I'm four years old searching for bugs, lizards and frogs then putting them in boxes because I wanted to be like god.
They never lived long.
I buried my pet frog then dug him up to see what death really looked like.
I'm eight years old getting baptized in holy water, my uncle puts me under. They say all my sins have been washed away but I still feel the same. My dad wore his suit and walked like God.

I'm twelve years old behind home plate wearing my battle gear and scabbed knees, look dad! Did you see that catch?  I thought it was beautiful. He says I'm leader of the team.
I'm fifteen years old being swept in to this strong boys arms. All I wanted was my dad. He never taught me the different between a boy and a man.
I'm fifteen and a half, sitting at the park high, pathetically high. My lungs are cussing me out right about now.

I'm fifteen and three quarters being sent to rehab for trying to die because of a boy that was nothing close to being a man.
He left me with ******* in my system


I'm sixteen years old and I found myself a man. He's my NA meeting whenever I need it. He reminds me of my dad.

I was once a singer, a famous rock star
Every one loved me, I was so very popular
Sang with the best, up there on the stage
**** Jagger, The Beatles and even Jimmie Page
  I sang in all the big cities, all over the world
  I was so happy, being such a star, a popular girl
  Making so much money, but I was running amuck
  Forgot my friends and family, I didn't give a ****
No one else mattered, I was the important one
Forgot about my husband, and my dear little son
The things that really mattered, I'd lost all sight
There were lots of groupies, and parties every night
  Lots of *****, men, and the drugs, were never short
  If I ever felt bad, some powder I would snort
  No one ever told me, that I was doing myself harm
  By injecting all that ****, into the veins of my arm
I'd awake some mornings, feeling a ****** mess
But after some drugs, I became again, a Goddess
Everybody loved me, I was their favourite daughter
I thought the same, thought, I could walk on water
  One morning I awoke, all shattered and broke
  No alchohol to drink, and no grass for a smoke
  All my friends deserted me, left me for dead
  Said that I was definately, ****** in the head
It was all over, my life of ***, drugs and fun
My husband had long gone, and took with him my son
I had bought it all on myself, of that, there's no doubt
Spent a week in hell, just crying  and drying out
    I had lost everything, my good looks and my wealth
    And I was skin and bone, not a picture of good health
    Broken down I was, all drug ****** and spent
    Dragged myself outside, to the hospital I went
For weeks I was there, in bed on a drip
The truth and reality, I wanted to grip
Slowly I came good, to God I needed to talk
Then two weeks later, I could finally walk
    I'm living in a rehab center, at this very time
    Please don't worry about me, I'll be just fine
    I'm now a faded angel, don't deserve a lot of glory
    Just hoping that someone, learns from my sad story

The ticking of the clock leaves me on edge
Another second wasted, trapped inside these bare walls
I am getting better, am I?

I no longer desire the rush in my veins
I desire, no, I crave fresh oxygen to the brain
I can't breathe, I can't breathe
These walls are closing in
This is the price I pay for the ultimate sin

I've fallen ill from my own sickness
My candle is burning at both ends
I never thought I would have to bring myself to this place again
But here I am now
And here you are not
I asked to to remember me, and you almost forgot

Challenges punctuate our lives with question marks.

We ask ourselves, “How long?” So we dream.
We wonder about each other. So we believe.
We concern ourselves with each other’s welfare. So we pray.

We doubt our wisdom. So we trust our hearts.
We second guess ourselves. So we act in faith.
We question our tomorrow. So we cherish the present.

We fear the question marks that have punctuated our lives.
So we build walls;
Walls to hide from our fear, walls to hide from our frustration,
And walls to hide from our feelings.
Let us never build walls that would cut us off from the world,
Or from each other.

Within the circle of our fellow strugglers,
Our thoughts are punctuated with fewer question marks,
And from time to time - a simple period.
Here with each other, it's not as difficult to wait for the answer.
And the walls don't seem as challenging to climb.

Whatever our question,
We can dare each other to dream.
And in this time of testing, we can hope for the answer,
An answer that will be different for every one of us.
An answer that punctuates each of our lives
With an exclamation point!

©2014 Michael S. Davis

you were just a teen

but i was less than that

i was so confused on how to act

i looked at you and your long blonde hair

and somehow found myself in there.



your confusion left me feeling sure

your hand in mine, i felt secure

and I know it must’ve hurt that
all people wanted was
more more more


and-
i know you never needed anyone

after you lost your drug

but when a relationship dies, death still can’t conquer love

and love was all around you

but you purposely sought out hate

inhaled it down, held it in,

and for once, i couldn’t relate


i watched you plan your fate

through your destruction and watched you spiral

and when i went to pull you out

you let out this sickly smile

as if begging me to let you be

convincing yourself this was your destiny

as if pain in these doses was keeping you alive

who was this person i saw inside?



and all those times you attacked me with your eyes

and all those times you had me stuck in your lines

you were just ******* with our minds

cuz you enjoyed this maniacal ride



i still
would
reach for your hand

to bring you back,
it was always my plan

but with walls so thick and made of stone

to save you, i learned, i had to leave you alone.

When you're first admitted
You'll lie through your teeth
You'll swear you don't belong here
You'll say you don't need help
But as days turn into weeks
And weeks turn into months
You'll begin to realize
Your house isn't a home
Your dad isn't a father
And the mirror lies to you.