I try to tiptoe across the pain
but you caught my tears hidden by the rain
you try to tell me everything will be okay
But all I hear is that I will always love you

And that you will never feel the same

you liked loud parties
and i liked the quiet nights
you liked jazz music
and i liked dancing with all my might
you liked the sunsets in the evening
i liked sunrises so bright
you'd play the piano
while i was there with joy to sing
blue was your favourite colour
but i favoured other things

you liked the way coffee never went well with cream
pour me an other, tea seems good to me
bright lights and city streets
but i felt the warmth under our sheets
you'd see things in ways i couldn't
but you couldn't see the words
i'd chosen
you picked up graphic tees
in thrift stores, more than one
i preferred long dresses
beach styled
you said were never fun

you had your table scattered 
with all things 
big and small
i had mine at minimalism
some things i wished i could afford

you pictured life like a movie
i, an escape in reality
i always wanted better for us
chasing perfection 
but darling you were just
mere exception

you liked me,
something i could see.
maybe i didnt like you enough
opposites attract?
no, not really.

If my joy and happiness
depends
on telling someone "I love you",
should I tell them?
And if they reject me
will I still have
the joy and happiness
of having expressed my love?

Once she chased happiness
and now she chases broken pieces.
She fell in love with pain,
it drove her insane.
For who would want to hurt themselves?

Who would choose to
love to be heartbroken,
run back to the ones who would hurt,
reminisces painful memories to be hurt,
indulge in negativity, to drown in its depths
be comforted by demons than people.

But no one saw,
for there were no scars,
for it was mental self harm.

Pain it craved,
fear, rejection and sadness it ate.

She cried, because it was self harm
she screamed, and shouted
asking herself did she not love herself
to be hurt by her own self?