Heres a little diddy
'bout my hopes and dreams
Take a little pity
on me please oh please
Tell me that I'll be fine
and you're the one
And that this is the last time
and I'll be done

I don't talk about my problems because I don't want my problems to become yours.
I don't want you to adopt my destructive habits and thoughts. The way I avoid questions and disguise bad situations.
I don't talk about the things I have had to experience, not because I don't want you to know those things about me, but because I know that they will change you. In some way. Maybe they will change the way you see me, the way you treat me, or maybe even the way you see the rest of the world and yourself.
I don't want to tell you every detail about my relations with men because I don't want you to fear them as well.
I don't want to tell you about the harassment and torture I endured throughout the years because I don't want to reveal the things that hurt me.
I don't want to tell you about my eating disorders and the way I think because I don't want to give you an instruction manual on ******* yourself.

I avoid becoming too personal with people because it makes me vulnerable. I do not favor being used.

I get irrationally angry when I see that my friends are going through the same problems as me. Maybe it is because I care about them, or it could be because I am jealous. I honestly don't know.

I feel like I am doing a lot and not enough at the same time, and I hate myself for it. I punish myself with restless nights of crying and bleeding, torture myself with challenges against successful people, push myself to the brink of pain and defeat because I know I am cable of being successful. So why do I not just do more?

I'm afraid to tell you
I'm afraid to show you

the skin beneath
the wrist up close
the bare thigh

I'm afraid that I want to tell you
I'm afraid for you to know

that every drunken night
I find myself in the bathroom stall
unsheathing my glistening release

to feel anything but lonliness

Don't have pity on me
Just because I may not be as beautiful as they
Or as smart
Or as talented

Or have as many friends
Or as much money

Or that my anxiety kicks in around them
Or that I wish to hide forever

Or that my words are shallow and forgotten
Or that my voice is drowned out in a sea of strangers
And that I can't find myself anymore

But don't have pity on me
Because even though I am broken
And my lips sing the sweet sound of blasphemy
There remains one voice in the back of my mind

Determination.

Wish I was
Wish you weren't
Wish we did
But we couldn't.

A better time
A better place
A better life
In your embrace

Just more pain
Nothing new
Another scar
But I knew

That stories change
but end the same
Always thinking:
"Am I to blame ?"