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Emma Apr 2020
You feel the burning within, no?
The festering of your morality?
There is nothing so infinitesimal as the meaning of your existence.
But don’t despair, child.
Fear is a construct of your own mind.
Will you conquer it? Or will you die like a dog?
Better to leave this world covered in blood than in tears.
Smear your shame on a canvas and call it art
When we all know that you cannot capitalize on your suffering
But I ask, do not stop
Watching you walk the fine line between reason and madness is tantalizing

I know you hate me, love.
I can feel your anger seethe from your body and ooze out of every pore.
Your mind rots from the fermenting emotions inside.
You want to carve me open.
Watch wine spill on the floor, coating everything in a sickly shade of red.
Shatter the glasses and pierce your skin
Blood is so bright, a stark contrast to the black and white nature of our vision
Splatter the walls in red, just to have something organic decorating your walls
Show the world the artist you are
Paint your face in your medium
Pick up your brush
Tears in your eyes, blurring your view
Can you finish the task?
Will you survive outside of this world?
Can you escape your own decay?

But it is getting late.
The sun is setting on many things, and you don’t have much time.
You cannot **** me in any way that matters, so stop trying.
I will always be with you.
A guide. Mapping the void for you.
So do not fret, dear.
Your soul will be dealt with the hour is right.
No god can save you from the fate I have in store for you.
Emma Jan 2018
I used to wonder why storms are named after people
I now know that it’s because they will destroy you in the most permanent way possible
The rain comes down heavily; the wind picks up causing trees to sway crazily, threatening to fall. They were the perfect storm. I could appreciate a good rain; I could handle it. I didn’t think this could ruin me.
I didn’t think they could ruin me.
The rain is coming down so hard I’m scared the roof will crumble. The power line across the street comes down with a large oak that’s been there for upwards of years, and a small electrical fire starts. It grows bigger and bigger until it’s uncontrollable.
It starts to flood, water coming in from the small windows.
I’m scared. I’m cold. I’m unable to control what’s going on and it’s terrifying.
Most of all, I’m angry with myself for trusting.
It was a bad decision to greet the world with arms wide open

Standing out is not an option
People can see every crack in your heart when you wear it on your sleeve
Every day was a dance with death;
My shaky body was poised and delicate, much like a dancer,
Only, I was poisoned and a skeleton
An act of cannibalism, in the most passive way possible
I wanted my body to digest itself so that I could create someone better
I spent lunch alone, wasting away, waiting for hope
I was an empty shell with hollowed out eyes, that stared at opportunity and only sighed
In my mind I didn’t matter, so my soul didn’t even bother showing up to school
My girl’s night out of body experience became the only thing I’d do on Fridays

I used to be a happy kid
I didn’t know then that everything would become a battle with no way to win
I’ve been shot down so many times that I get altitude sickness just from standing up for myself
I’ve blistered my hands from holding onto failed relationships because I was so afraid of being alone
I’m not the only kid who grew up this way
So many kids are addicted to pain,
The urge to hurt is a drug in their veins,
I hate when I see the way their eyes glaze
As they turn into dolls, eyes jutting out and glistening like ice after it thaws
Because I once was there too
I know what it’s like to lose faith
I know what it’s like to be afraid
I know what it’s like to stand in the middle of a hurricane
Watching the world fall apart at your feet to the beat of your racing heart

I learned to play piano with broken fingers because I gripped too ******* my dreams
I painted apologies in the stars with the night, sorry that I forgot so many wishes
Wrote letters to people that they’d never get to read
Lyrics to songs I’d never sing
And stories of love that would never be
I learned to play blue because I was sorry
That I ran away from love because I thought I could handle life alone
Commitments don’t leave the safety of their home frequently
And I’m a little tired of waiting
The uncertainty of catastrophe- messy, tender, threatening- confines me
I feel like I’ve been punched in the face so many times that I can’t breathe
I laugh away my problems like bad jokes will make them leave
I have a problem with my mind. Take care of me.

I’m tired of living like this.
Trying to breathe in the unpredictability.
I’m only a rock, unable to leave as the storm wears me away
Night wraps its hands around my throat, stifling any hope of a better day
We tear down the stars with bloodied knuckles
No longer saying sorry for mistakes we didn’t make
I’m not going to be ashamed for not falling in love
Unfortunately I learned to play God
The celestial skeleton of the eye watches as I fall.
Like the good soul of hope, it concerns the night.
It calls us, beckoning us towards chaos
For nothing is so meaningless as when we lose our bearings.

— The End —