Look into my hands,
What do they tell you?
Can you decipher? Can you understand
Why they are tinted black & blue?

These hands have fought
Against Life's malicious onslaught
Sailed through the very worst
On Life's savage tempest

Yet for fear of 'breaking character'
Sorrow must be masked with laughter
And pain covered with panache instead
While these hands silently bleed several shades of red...

Welcome to my heart...

#BlueRain
2017

Someone put an elephant
In the middle of my room
To capture conversations
And often predicting doom
Or bragging about something
That it has never done.
This pachydermal pestilence
Certainly is not much fun.

I try to keep things secret
And pretend that they’re not there
Then all of a sudden, ****,
An elephant from somewhere.
I try to deny its existence
Laugh and talk around it all
But the thing is an elephant
Is really not that small.

Then once someone visits
They find it difficult to pretend
That the elephant is not there.
So much for helpful friends.
So, I make up stories to try
To deftly explain things away
But some things are too obvious
No matter what words I say.

Some just give up and leave me
To be the same fool as I act.
But, others get up in my face
And try to deliver some fact.
So, I can’t really be upset
With those who are in my group
But that doesn’t help me clean up
The disgusting elephant ****.

Bite my lips untill they bleed
Because I don't want to say a word
Pass the moment like a frayed lie
As we sit here staring into the abyss
Your eyes like glass and sand
Telling me the time is running out
Shut up, Don't you speak
I know you want to go away
And fade like wispy mentions
But tonight will last as long as your gaze
And I feel you cold like ice
Again a dead end turn around
Shes burying her own hatchet
Shes burying evidence of traitors
I feel cold and you have no warmth
So the night dies slowly with my hopes
And hope dies with your last words
Its over, ive lost my grasp on you
I've lost it because I gave it all to you

Let’s all pretend we have a life
We have love, we have family ties
Let us bask in the transcendence of hope
Sing out our hearts with falsetto
Let us clench tightly to uncertainties
Bury our contentions and Uphold false tranquility

Tortured desires concealed beneath Mormon beliefs
The pure clarity projected from the Bourbon reliefs

The Abrasion of broken bones
The thrill of gilded gold
The red bled to the lead
My insecurities became known

Let's just accept the fact
that I am not destined
to have the things they get
or live the lives they have
that their achievements
is not what I should aim for
that I should set my own realistic goal
that when the ripe age comes
I shall conquer the way I want
Also, I should remember that instagram
does not always show the full picture
that for even just a little,
there's a lie lurking there somewhere

Well you wanna go out dancing.
I don't wanna leave my pad.
I won't loosen up this necktie 'til my head falls in my lap.
               Then you'd be lapping up my words
               that are
                     curdled,
                     soured,
                     absurd,
purchased with inflated currency
and sold off for a herd
               of sappy sentiments
          for worn-out, bought-up malcontents.
Yeah, you're believing anything these days...

And I'm far too good a liar
               selling real estate
          on toxic, poisoned ground.
Filling in all of these forms
and putting dumpster fires out.
               Standardized.
               Attracting flies...

Follow darkened circles down...

To my parlor. Find me cutting up and dealing
               out my cards
and doubling down on all the reasons
I've been feeding you.
               Repeating 'til it's my turn
               to start eating plates of crow.

Now you won't take any chances.
I'm a golem made of ash.
I won't fire up the big band. You won't come sit on my lap.
               I've been dishing out these words
               that are
                    used up
                    barren,
                    burned
far too long. The chafing dishes cooled
and all our vittles turned.
               Buffet line sentiments
          for naïve, hungry malcontents
starving to believe in anything these days.

Well you wanna go out dancing...

I'm not gonna leave my pad...

What devils have we sold our souls to?
What mindless thing controls our actions as we walk around
Feigning ignorance
Uneducated and afraid to step out of line.
Why do I have to say the right thing all the time?
Why can’t I for once say that this country isn’t fine?
This world isn’t fine.
And still we allow it to waste away to nothing til even nothing will decay.
But no it’s all in our heads they whisper, laughing through their solemn nods;
But no how could it be real they say, knowing that despite the odds
And the proof against them we will believe because we want to.
The monsters can’t see us if we can’t see them.
This isn’t a stage where we wait in the wings and if we can see the audience they can see us and it’s all just a play
And it’s all just a farce.
Well I guess that’s true enough.
And how I wish I could laugh, but I am far too angry at the situation to be able to make light of the horrible plague that we are to ourselves.
If we respected anything perhaps we would survive, but alas we hate ourselves as much as we hate each other.
We are a species of suicidal tendencies
Killing each other and with each blow we **** ourselves.
We waste away to nothing til even nothing will decay.
But we smile and pretend to not smell the rotting flesh that is our own;
We feign ignorance because it’s all we have known.
People say I’m unpatriotic.
But how can I be proud of my country and its people
When even humanity itself offends me?
When even I myself
Offend me?