If there is a wall
it's made of silk
or skin, my own skeleton
the veil of distance
soft, but obstinate
cloaks me in a Sunday morning
where I am yours
I forget about time
cages and bones
I only feel your mouth
static shock kisses
linger in a space shared
two worlds apart

Getting a phone call from a friend
She's choking on her words
All she's feeling is
pain, hurt, confusion
she doesn't know what to do
The happy bubbly girl you know
Calls you reaching out to you
for help
It's hard to hold back the tears yourself
But you have to stay strong for her sake
Talk to her don't stop
Don't leave the call
Until she feels okay again
I'm always here for you
Anytime
At all
Just ask

Hello...
It's been a long time
Since we last talked on the phone.
And it feels like our friendship
Hangs on a thread
And I don't like this at all.

Ring... Ring... Ring...
Click.
You used to answer at third ring.
Sometimes you'll even
Pick up before that first
Riiing...
Now I am afraid to call you
On my lonely walk home
Because, I know you knew
My fear of rejection
And lately
You've been rejecting my calls.

But I miss your voice
And those late night calls
And not feeling so lonely
While walking home
Because we share a virtual reality:
A third space for just you and me
On the phone
And we don't have that
Anymore.
What's wrong?

Today was my cousin Joe's birthday, but I think of him more as an uncle considering he's closer to my dad's age than mine, that's besides the point of this, though. I haven't seen him or talked to him in 5 to 6 years due to  his mental conditions. The past 10 years or so have consisted of a lot of ups and downs for him. I can't remember when exactly it was, but it was fairly recent, that he was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. When I had found this out, I was probably a pre teen and I didn't fully understand what this meant, but I do remember feeling a punch to my chest. Joe was my best friend when I was child and he was a vital part how growing up went for me. I always looked forward to holidays and family gatherings because I knew he'd be there and we'd get to spend time together and share laughs. When he was diagnosed, he was no longer around... He needed to get help and as sad as that made me, I knew it was for the best. Today was his birthday, today I called him meaning it'd be the first time we had talked in almost six years. I could tell he wasn't the same man he was when I was a child, but that didn't make a difference, I was just happy to hear his voice. He hadn't realized I had already graduated high school or that I was on my first year of college or that my sister had a baby. At certain points in the conversation, he had called me by my sister's name, but I knew I shouldn't take it personally, I knew he knew that it was me he was speaking to. He had said my voice was calm and that I sounded just like my father, I never thought that was something I would be happy to hear. When the circumstances aren't what they once were, you come to appreciate what you get. You appreciate the little things because the big things are no longer something you can experience. How can you possibly make up the time  loss in six years through a sixteen minute phone call? You can't, but I sure as hell did try. I never realized how much I had changed in those years until he had picked up the phone. I realized I wasn't the same little girl and I didn't have the same dreams I had that time in my life. He was different, too. Not the golly man he once was. He hadn't lost the light that kept him going though and I think that's really important to consider. Mental illnesses are always going to be mental illnesses, but what is important is you don't let them win. You don't realize how significant a person's mental health is to their well being until you see the mental health of someone you love spiraling down at a fast speed, potentially taking them away at any moment. You're not your mental illnesses, you'll always be my best friend. "I love you, kid." "I love you, too." That's what was said before I clicked the end button on my iPhone.

Hi.
I miss you.
Please come home.
I love you.

It's so dark
It's so dark
I can't meet my own gaze of my reflection
The pain refuses to fade
It won't stop
It won't stop
I can't turn on the lights I'm too afraid of what I might see
The bleeding won't stop but I can't tell anyone
Panic
Panic
please please just stop
no one can find out
Then I call you
and I don't even say anything
But you see my name on your caller ID
and you hear the catch in my breathing
a stifled sob
I whisper: I can't
You say: I know
I'm here
and we simply remain on the phone
the empty dead air between us
not a word to fill it
but we simply exchange silence
and somehow it's comforting
but what twisted secrets we keep

Repost if you have a twisted secret
Please comment, I love to read interpretations of my poetry!

There’s a third space
That’s not quite here
Yet not quite there.
It’s a dark place
With no clear light
Other than the fireflies
That hover close listening,
To our quiet whispers
To our quick mumbling
And to the declarations.
There’s a slight drizzle,
But I don’t mind,
Because your voice is
      My umbrella
      My blanket
      My everything.
Close my eyes, listening
To the muffled backg­round,
It makes me think
I’m there with you.
But not quite there –
In a third         space,
With you beside me.
I don’t hangup first
Because I want to
Listen for your guard
As it falls         away
Some where in         that

                 Third space.