RELAPSE
The time when it feels like life is throwing you fire
That moment when you decide to temporary mentally retire
In hopes to repair and recover
Before you got to get your thoughts together
A timer ticking, with less than four days.
Then you realise 2 days have slipped in a foggy haze
Another 12 hours disappear in a blink while I’m stuck in this maze
Mind jammed on repeat, running same old relays
Life on the brink, Useless skits stuck on replay.
Disaster strikes it’s second hit,
With the bowel empty, out of ****,
tired and wired
In some serious need.
Next door possesses my ****,
clock strikes 2am,
no hope for the action called- boomerang
thoughts doing laps- thinking-
Why did I leave it there for so long?
Drug-enduced thoughts shift the blame,
How could they do me so wrong?
By not returning Billson after borrowing,
Leads to plan B’s decease.
The creation of black death to ease the worrying.
Now in search for some other sweet release.
Should have prepared a stash of sleepers
But I’ve used them all up,
Option C – A pill with effects like ******,
Zanexe don’t stand a chance anymore,
Immune to those dowsers, always needing a top-up.
The familiar stench of the chemicals on my skin,
Reminds me of all the times I swore I hated this sin.
Yet here I am again, where on earth do I begin?
Perhaps when I had my first lapse,
6 days ago, 2 points and didn’t collapse.
Which fertilised the seed planted by an addict
1 month off a year clean…
I was truly recovering
Then hell froze over turning my skies unclear,
That tickle got me thoughtful with the unspoken words - ‘I gotta have more’.
For of cause tomorrow I know I will be sore,
With that familiar dismantling pain,
For I have walked this road before.
For it I search, an act previously well-rehearsed
Found and purchase ordered,
I reach into my purse,
And as easy as that, transaction recorded.
- LetterGoddess
