absolutely maybe if wings flew
without a bird's body and the air
lifted ground as outer space
filled inner spirits

  then all things might be
equal and if so then what?

Zero.

Which is arguably a 'something'
less than 1 but greater than
less than zero.

Words.

The devil's insidious plot to
madden the human mind with
intangible monsters that chip
away at the glass floor we
all ignore and rarely look
down upon
   we might see the super-
structure of reality then.

What then?

  HORROR.

:: 09-21-2018 ::

When it comes down to it
I didn't expect life to change

It was like it wasn't real;
Just a backdrop for what went on inside my head
But
Life is more real and complex than
Anything I could ever imagine
It's constantly changing and now
I remember why I fear the things I fear
Just like
I remember why I shouldn't
And

All the things I say I believe are
Clearly true and right on paper
But
So much harder to stick to in real life
Especially
When it comes to myself
And

I've discovered I like to deal in absolutes
With evidence
(Lots of it)
And
Maybe faith isn't my strong suit, after all
Which

Honestly scares me
Life scares me
The fact that reality has no backspace or delete keys is
Absolutely terrifying
And it is so hard to forgive myself

And
Even harder to respect the decisions of others
If I don't agree with them
It's almost physically painful to
Let someone you love take a path you know is wrong
Because you respect them as an individual and
They won't listen
I don't know how God does it

If
There is one honest thing
I can tell you right now it's that
I am afraid
And I have no idea what I should do
Which

Is ironic and hilarious
Because
A lot of times I find myself
Writing with the belief that
I have some profound knowledge to share
And
I don't think it's egotism because
I'm so self-deprecating
Most of the time
But it is

I wish I
Could spend less time
Wishing I could go back
And live life over
And more time
Trying not to fall
Into a pit of self-pity
In the present
In the future
When

I get scared
My brain tells me to stop
But I'm not going to
I'm going to
Staple my fears and
Insecurities and
Doubts
To these pages and
Live

A car just started
And
I didn't jump out of my skin
This time

We watch with disenchanted eyes
As the future comes to pass us by
What once brought joy
Is revealed as lies
And brings to light
The turmoil inside
We stagnate in our hollow lives
Lost from us are the enthusiastic drives
A dark cloud to eclipse the sun
Our childhood illusions
Have come undone
A restless soul in human guise
Dreams of freedom slowly die
With heavy hearts and severed ties
We see a future with blackened skies
And in the dark we see
A life lead in melancholy
We travel the world as ghosts
Untouched like waves on the coast
We glimpse the night
Through jaded eyes
And a world brought to fright
As we fall asleep to silent cries

Would you change your mind?
If you realized
This was
All for you.

This blitzkrieg of thoughts
Pitch black it becomes
Rain starts dripping
And encumbrance starts to come
Inebriated I, again started to hum
But this time it felt discrete
Cause surmise was not there to ***
The dissolution of karma
That’s become my dharma

I becoming amble, in the grime of this scramble
That is who I want to become
"How I become", this never come in my find
Reverberation of exploring open up my mind
My gait become frolic
And a realization hit my mind
You know there is a way
There is always a way
That is just how lore percolates
A torrent of possibilities
Not a mangled world, but truth to our eyes

We are on this adventure
Maybe come some derails
But we will leave trails
We have to believe
Otherwise the past is just a deceive
We know a lot
We believe a lot
But still I Seek, all day
However I may
This so called Life