong-worded speeches.

Maybe that’s because you laughed at them, too,
when they threatened to file police reports.
But five years have past since then,

and the rage freezing me from the inside out
has begun to fade, slowly, thawed under
a sun growing steadily more yellow--warm,

my friends always said it would be
if only I would just give it a chance--
all the crows are falling.

i am hallowed and hollow.
a divine being with
something to **** for.

trapped in a flesh cage
i am wild and furious
desperate to be freed.
desperate to be
        violent.

lightning struck me in my
angel childhood
left me with shattered wings
and electric human blood.
i am something in between.

i wish i could meet my match.
i wish i could fight him.
i wish i could win.

i am made of heaven and stardust.
of flesh and bone.
i am made of something inorgnanic,
something untouchable.
if you touch me,
you
will
burn.

I want to beat you to death with a blunt object.

I want to grab one of those high-end fashion mannequins by the ankles and bash your ribcage in.

I want to sharpen fifty pencils, bind them with a rubber band, stick the lead ends in your mouth, and punch the erasers.

I want to strap you to a bed of nails and then strap that bed of nails to the hood of my car so I can watch you suffer as we drive over speed bumps in a mall parking lot during an earthquake.

I want to burn your dog in front of you, mix his ashes with gunpowder, melt his bone-shaped name tag into a small metal ball, load it all into a musket, and shoot you in the face with him.

I want you to somehow survive a terrible car crash and then somehow not survive a small fender ****** on the way back from the hospital.

She was vengeful.
But against whom could she retribute her vengeance?
The rich guy who ***** her and ruined her life?
The police for harassing her in the name of interrogation?
Lawyers who tormented her and ***** her all over again with the twenty questions?
The inconsiderate jury who were bent on paying their children's school fees?
The lab assistant for lying to the jury that she had absolutely no sign of being ***** and she was making this up only because she got pregnant in the act?
The parents and teachers of the evil vandal who made him that way?
The media who were more interested in making it to the front page rather than sympathizing with her?
The government for taking safety precautions so lightly?
Neighbours who looked her down with contempt?
Or herself for not being strong enough to protect herself.
Whom could she blame?

Violent ends to violent means. All turn into violent dreams.
enclose the walls, lock away, walk away, stay away all.
Leaves me alone. Piles of bones, past regrets. Ambulance dance to your romance.
no love is worth this trouble. Touch her again and ill burst your bubble. Cowards crawl here bullies too.
They will quake when they see what I do.
All the rage inside me warring consistently, eternally, externally, internally. Like a fraternity of sin. A battle that no one wins.
still I'm compelled to play. Keeps me alive for the coming day.
See how it is when you can't have your way. Someone's gonna make you pay. Maybe not me, but maybe someday.
Your head will hit the floor, have fun knocking on deaths door.

vicious revenge feel its strain.
Engrained forever on a decaying brain.
For its a plague with no andetote. No cure.
Nothings sacred. nothings pure.
No honor here to gain but a grasp of guilt, sorrow and pain.

A trench deep seated with animosity.
Hearts too blinded by hatred to see.
Its walls engulfing like vines round a tree.
But no vegeance shall set you free.

In realising its errors and fate
The soul desperately searches to escape.
Weary, hollow, it longs to retire
But hatred enslaves as its walls grow higher

For this is one prison sentence that will never transpire..
If you fight fire with fire.

your precious time ends now
others will see your distress
you filthy disgusting cow
i'll make sure your body will be left a mess

your life shall end at the end of a noose
or shall i go for a more painful approach?
have blood flow from your back like juice
crush your throat under my foot like a roach

do you understand how badly i want you to die?
i'm going to crucify you somewhere where everyone will see
just why your nowhere as good as me

         © Luca Abate

It's been a while since i saw that beautiful smile
Seems so long that i can't even distinguish the truth from the lie
It's been ages since i heard that painful sigh
Seems so sad that you feel disgusted by my sight

I've done things i can't explain from the past
Cause dear, i thought it would be easier and the feelings won't last
I'd left you without explaining the truth
The real reason i should have told you while I could

Fate acted like it's the one who'd save the destroyed affair
Making you look like a fool and me, a relationship deceiver
And now, I can't make you listen
Because you want a revenge for us to be even

I know i deserved worse than your cold treatment
I just wish that for once i can make you listen
I've missed your smile and now i can't see that
But dear, I just wish that it would be real and we'll be fine

This is nobody's fault but mine
I've been so coward and weak from time to time
I'd tell you lies for you to hate me more
Now i am apologizing for what i didn't stand up for