Creases and folds
Rich lustrous strokes
Bold soft voices spoke
Touch like a ring of gold

In sheets we make things
Crumpled and messy
Like a raging tsunami
A delight in all human beings

Slapping and slammings
A rhythm worth hearing
The pounding and bounding
Sweet pleasurable pain it brings

Beyond what a body could
Handle and take it would
For it is what we wanted
Like a forbidden affair sorted

The melodious chorus
Of wails and moans
The harmonious beating
With stick and stones

Like origami birds
We bend and break
To cure our heart aches
For we are like paper burned

Ashes we become so far
Fragmented in the wind we are
For we never ever will be
As happy as anyone thought it to be

For like origami birds we are
Folded and bent to hold so far
Manipulated by love and hate
Blinded by our own cruel mistakes

We will tear and break
Like every paper bearing weight
Flying into the winds of fate
And burning into the pits of heart break.

i'm not the rebound
when your conversation goes slow
my reply will satisfy you
the first time
but when my loneliness
becomes six messages in a row
each one more excited after the other
your vision starts to deteriorate
and you become blind to this gaping hole
on the verge of becoming a cavity
an auditorium sits in my mind
i listen to myself
go on and on about useless information
you once wanted to hear
the late night shows were always popular
to people who didn't listen
but rather wanted a night out
and the applause was customary
but you never felt the ambience
a thousand words gave off
as i sit at my desk
and transfer these thoughts into magic
six messages become one word
lonely
writing is hard, i keep deleting my thoughts
on paper i am limitless
conversation flows fast
and i am proud to message myself six times
and get six responses of the same excitement
the magic helps me see better
i love the auditorium that is my mind
the night shows are so popular
i took time to listen to myself
and clap for everything i am saying
because i give myself the chills
using words from seemingly useless information
lonely became lovely
and suddenly i was whole again
lonely stopped looming
and lovely was the name i gave myself
so when your conversation goes slow
and i stop messaging you
i am in my own auditorium
giving myself the attention and love
you forgot existed

Palm to ribs he writes what’s not there.
His lips spill the cheap words, “it only beats to keep me alive.”

But the cavity in which it should exist echoes the emptiness of her last goodbye
and it’s not ready for anything more than short hellos and drunk quickies.

I ****** him for the first time at 5 am on New Year’s.
He’s the definition of a void, but we brought in 2016 with a bang.

It’s still unclear which it ******* more –
his body
or the hollow mirror image of my chest.

"Don’t meet anyone offline”* I say “They're all weirdos”
Though I’ve been a serial dater and frequent Tinderer for some time.
I couldn’t tell you the number of lips mine have pushed up against.
Nor could I tell you the names of the people they were attached too.

There’s been nice guys and bad boys and girlie girls and “show me your *** toys?”
There have been casual hook ups and dates, movie nights and lets be mates.
There have been people who have felt more at home in my skin than I do
There has been a little bit of everything, and a whole lot of nothing at all!

He texts me in another language
One I am familiar in
My heart feels at home
He doesn't need an invitation into my life
He signed up before
And knows he belongs
He makes me feel loved
My presence is to him, a caressing breeze
Playful, and light
I speak to him in tongues of  love
Wishing you hadn't forgotten to speak it too
He can never replace you
But I will let him in
And he will do his best to fill the gaps you left in my language

Sheer passion, laden layers after
dense layers was the lake,deep blue,
His hidden heart was all aflame,
in anticipation of her, his hurricane,
the wildest girl in town, hard to get,
yet he acts placid on the surface
one'd see just gently billowing waves.

The hurricane has never known any
such guile,  hiding passion.Her eyes
wide and *****, flashing lightening,
cloudy hair disheveled and flying
she comes heavily down on her passive lover.
rebounds to come back with more force
that'd tell how intense her passion runs,
churning water goes up in a swirl and
dance with her passion,how spectacular
is their union, sky and earth look on
with bated breath, this ebullient *******.

You said it's going to be awhile, but you know something will happen,
You stupid little boy.
I don't want a relationship, not because I want to wait for you,
But, it's because I prefer my whiskey and kids' toys.

You obviously know your relationship won't last, though.
That's pretty sad, knowing you'll come back to me.
You're pretty pitiful,
But, I don't give you up because you're like a true lover and family.

It's going to be awhile, is that what you said?
That must mean your love for her is already dead,
If you're dating her, knowing you two will come to an unfortunate end.
But, I don't care because I have my whiskey and toys,

You know that it isn't going to last,
And you say it like you'll be coming back to me. That's pretty stupid,
Practically infidelity,
But, in a more heart wrenching package for that pitiful unloved soul, that you call your girlfriend.

But, you see, I won't be waiting for you,
Because I'm married to my whiskey.

They're yelling.
What were assumed to just be slight whispers and minor auditory hallucinations are pieces of fuckery reminding me just how worthless I have become.
I depended on another person to keep me whole, but when they left what did I have?
It was foolish to even think... so many times this cycle has repeated.
I build them up, they fall in love with someone else, they break me down to be with another, and then they come back once that person has broken them.
I don't know if they're coming back this time, because this time around I was trying to fight for what was mine.
They were mine..
And now they belong in the hands of another.
Another reckless person who has hurt them time again, but I wasn't worth it.
The rebound is never worth it.
Always worthless..

He was lying next to me, with his hand upon my cheek
I was locked inside my head, thoughts stuck on you.
It was never quite fair to him, I was never quite there with him
Sabotaged before he ever had a chance.

I play it back inside my head, remember everything you said.
The cruel words that made us come crashing down.
The flashing on my phone, how I felt so alone, crying thinking you were still the one.

Maybe I exaggerate, maybe I stretch the truth,
but I never thought there'd be an end to me and you.
I didn't scream or cry or beg, I locked myself away with painful memories..  

And yet here we are, months away from the past.
Why can I still feel your lips on my shoulder, still hear your voice saying "baby, please come closer."
Replaying your apologies over the endless nights of broken sleep.
Why is it still always you?

It's really not fair to him, I still can't bare to be with him.
I hate myself for wishing you'd come back and he'd turn into you.
His brown eyes never stood a chance when all I see are your green seas.
I used to drown in you for miles, and now all I'm drowning in is myself.
Oh darling, I wish you'd come back because I'm still stuck on you.

for the first time in two years I didn't wake up screaming your name. it still sounded more like a plea for help than a confessional. it was somewhere between "not again" and "don't do this". but it wasn't you. it wasn't the sound of your sweater. it wasn't the smell of your favourite song. it wasn't the taste of your voice. it wasn't you. I'm sure your laughter still lingers on my lips looking for a way out. I knew the day you replaced my bed with hers I'd break. I knew you'd shatter me like your dad's car window. you'd leave me on the cold cement for someone else to clean up. you were always so obsessed with car wrecks it finally makes sense why you were so fixated on me. but why did you choose her? is it the way she can pick her cereal without crying? or is it because you don't have to hide all the knives in the house when she's having a bad day? you knew I was a ******* crime scene when you met me yet you still tore down my yellow caution tape. for the first time in 2 years I didn't wake up screaming your name because I know she already is.