When words become ablation
And hands are merely frame,
I stand in hesitation
Avoiding vapid flame.
With lack of motivation
I stride with grueling step
To **** sordid crustaceans
Consuming my own head.

Across lands of verdure and light, water and men,
Walked a young Lowyatar, and fear she induced,
Turned clouded and opaque, the arid sky,
As she blindly and slowly walked on and on and on- by and by,

Blackened promontories rose in seas around,
To the north, the west, the east and the south,
What her dry fingers touched deprived of life itself.

Blind daughter of death; blind daughter of Tuoni,
Sister in blood of Lemminkäinen's killer, sister of Tuoen Poika.
Unloved and untouched, Lowyatar weeped and searched,
Abandoned by her death-bringing family.

From cracked and dried and distraught lips she cried,
"Ukko, O Ukko, save me from myself, I beg of thee,
With what's left of my life, my passion, my love
I know only pain I know only death, I see nothing.

O Ukko, I wander hither and thither, northward and westward
O Ukko, I wander thither and hither, southward and eastward
Searching for acceptance and vivid color and life.

O Ukko, save me from myself and my name!"

Lonely is the young girl, priestess of plague, goddess of famine,
Alone for life, her eyes blurred with salt and water,
A twitch in a corner of her mouth, another twitch.

Love thyself, and thyself can achieve greatness,
Greatness through experience, through knowledge prior.

Yellowed and ground teeth emerge behind cracked lips,
Lowyatar, goddess of plague, whispers to Ukko,
"Ukko O Ukko, I have motive and purpose,"
An old oak tree withered and turned grey at her fingertips,
Towns, once merry and full of love, died as she passed them by.

Wars waged on, fighting for what's left of love and light,
Death of brothers and fathers, feeding the mighty Tursas,
Born again from the scent of blood on the dry ground,
Who rose from the dying sea to feed upon the victims war.

Across lands bereft of verdure, dead and broken,
Men and women and children sobbed in Lowyatar's wake,
Men and women and children bowed in Lowyatar's presence.

Lowyatar stood triumphant over dying lands,
Once a sobbing child, now queen of the earth,
Pale face hidden by black and matted hair,
She opened her eyes to see the world for the first time,
Across her face twitched a smile, then with a laugh she says:
"So created. So destroyed. Behold, god I am!"

why is it that
you still plague my mind

even thought i'm sure that
i've erased you?

A speck
It festers

Silently
Growing

Leeching
Unnoticeably

Raspy voiced  
Less than whispered

Barely noticed
A pesky itch

Ignore
A twitch

Ignore
It won't exist

Ignore
Fade away

Please
The edge is turning grey

The plague is back
Black

And here to stay

In truth
It never really went away

By : Nabs

At dusk, I woke up to find that my whole body alight with pain
From the very tip of my hair
To the very tip of my toe
A pain that struck me deep as it is rooted in me

My head feels like it is not my own
Where my thought are filled with images
Where they took every single memories
Just to replay it over and over again

Although it is some specific memories that they play

( I should have known it was you)

They are images of you
Either the way your eyes disperse the light
Glinting with rainbows as you laugh
Or the tingling of your voice when you speak

Or the little quirks that you have
How you scratch your head when you're confused
Or how you tighten your fist and hold it close to you when you are in anger
Or how you look pained every time someone mention your father

Even my subconsciousness was not safe from you
How in the nights you seep into my dream
And how my mind seem to speak your name with reverence
As if you are a saint and i am a sinner begging for forgiveness

Not to mention
My head feels like it know you more that I know my self
How my consciousness remember every single way your body move
How you react
How you never seem to notice how breath taking you are

You do take my breath away, you know
You make lungs constrict
My throat sore and my windpipes clogs
My chest ache

Just from seeing you brush a stray strand out of your face

( No wonder I always choke)

I know now that you are poisonous
Because often you made my mind sluggish
How you made my tongue numb
Struggling to just say something

I feel like I could die from just being in your presence

Some how, I wouldn't mind that

You seem to have taken over the control
Of the beating of my heart
It is not mine anymore
You took it from me

And i'll let you do it any day

How do I not realize that you poison me?
That you attacked me

No

I couldn't say attack when I, my self are a part of perpetrating the crime

I let you poison me with your kindness
And I succumb to it
Kindness is very lethal I find
Very potent

You are causing an infection
Spreading across my heart
Making it rot
The stench is cloyingly sweet with a hint of pain

I think I know what poisoned me

You make my heart a bruised little thing
Banging across my rib cage
Sometimes I can feel it to thump so hard
I wonder if there are fractures littering my ribs

It is a miracle I do not get a stroke
With the way my hearth clenches
Every so often just by a single word you said
No matter how un important it is

There is something growing inside my body and I know I am diseased

I'm going to be erratic soon, at the rate this is spreading

The rate this is spreading

Why

I know you planted some seeds inside of me
And how it is growing in my body
The pain is caused by them
How it is thriving alive, and ******* me dry

******* life out of my marrows
Making me prone to bend and break
To bend and beg
For you, I would do it in a heart beat

Why do you do this to me?

