I loved you and you broke my heart
Always, did I think you had a soft heart
However, you proved me wrong
For me, did you feel nothing
To you, was I merely a tool
And you turned me into a lovestruck fool!

I loved you and you broke my heart
So badly was I hurt
That I went into depression for two full months
You made me lose faith
And created self-doubts in my mind
To you, was I too kind
Hence, did I suffer a lot
Trustworthy, you certainly were not!!

I loved you and you broke my heart
My self-esteem fell apart
My mind took over my heart
And insecurities began to tear me apart
However, I was not as weak as you would have thought
Neither was I a crackpot
Loving family and friends, did I have
As well as a strong will to live
I decided to focus completely on work
After all, I did not have time to worry about jerks
Today, have I become far more successful
Than you can ever be, you miserable little devil!!

I loved you and you broke my heart
But I began to rebuild, part by part
Thus, have I grown stronger
And become happier
Thanks to the will of Jesus Christ
Definitely, have I done my best
To recover from the trauma you inflicted on me
However, does the fact remain, that you tried to break me
Someone who genuinely cared for you
Yes, really did I love you
And you broke my heart
Truly, are you nothing but a cheat
However, I CAN forgive you once and for all
But it will take some time
One, because you truly are a ball of slime
Two, because I also need to heal
For now, try to be a good human being for once
Even if the very thought of it makes you wince!!

The deafening overwhelm of nothing
When the credits fade
Or the note hits its final crescendo
The “thank you for watching”
soundwaves enter your eardrums
Your surroundings stare back, begging you to pay attention
The clothes piles
The ***** dishes
Dust on shelves and countertops
Everywhere is clutter
Walking is a landmine
Suddenly it hits:
You can’t tell the difference between now and five days ago
You know that something aches
Maybe the chemical imbalance, maybe the loss of an old friend
It could even be everything
But it’s definitely something
I can feel it every time I wake up and I smother myself back to sleep
sometimes I won't even let myself use the bathroom
But there’s plans in the diary
And an exciting life laying the footpath ahead of me
And yet
The silence blasts in my ears
And sores my eyes
Hollowing me inside
I’ve always been like this
I just don’t know if I have it in me
To roll up my sleeves
And try again.

Restoration
Rebuilding
Reshaping

Filling in the fissures that have opened up
Between us
Within us

Fissures can become canyons
Sometimes suddenly
With a great roar of sound and cloud of dust
Sometimes gradually
Worn away by a river of neglect and dismissal

Both sides carry these fissures within
Wounds that can fester

How do we close these gaps?
Between us
Within us

First both must see
Acknowledge
Desire to heal

But there are no guarantees

Rebuilding relationships
Righting wrongs
Seeking and offering forgiveness

None of this can be done alone
Without community
In a vacuum

Sometimes the fissures become scars
Calcified and brittle
Painful when poked but otherwise unnoticed

The wound may heal over
But the fissure may never
Completely
Close

There is broken stone under my feet,
toppled pillars, their carved surfaces
reduced to dust now filtering through
the stray rays of light.
The windows now wide open
like wounds, like the skies and seas.
This fallen cathedral is a signal,
this is holy ground
you may never tread on.

These ruins are my birthplace,
the dying light, my mother.
These stones are my bones,
the fractured columns witness
my recreation.
I am new,
fresh,
unbroken,
untouched

And as I open my eyes for the first time,
the wind fills my lungs and kisses my lips.
And I am in love once more.
I am in love with the light
breaking through the clouds,
in love with a warmth
that I've never felt before.
In love with the seas beyond my walls
and the ivy beneath my feet.
I am in love with life
and what I am slowly becoming

Fiercely in love with the breaking
and the tearing: the shedding of old skin.
And I am happy
I am wild
I am free

I am home

You pierced and devoured me like a delicacy
Silly boy didn't realise you can't digest a soul
I'll be coming back up
And it's inevitable that you're going to get sick

If the sky should fall

And leave the brittle bones of our living

Shattered

Like teeth in the blackened angry mouth

Of a hag

What then?

Do we weep salt tears

For that which is lost and cannot be found

Raise a fist in anger to a savage God

Who will not hear our cries

As we wander through our ruined lives

Looking for salvation.

Do we bend our backs?

Put stone on stone on stone and build a wall

Make it strong

To foil the ravening wolves

Of fear and cruel self doubt

A solid moat to keep them out

And us within

While we begin

Again!

Learn to love
the lies from your mother.
An illusion childhood is better than  reality.

Learn to love
the distance between you and your father,
irreconcilable differences
do not define a lack in your worth.

Learn to love
that child as your own,
she may live to destroy in the moment,
but that girl will grow.

Learn to love
the house you grew up in.
Walls are just walls
and you will escape the trauma between them.

Learn to love.
It will be better for you,
through thickness and through thin and all that crap.


Learn to love,
yourself and everything you create.
Learn to love.

i'm surprising you in 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds.
you have 4 days 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to finally realize i am not who you want
or who you deserve
i have 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to prepare myself
for you to leave

i have 4 days, 21 hours, and 2,938 seconds to stop overthinking

you're gone and i'm done counting