The world stands still.
The hand stopps working
And everything falls silent.
Nothing happens,
But everything goes right past me.
'Tick tack" reverberates in my mind,
The hand swirls around,
Does time exist?
The world moves too fast.
No matter what ever happens, i'll stand still.
I don't walk straight ahead
Not right
Not left.
Just sometimes i look back
Try to look forward after it
But my eyes are full of tears.
I've stopped living,
Even if my heart still beats.

It is trapped inside my mind,
The dark thoughts, they wouldn’t leave,
But it is not like i’m letting them go.
I can hear them scream and moan inside
It’s like my demos will never shut up.

I can slowly feel how they’re stuck,
Someplace between my mouth and my lungs.
I feel like i can’t take it anymore,
I feel like i’ll have to shut it off.

I can’t breath anymore,
Its taking it all,
All that i had left inside,
Just as you did.

My brain never stops,
It´s always thinking and thinking to let me die,
It is not longer like before,
Not as sweet as an apple pie,
And not as bitter as salt.

I don't do this much
It happens too often
Maybe i should hide
Or scape from my torments
I know you could be
The best of my memories
All i have from you
A perpetual hallucination
It is all i need
I don't seem to want it
I don't try to hard
Or do anything about it
Like a little kid
Want it back when you can't have it
I will not regret
Though change is an option
Maybe I should leave
But i found a solution
It's true thinking can be
Such a big torment
What we should all do
Is just live in the moment

funny, isn't it? how facebook displays how long it's been since a person was last active. they remind me that i was a mere three hundred seconds from catching you online, but that's okay; no, really!, it is;

because my fingers are hovering over my keyboard and the blinker's just blinking in its white little space, this Type a message... glaring at me accusingly. wait, give me a second. what do i tell you? what should i say?

hi is safe. so is hello. hey seems a little too casual, doesn't it? should i put an emoji? a heart? no, no. a smiley face. but just the normal smiley face, not the one with closed eyes and everything. or maybe i should use that instead?

but /then what/?

i guess i could ask you how your day went. that sounds well enough. i can ask you about the weather. no, ******, it's always hot. nothing interesting there. i'll just branch out after you tell me what you've done today, where you've gone. oh, you went to the movies? that's great. last movie i watched was Captain America: Civil War. are you team cap or team iron man? peachy. just peachy. perfect. i've got this. i am s--

*******, you're online. why are you online? the green circle is just staring at me and oh my god, you're typing, you're typing in to our chat box. oh my god. i liked it better when you were inactive. when you were offline. now i just wait, maybe pretend i wasn't this loser waiting for you to talk to me, this loser who had you on my mind, this loser overthinking what i should say to y--

You (12:39 PM)
Hey. I was just thinking about you. :)

i worry a lot, i over-think; i’m sure there’s something you’re not telling me

9 pm
“Good morning! I hope your day goes well!”
You once said
that I brightened your mornings.

10 pm
Just wait a bit.

11 pm
Just a little bit more,
it *is a different time zone.

12 mn
What time do I have to wake up again?

1 am
Where are you?

2 am
I’m tired.
I’ll wait.
How are you?

3 am
My eyes are burning.
“Well, I hope your day
is going well.”
             —i love you
I signed off with that.
             —you don’t care anymore

7 am
I’m getting ready for my day
now.
I’m late already.
I’ll just check my phone later.

1 New Message
Received: 5 am
“my day is ok.”