You do not intend this for me
As I do not intend to succumb in the first place
But intentions will always be intentions
If we do not manage to realize it

One of my symptoms is butterflies in my stomach
How did the caterpillars get in there?
How did my stomach turned into their cocoon?
It does not feel beautiful, the butterflies in the making

They feel like acid and agitation

Now I am trembling

You make my whole body quake
My bone to ache and shake
It is as if you made them corrode,
Maybe that's why my knees shake just because of you

How it will always tremble
How you make my hands tremors
How psychosomatic it is
And I seemed to caught this sickness right to the bone

Maybe I tremble because you are more than I can handle

You with your kindness
Your attempt to become normal
Your fear of closed space
And how you would unconsciously scratch the silvering wound across your heart

Maybe because yours do not rot, you infected me and rotted mine instead

( There is something wrong with my eyes)

As i said, not only that you have took over my heart you also took over my mind

I seemed to still do not mind

My whole body is trembling
My lips quivering
I feel my eyes are watering
I feel my temperature rising

I feel horrible and yet I do not mind this pain
This high fever I am in
Comfort me some how, even if i know that
if I do not get well soon this might **** me

If I do not get it treated, it will **** me

But I am still hesitant to cure it
I do not want to be diagnosed
I do not want to
I do not want to

I am infected

(There's something trying to get out of my stomach)

I am trembling again
And you saw me trembling
You saw me
You smiled, and a snip could be heard

There are a string broken and it might me my sanity

Why do you deny that there was an earthquake
Why do you always deny that
Why
Why

Why do i still got close to you despite knowing
That the episentrum was you

You are a natural disaster
An epidemic
Spreading disease in your wake
You couldnt help it

No one could help being them self

You know I feel pain all over my body
But sometimes the pain felt so intense
That it renders me numb
How do I still exist in this paradoxes of mine

( I fear my liver have stop trying to purge this toxic away)

You make all my nerve go alight
I feel like i am burning
Ashes, ashes is what left of me
I have nothing left of me

You burned me down

But why do i feel so cold?

Yet, I do not mind
Because even as my heart is aching and in pain
Even if my whole body is black and blue
My body is not mine anymore

That was your betrayal, wasnt it?

(At least i still could bask in your presence)
You made me betray my self
(Such exquisite pain you cause me, i want more)
Why do you keep smiling as if you know nothing?

Maybe you do not know anything

(My legs just gave out and I am on my knees)

The poison is muddling my mind
I am poisoned
I already said that
I am trembling again

The butterflies got out of their cocoon today.

They were beautiful, and red with my blood

I still do not mind

You betray me
You causes pain to me
You poisoned me

I still do not mind

You smiled again today
It was like my medicine
I feel like i am addicted
You smile like you were happy with the way i am

I fumble with words now
There is something wrong with my eye
I cannot see clearly
Everything is blurry and tinted

(You said my eyes were beautiful)

I was happy but now I am sick

Why

My legs and hand do not properly work anymore
I feel like someone just pierce giant big hooks in them
Because i keep being pulled
I keep going back to you

My body is not my own, it is infected

You poison me and then you put parasites didn't you?
I was fine
Did you think your poison was a cure?
I did not have anything wrong with me

I did not
Now i do

( I can feel my mind crashing down, it feels like freedom)

The fever is going up again
My words are hazy
My arms taste sweet
I feel disoriented

Why do you need my to be like this?
Wipe that smile of yours
Wipe it
Please

(Please)

I am addicted to you
Your whole presence
I do not mind
What do i not mind?

I am sick, i am going crazy
You drive me crazy
You infected me and you rot me
I still do not mind

(There are tears dripping down my eyes, it is black)

I do not mind

(My heart just gave out)

I just diagnosed my self today

There is a paper thin difference between hate and love

I think it is the latter

I am such a liar

I've become an alcoholic.
I drink until its socially acceptable
to lock myself in my room
to avoid the plague of humanity
dwelling in the revealing sunlight,
orange caked faces melting into the dirt.

i am cancer
i am death caked in makeup
i am the creaky floor boards in the attic
i am the foul words that leave your mothers lips
and the stench of the alcohol that rolls off your fathers tongue

i creep through the walls at night
looking for a light heart to help with the demons that haunt my every move
i am torturous laughter and pitiful silence

dont not get close to me
i will burn everything you own
leaving you bitter and weeping
gasping for fresh air

You still plague my mind
while I am sitting here blind,
hoping one day you'll come back kind.

From the moment we fumbled underneath the sheet,
to the moment you said goodbye on that street,
and even the moment I found out you were a lying cheat.

I still think of you often,
sometimes I've wondered if you've softened,
and other times I wonder if I was better off with Austin.

There's a moment I keep shelved,
however, there are sometimes I delve
to that horrid moment on May 10th, 2012.

Yes, consensual at first,
but then you started to thirst
and the pain was at it's worst.

I begged and pleaded,
but you proceeded,
and my body was stampeded.

After this disaster,
I became a master
at wearing a smile like plaster.

Seeing you is like sinking the Titanic,
a reaction that's almost volcanic,
sends me into a panic.

Its not like you'll ever know.
I will no longer stand here as your ***,
I will stand here without you and grow.  

I will stand here with a big smile on my face
and wait for a long embrace,
from someone that will treat me with grace.

Cure me
Of this plague
That’s snaking around my throat

Allow me to tiptoe
To avoid confrontation
Social humiliation

I would speak if I could only say the words
Cure me
Of the echoing dull in my heart
A dying buzz

A cycle of depression
Undecipherable ****** expressions
Stunting my progression

I would sing if I didn’t care who heard
The vines circling my feet
Threatening to tighten
Forever clutching
Me in its embrace

I need you
You say you know me
Maybe I don’t want you to
The biggest lie, can’t you see?
Because I don’t even understand me
I hide behind poetry

I would pray to a God, if I were sure
Sure that this world kept its promises
Every inhale a burning desire
Reverberating thoughts clouding
Polluting my mind
Exhale

This isn’t a plea
But I am trying to oversee
But this love I feel for you
Isn’t meant for just one,
It needs two

This legacy of pain
Scorching my veins
Spreading the plague
A world filled of vague

Cure me
Before it spreads
**To you

I will soon devour the sun
on my quest to become
the brightest thing
this side of the galaxy.