I said hello after a good_bye
I hate relagion
Doubt &fear
Find a spot light in my soul
Could I be open minded?

Again
It says ride
Ride your soul
With an amazing art

Done blaming myself
Want to give myself love
That I deserve

Been fake
And treating badly myself
For far too long

Done being harsh with myself
I wanna grow
Although accepting myself
For who I am

I see the light in my eyes
I just woke up
Now I again recognize
My love and soul

I wanna give me the strength
I'm gonna need
I will be there for myself
From now on
Again

I won't be afraid
Of losing myself
Because
I'm here

I stop crusading myself,
I am still here

I see the light
In my eyes
It makes believe
I see the sun
And the moon
And I can breath

<3

windows open windows closed
water pours out of the sky from the window
cities are melting around me
I sit quietly all somewhere

windows closed windows open
today is a new year
tomorrow is already the first tomorrow
first time opening new curtains

11.12.18

You’ve moved on.
And that’s just fine.
You were nothing
But grime under my nails.
A stale hit.
The key didn’t fit-
So go ahead and mail it back.
I need a new one
To get over the
Old act.
Matter of fact,
I need a new one altogether.
Someone who will show me off better.
Bored of the
Mundane brains surrounding
My skewed one.
I’m just a dainty demon,
Who wants to have some fun.
Rearranged blame, pounding in my head-
Seeing red
Until I find the right one
Who feels the same.
I am not the one to blame.
Reciprocate my passion-
Stop playing in my feelings.
Guessing real love is too old fashioned
For a young boy like you to be feeling.

At home mum had the last say,
All members of the family looked up to her everyday,
Times have changed,
She passed away, wise and aged.
Before she went,
Her last advice to me she sent,
Dear, you too have a large family,
And if you want peace and be happy,
Keep your eyes open,
Your ears open,
Listen,
But your mouth shut,
Let the problems sort themselves out.
Let you be their Godess Statue,
Wise and astute.

when you're born a girl.
But don't feel like one.
When you are forced to go swimming and expose your body.
The one that causes all the pain and dysphoria.
Oh how much it ***** having boys staring at your *****.
When you want to be one of them.

It's a secret
Often a vanishing silhouette
into the manifold shades of the night
beneath the endless stars!

It's open in plain sight
seen many a time
in mesmerising first light!

I don't want someone to settle for me. I want the beautiful, talented, and amazing women I know to be happy. And I'm afraid that I am not good enough to bring them that joy and that I will hold them back if we were anything than friends. Yet, I, like most people, crave love and affection -- the simple romantic in me falls in love so easily. The classmate who were supportive of my fiction and always left smiley faces on their critiques, the one who went out of her way to drive me home when I was struggling with money and who always encouraged me and told me how amazing my wiring was. Or the one who trusted me with her vulnerabilities without expecting me it asking for my help, just telling me that it existed so that I could better understand her. Or... Or... Or...

But, too afraid to cause pains that had been caused to me and too afraid to get hurt again, I shut myself off from all but the minimum or safest of social requirements. I secluded myself and retreated into isolation -- which inevitably lead to more insecurity and more despair.

As I've grown older and understood myself more, I've learned that I'm polyamorus, that I can be in love with multiple people for different, but equal, reasons. This further isolates me because our society is only just starting to accept polyamory and it's easier (but worse) for me to just stay secluded and cut off from love.

If I don't try then I can't be hurt, right?
If I don't put myself out there then I can't be rejected, right?