I am an only
Just one like me
My thoughts race
In the psyche
Which is me
I tell them all
"You don't know who I am"
Understanding me
Is like a black hole
Just the mindset
Of myself
Would send any normal person
Into a tailspin
So now i ask you
Do you want to know?

Darkness leaped in, smothered my psyche.
Led me down a hall, into the cinema I went, not willing.
A theatrical presentation, an outcry ensued.
Perception forever altered.
A mind completely new.  
My ideals, my dreams, dissipating with the ending scene.
Go forth I did, dashing into the illuminating beam.
A challenge of realization, no immediate hesitation.
Advancement granted, the understanding,
of another dimension.  
Speechless, words cannot explain.
Abandoned, with nothing left.
An experience to entertain,
while under the dancing rain,
Vanity's Game.

"My people refers to me as Adamant,"

Adamant, this
Adamant, that

Adamant, ruin their marriage.
Adamant, make the politicians **** one another.



"What do I get for being Adamant?"

Come here, Adamant
Stay away, Adamant

Chant me million of butterflies, Adamant.
Learn how to nurture, Adamant.



"But I will not be Adamant no longer,"

Adamant, this
Adamant, that

You will love yourself, darling.
Fostering kindred soul within us all.



"God bless you. Not me,"*

Adamant, darling
Adamant, dear

You are God.

i can promise myself to you
because i've nothing to lose
if someone hurts me one more time.
i can be loyal
because i would betray myself.
can you do the same, honey, can you?
if you cannot , that's a good thing -
you're not as ****** up as me,
you've still got a sense of self.
but there is no 'me' - i am only made of others.

carnal lightening reaped my brain in verves of
sickled fever, emotion sloughing clean
my tortured psyche.

and who was I to challenge
this narcotic self ablution –
yet, what of my resolve to linger
undisturbed
in bias mental disarray?

pathetic hypotheticals
engorged my blood
as nothing new.
the tension burning scars within this
manic unenlivened carcass
grew until

my hybrid self assaulted what was once
unfailed but often wrong integrity
as swifter than a scarlet blade
my conscience was absconded
to a heaven: peace, release, and ease.

had I commanded armies to retreat?
my palsied mind
was finally worth its ****** ground
and tissues thick with matters
fed on independence
lost among the strain.

I must remember where I left my genius.

We sat aloft a dune
   peering over the ocean,
waves mesmerizing
  our inner turmoil,
grainy surf dimensions
    cut into psyche,
voices turned hazy
midst broiling sun
  washed back with
   salt water tears,
there was no lighthouse
  to guide the way
  nor save disparate crests  
no words reverberated the sound,
    just the floundering of
      gritty restless emotions
that once were blissed horizons
   before moon lost its balance
     to relentless torrential currents
      of neglectful destruction,
   drowning in ambiguous undertows

I cannot say I miss you. Because I never do.
From time to time,
you show up in the back of my mind.
I love poems
As I love you.
I know what I wrote are not poems at all.
But who to say that you are real?
I love you but I hate you
In a sense that you are
Untouchable.
As I like cinnamon.
How many times I've dreamed about you
In my dreams, there is only one permanent scene
Your holographic voice penetrating my fragile mind
Your wisdom dissolves into this dull water of my psyche
Like glitters fluttering,falling in a Christmas crystal ball.