you
soft and gentle
hear like silk, thin as thread
eyes like jade
freckles scattered the way you kissed me and pulled away
to see my smile
just to join our lips together again
you were there when you were needed
but now i'm in solitude
and you are too
you
you, were mine.

kids shouldn't go to rehab at fifteen
but you sent me anyways
which was too many days
I made a best friend there
her name was xollie
she talked of her life in California
how her grandma took her and her siblings in
all the empty bottle pills in the bin
rotten milk on the counter
she felt like she was going to rot away with it
she spoke of living with ghosts
guess it isn't always fun living on the coast
dropping acid and crushing pills
she didn't care if it kills
then there was Jane
from Las Vegas
she told us stories about being high on ****
she wanted the drug to bring her death
she slept in the dirt and hallucinated cops
and airplanes flying above searching
for her, no one was looking not even her pops
two black men told her they'd get her high
if she would just go to their apartment with them
you see Jane was a gem
the only one who didn't see it was her
once she was too high to be able to move
or speak, the mens intentions weren't pure
they tore into her heart
as she cried silent tears
she wishes she could just restart
just wishing to be free of the drug
and these men forcing themselves into her
then there was Chloe
her brother ******* her and her mom in a closet
Chloe thought of not being able to get high
that thought made her want to *****
he had found her bubbler
we stood around a fire
and burned the papers that held our worst memories
Jane doesn't throw her paper in
so I give her hand a squeeze
sometimes we think we deserve all the worst moments
but fourteen year old Jane did not
fifteen year old xollie did not

SITTING, staring patiently
debating taking silent leave
to heave my bones toward reprieve
and shake off all that's shaking me.
SITTING, staring patiently
I see the demon's point in me.
I see it shine, I see it weep,
and see it when I go to sleep,
LAYING, waiting patiently.
Horribly, these foggy dreams
do less to please
than psyche needs.
I feel a presence gazing me.
LYING, waiting anxiously.
Now here it is debasingly
teasing me insatiably,
promising my every need:
LYING, hiding everything.
What do we call this foul disease?
This object overtaking me?
A spoon and needle ****** me.
LOSING, hiding everything.

Not saying I'm mad
Just saying that I've had
Enough of the *******
You continue to rule ****
Feeding on my young soul
Make off with self control

And where is my brother?!
The fact that I can't speak to my mother
I'm so afraid she'll discover
All this time I never actually... Recovered

But all feelings aside
Or what's left of them, subdivide
My once constant retaliations, are now merely implied
Moreover, You kidnapped my soul and continue to preside.

Today I climbed a mountain and screamed at the top of my lungs
It felt so good
To finally let go
To finally be on top
To finally have my voice back
The climb was hard
There were points I thought I wasn't going to make it
But I did.
There were obstacles in the way
Hills, trees, giant rocks
But I overcame
I had so many hands around to steady me along the way
And voices telling me that I had it in me
So I kept pushing
When my legs hurt and my lungs burned
Because I wanted to make it
I wanted to see the view from the top for once
Not from this dark pit I have been making myself live in
Today was the day I took all my troubles, hurt, and my addiction
And I burned that **** on top of the mountain and left it there
I walked down a thousand pounds lighter
And it was ******* beautiful

All my life,
I have been good.
Ive always stayed out of trouble,
always done my homework,
never cheated,
never lied,
and always stayed away from drugs.

But what if you are the drug that I cannot resist?
What if I crave you too much
and I just can't stop?
What if its too late now
and theres no turning back?

I know its too late.
You're in my bloodstream.
You have those eyes--
those eyes that make the wisest souls foolish
and the strongest ones weak.

I'm addicted now
I cannot quit you.
I am utterly addicted to your soul
and there is no rehab for that.

you're leaving
again, and i can't
process anything
right now, can't
even write good
poetry right now:

you sleep in a silent world
of therapy and speak clearly
into the phone to let me know
you still love me and you promise
this time to change

i'm scared to trust you
baby i'm not perfect
you can't hold me from
rehab and i don't know
if i should trust you again

i'm already so lonely
please change

she was sat along a lake of doom
and along came the seasonal tune
the whisper of winds and the goodbyes to bloom
the smell of green, gone and the opening of tombs
high Heaven could not beat this bounty of earth
the beauty in the way things die and rebirth

a mention
of drug
addicts will
leave then
a shame
of toxic
trash in
their deciduous
mouths teething
inure if
even children
in their
swabs but
otherwise protect
their ****
from this
adolescent crisis