everyone envisions their hope for their future
whether they want to lose weight
or whether they want to fall out of habits
some people envision having a family
having kids and a dog
marrying that one boy that makes them so happy
is it bad that in my future i envision nothing for myself
perhaps in the future i will be gone..

The realization of being here has
Put me in my own way

I could never hear my ears before
Now I can’t hear through the ringing

I could never see my eyes before
Now they obstruct my vision

My sinuses have taken up
Allergies

My hair is thinning and gray
Nothing is here to stay

That is once you start
Getting in your own way!



I would carry-on but it almost seems depressing becoming self aware
So I’ll end this here.

White transparent tiled floor
Arranged in a lively mosaic
Speaks tales of a spooky world alongside me!

The windows and the curtains hugging the plastered walls
With views of flower trees and mountains near and far...
Gets reflected upon the tiled floor
Upside down, shadowy and unreal!

Maybe it is reminder for my heart
That the world I see is only an illusion my mind frames to colour a blank canvas
Maybe the world is true only upside down
The scenaries and sights distorted and fake the usual way...
Maybe it's important to bend your mind all the way
And try to see what can't easily catch the eye...

A sinister universe breaths about me
And only once in a while tugs at me to have a glimpse...
And whenever that happens, it's a moment of all eternity that seems to go worthwhile!

I often think I never loved you.
I was just a dumb kid after all.
What fifteen year old understands love?
I think I just felt comfortable with you.
My lips had never touched another's.
My arms were use to your embrace.
Your family had welcomed me as their own.
I didn't know how I could break away from it.
Even as you hurt me,
and left me crying countless times,
I couldn't take the steps to get away from you.
The thought of leaving you plagued me.
What would it be like to smell your cologne,
and to recognize it as just another scent.
Nothing special.
Or to walk the halls of our school,
without you holding my hand.
You see,
I don't think I loved you.
I was just afraid of being alone.
I was use to you.
You were just there.
You were just familiar.

Did you ever look at empty space and imagine
The brilliance that structured its existence.
Did you ever call your best friend by the same
Rotten name he just called you.
Did you ever fear for your being, knowing your
Ultimate end could be in a minute, in a snap.
Did you ever watch a kid circle under a lazy
Fly ball and glove-block its earthbound path.
Did you ever love a puppy so much you couldn’t
Sleep without checking him eleventy-four times at night.
Did you ever plow the earth and smell God’s gift to man,
And talk the next crop up and growing.
Did you ever race your friends and run until your lungs screamed,
Falling down laughing at victory or defeat.
Did you ever watch a spider slowly spin a perfect web
With his patience uninterrupted by your insistence of contrariety.
Did you ever call the night-wind to hush
To stillness and lay sandy-eyed waiting.
Did you ever accept or reject the norms
Crammed at you or ignore their existence.
Did you ever battle yourself with ideas and judgments
That no man can answer and still seek your solutions.
Did you ever simply say hello to a perfect stranger
And realize that you are the strange one.
Did you ever sit in the grass yard of the post office
And watch the smothered stares of strangers.
Did you ever stop to realize that success to one is failure
To another and your words rattle empty to set minds.
Did you ever wish for a chance you’ll never have,
Realizing you would have succeeded fully.
Did you ever feel the grip loosen in spite of all your
Efforts and wonder about tomorrow.
Did you ever thank God for your ability to question,
To learn, to be human.
Did you ever watch an infant think, the wheels turn
And the language of thought distorted.
Did you ever try to express your opinion
To one who will not listen.
Did you ever listen when wise men talked
Yet incorporated their wisdom only in painful acceptance.
Did you ever wonder what your Mom and Dad were like
At age twelve.
Did you ever wonder what you were like at age twelve.
Did you ever wish for others to be happy, really happy,
But they never are no matter what you do.
Did you ever wish for peace but realize
That tranquility is fleeting and temporary.