i am tired.
i am tired of seeing the way people are unrightfully treated.
i am tired of sitting around and pretending that you have not affected me.
i am tired of hiding problems and tucking them away like it's no big deal.  
i am tired of feeling awful.
i am tired of being sad.
i am tired of not being able to order my own food at a restaurant for the fear that someone will judge me if i stutter. which i will.
i am tired of a lot of things.
"how are you?" a kind acquaintance asks.
"tired," i immediately shoot back.
a popular response.
fraught with worries.
drowned by despair.
devoid of energy.
too tired to sleep.
"how are you feeling? what's up?"
you don't care.
you're just trying to be friendly.
and i'm too tired to be friendly back.
physically speaking, i'm exhausted.
mentally speaking, i'm distressed and exhausted and anxious.
i'm tired of lying.
i'm tired of trying.
i'm tired of sighing.
i feel like i'm dying.
-alc
4/4/2017

We got some dead queers here
they're messing up the floor
Too many *****, too many
******* ******* don't get
me started on the trans*
We need to move our cars
and stroll the walk with
ignorant future tagalongs
More than need to care
To say, ******* speak up
We got some dead queers here,
No ******* problem

I smile
     when I do not know what to say
I smile
     when I do not know what is happening
I smile
     when I am expected to do so
I smile
     when I do know that I am in trouble
I smile
     when I do not want to lie
I smile
     *because it is better way to deal than to cry

Many things in my life, unsorted
many thoughts in my life, uncategorized
many mysteries in my life,unsolved
many potentials in my life, untested
many emotion in my life,unlabeled
many problems in my life,remains unresolved
many days pass away, unnoticed
                          and still, my life continues...

Life seems pretty
Plain with
Their faces so dull,
Arms so
Weak, the
Weight
Of the world
So heavy.

Suppose that it
Does get
Brighter beyond these
Black horizons and
Opaque words of
The mad.

Where will we be
Once the
Weight of
The world crumbles
Beneath
Mounds of
Saline tears and
Ashen hearts?

'The biggest problem with communication is that we don’t listen to understand, we listen to respond.'

You trace my bottomless eyes to the pit of my stomach
You stare at the tip of my tongue,
With that sordid tang on it;
Reassure me now,
I am not the cause of it.

Taste, but not too late
The stuff of which
I am made.
Never think
I would clean the bottom
Piety of your sink

Would you hear me?
Muffled in a crowd?
Where my delusions
Of your confusions
Are shrouded

I smell repugnance
And make nothing of it
O the fancies of tongues
Bowed, I make nothing of it
In the crowd I hear your sound
I make nothing of it
My rejoinder blaring loud
You make nothing of it

The boil of the grey water
Murky glasses unclean -
Silent unorderly

I make a run for it.