To me rejection is like an infection.

I know other opportunities exist
But the feeling of rejection sticks to me like a cyst

I remind myself that there's more out there
That this isn't an attack on me, or signs they don't care

Don't itch a mosquito bite, you'll make it worse
A scab will form, the pain makes you curse

"I'm not good enough" is my bite,
and rejection is the itch that I can't control.

So I sit with these feelings
After elevating my hopes
Sad, depressive thoughts
Immobilize me like ropes

"Be more resilient"
"This shouldn't affect you this much"

These things ring some truth,
but helpful they are not.

I live with intensity, my brain always on
Thinking numerous things, more than humming a song

When excited I'm ecstatic, but when sad I'm more blue
My biology I can't change, coping is all I can do.

So how does one weather crippling rejection?

Believe in yourself, there's still more to do
Keep yourself busy until the storm passes through
Don't beat yourself up for feeling unreasonably blue
Boost yourself up in ways that suit you

Clock says 3:34, Friday afternoon
Waiting for the bell, but it rings too soon
My throat's too parched, butterflies in my stomach
I walk out of class, then I take off running
I hear my voice squeaking, I'm sweating bullets
My heartbeat's racing, I tell myself to cool it
Gotta get myself ready, I'm a nervous wreck
As I put myself out there, stick out my neck
I stroll to her locker, think I'm smooth as butter
Catch her bright gaze, involuntarily I shudder
Never done this before, ****'s scared outta me
So I open my mouth
What's it gonna be?
I squeak out the words
"Will you go out with me?"

No response as she turns back to the metal door
Spins the combination, flicks it back once more
The green rectangle swings open toward me
Now I start to wonder, do I have to repeat?
I quickly say her name, catch her nod from behind
I stare dumbfounded, wish I had a better line
Door slams shut, which way's this gonna go?
She spins then replies...
"Maybe. I don't know."

...Uh, wait, huh? What's that supposed to mean?
I just stare in shock, I feel like I'm turning green
I prepared for the yes, I prepared for the no
But after that answer what the hell do I know?
With a flippant little shrug she brushes right past
Says "I'll catch ya later", disappears into the mass
I'm standing alone, fingers nervously tapping
With a singular thought - What the hell just happened?
I didn't get the yes that I hoped for and expected
And she didn't say no, but I feel pretty **** dejected
Did I get rejected? Well, my ego got bruised
I'm bewildered and perplexed, downright confused
I'm frozen, mystified, as my buddies breeze by
One stops on a dime, spins and looks me in the eye
His expectant look asks a silent yes or no
I just give a little shrug...
"Maybe. I don't know."

They pester me with questions on our long walk home
But I'm totally distracted and I let my mind roam
What does Monday hold in store, will I get an answer?
I feel the panic rising so I join the friendly banter
The weekend creeps by, I'm consumed by my thoughts
Exhausted by the wondering, stomach still in knots
Early Monday morning, confidently stroll to school
But before I reach the door I feel like a **** fool
My eyes scan the grounds and I see where she stands
I spot her...
Another guy...
And their interlocked hands

My jaw drops a foot and I suddenly feel sick
Is she ruthlessly cruel or this a mean trick?
Internally I'm fuming nonstop all day
Externally I'm sweating and the world fades away
It feels like each class is progressively hotter
I ask my last teacher to leave to get some water
The class hears her reply and loses all control
Through the laughter comes her answer...

"Maybe. I don't know."

I finally knew why
His feelings for me has faded
The reason why
He wouldn't want me back
Why
He no longer wants me

It was because
He was able to get the one he wanted
The one he has been waiting for all this while
When I thought I could replace her,
I guess I was wrong
And now I knew why
There is no more us
But only him and her.

I cant feel
anything
for others
anymore

You really
made me
addicted
to you

Made me
Yearn for
your touch
your smile

I cant
find love
from others
anymore

Even if
You're not
with me
anymore

I'm still
waiting
until
you're back

No matter how hard I try to fix what we had.
It's already too late
The damage has been done
You can't fix what's broken



Feelings fade
And he doesn't want me back.