to break boundaries
redefine limits
exceed expectations
sculpt the future
to not only survive
but to thrive
in a world that wants
to hold us back

all while bleeding.

Sometimes
I hate everything about me
And I sit
In my room
In a house where I am clearly loved
And remember
The words that dripped from her tongue
Like venom
Like surgically sharp blades
Cutting out my innocence
Systemically
Piece by piece
Until she was gone
That little girl that she was supposed to love
Protect
Keep from harm
Those words!
You are nothing
No one will ever love you
You are disgusting
Don't tell anyone
Keep quiet
Nobody will believe you
And I think, once again, that she was right
I know what she was
A monster
An abusive stealer of souls
But still
I blame me
It's my fault
It's my fault
It's my fault
But then I hear footsteps on the stairs
Of our beautiful home
And you Take me in your arms
Wordlessly at first
And as I melt into you
You say the words I need to believe
I'm proud of you
I love you
It wasn't your fault
You matter
And I know I have finally found home.

i used to lay
on the hard sidewalk
sandwiched between the street
and the subway station
in the early morning
and feel the rhythmic
tap
    tap
       tap
of each step
of each passerby
wondering for each
what are your struggles
your everyday fight
what breaks you
and defeats your pupose
then i stay
and wait
until the familiar faces
pass by again
and by now
it is dark
and cold
when they walk by
i wonder once more
what reminded you to live today
what is the reason you keep on surviving
why do you continue to breathe today
who showed you how to overcome
i've noticed since then
that i don't remember
the faces
no
i remember the eyes
the familiar eyes
that remind me of
the struggle to live
the fight to survive
the broken breaths
the defeats
and i'm reminded
that no one showed you how to overcome

Coyote’s mournful howl echoed
in the new moon’s enchanting sultry ether;
breathing the living harmony of the wilderness rhythm

He seemed to sense a soul reincarnation
      within a pervasive spirit light
      an oft misunderstood
      common thread shared
      this hallowed land’s night

An uncommon Zen stirring from within,
              stifling apathy ..,
. . . of rumble deep beneath
      a dormant volcano reawakening ;
      that which lies undiscovered
      just before the ruptured moment ..,
      liberation of release ―
      dust and ashes taking flight

Through open window              insomnia churns
                          fifty shades of blue ..,
      cast in shadowed hues of broken silence

Coyote stirred the stillness
      with a hauntingly familiar cry
      reading the ridge-top echoes
      like the book of my mind

" YIP YIP   A ―W O O H !!! " . . . the somber plea

For it is in these final hours chosen chore
      the recurring torn
      these chains and things

Coyote was going there ―
      to stand these watermark crossroads
      this hour of need

Accepting brother has always been lonely
      sometimes anything
      means something - -
and so it goes ..,

Coyote communes in pulse
      from ancient realms
      this sacred blood ..,
                Om
         the lost chord

      wounded healers ,
. . . one mutual spirit
      runs marrow deep
      where dogs run free

The moan of doves whisper to the impending dawn
. . . always known these days
      too soon do come and gone

What once was a life well lived ,
      s l o w l y     e v a n e s c i n g
      like the summer river’s flow

some say ..." you never miss the water
      'til the well runs dry "
. . . regrets a waste of time - -

Rumination, a loathsome silent reverie
      a taunting unsolved koan

      an unplanned oxymoron ,  
      beget of a deafening silence
. . . dust sleeps with indifference
      veiling a beautiful handmade
      unstrung guitar
      muted - - abandoned,
      tone poems, unsung

and so "re-begins" the task ...
      come what may rise up
      into the dark star's light ...

Coyote was going there - -
      a dawning metamorphosis
      under another nebulous sky

. . . refreshed by Luna's potent alchemy bestrewn
      in her spellbinding lambent moonlight elixir of life ...


harlon rivers  ... 5. 21. 2015

It's hard to be a small fish in a big sea,
And even harder when it storms.
One day all is going well,
Then you're thrown into coral thorns.

Choppy water, powerful waves,
Swirling currents,
Can't catch a break.

When you feel an inch tall
In a world so large,
Don't sit back and watch,
It's time to take charge.

We can't change the world
And we can't stop the storms
But we control ourselves
Even when the wind whirls.

Find your protection,
Find your strength,
Find your safety,
And find your own peace.

When you armor yourself
And don't depend on the world,
No matter the chaos,
Peace can always be yours.

Look to the stars
in this maze of life.
It is when you travel
that it is the same sky
we're under.

Blessings rain on us all
as well as curses and pain.
Turn to the inky sky
freckled
with scintillas.
Let the umbran tendrils
fall behind you.

I trusted you.
I trusted that even if I let go of your hand,
you'd never let go of mine.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would listen to understand,
not listen only to retaliate.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you were my go to person,
not the one who had to walk away from me.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would argue until it's fixed,
not punish me with silence and distance.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would stay with me,
not walk out of the house and not come back.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you would come back wanting me,
not back only coz I asked you to return.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you want me even through this,
not just be with me coz you have to.

I trusted you.
I trusted that you love and care for me,
not just said so and still had the courage to walk out.

I trusted you.
or maybe that wasn't trust.

Perhaps...

I assumed you.
I assumed that you'd hold my hand,
even if I'd let go.

I assumed that you listen and understand me,
even if you're only going to retaliate.

I assumed that you were my go to person,
even if you wanted to walk away from me.

I assumed that you would argue until it's fixed,
even if silence and distance were mere threats.

I assumed that you would stay with me,
even if you wanted to walk out and not come back.

I assumed that you would come back wanting me,
even if you would only return coz I'd have asked.

I assumed that you want me even through this,
even if you were only being with me coz you had to.

I assumed that you loved and cared for me,
even if you had the courage to walk out.

I assumed you. And thought I'd trusted you.

Coz isn't that what you do,
when you love and think you really know someone?
Trust them and assume them?

Maybe that's where I went wrong.

I should've trusted you for who you are.
Or assumed differently.

Maybe I should learn the difference between the two.
Maybe I should learn to love better.

Maybe I should...