there we sit, waiting
for your dad to pick us up
bus stop pavement
spilling our guts

just like we did
when we used to talk
secrets glistening on the pavement
i don't know you anymore

opening like a mouth
the sun is bright and hot
like a tongue or a ribcage
that i used to know the shape of

spit blood at me and
ask me for advice
let me read the sequel
let me back into your life

Out of fashion, out-dated
there's no help for it, so let me be
unattractive, rejected
because I show myself so conspicuously
and attract attention needlessly

That's how I'm seen. I am seen
and the whispering amuses me
although nobody talks to me

And you let me wait again
until the reception calls
that you are there

So I just sit here
looking out the window
I am used to it, there is nothing to see
at the back of the hotel
and it is getting dark

You always were impatient
My make-up took too long for you
and you sat angry in the car

but if I behaved exactly
the way you had conceived
you could really be sweet

stop telling me that this is just a phase
stop telling me that you will change
stop telling me that you need me
stop telling me to stop overthinking
stop breaking my heart
stop crushing my trust
stop trying to change my mind
stop trying to include me when you know you don't want to
stop acting like its such a hassle to be my friend
stop acting like our relationship is the same
stop making me cry
stop making me jealous
stop giving me false hope
stop telling me that ill be fine
stop getting me stuff and saying "all fixed"
i don't even want that stuff
i want you to care
i want you to listen
i want you to love me again
i want you to break your habits
i want you to tell me that you're sorry
i want you to come to me crying saying that you messed up
i want you to promise me that you would never hurt me like this again
i want. i want. i want.
i never receive
but i stay because im not selfish
i stay because you were once worth it and i hope you can be again
i stay because you used to be my happiness
i stay in hopes that you can be again
i stay because i loved the person you were
sometimes i wonder why i stay
i ask myself why i put myself in so much pain
then i realize
i stay because i know you're going through so much right now
i stay because if i left you would break
if i left it would get worse
if i left you would be lost
and so i stay
not for me, but for you

i do not really understand
who you have become
why you have changed.
what used to seem so real, so clear
is gone.
talking to you is like
speaking through a
foggy
thick
translucent window
where the full picture is distorted
and i never know if you are fully understanding.
i don't want to lose what we have
but i don't know if you truly care

whenever i'm down
lost in the sound
of the voices in my head
wishing i was dead
you'd be my friend

someone once said
losing a true friend
hurts worse then losing a fake love
only now do i know what they meant

watching the sunrise
wishing i could just apologize
but you believe my heart is full of lies
tears fall down from my eyes
i'm sorry i hurt you;
i know not the smartest person person alive

i never thought our friendship would end
ever since i met you my life started to bend
but you soon became the popular trend

i wish you needed me
maybe then our friendship wouldn't be lost at sea
i loved you like I've never loved any other friend, you see

i would have given the world for you
isn't that what real friends do
when you left me i became so blue
the black hole of emptiness inside me grew

were never going to be friends again are we
i know its because of what you think of me
you filled my life with so much glee
i'm sorry you think our friendship wasn't meant to be

i'm sorry for all those things i said
i'm sorry that i want to be dead
i'm sorry for all those things i did
all those times i brought you down
all those time i made you frown
you turned my life upside down
i'm thankful i ever got to be your friend

i'm sorry that it had to end.

Late at night
We hide under covers
Our bodies joined as one
Moving to the soundtrack
Of our raging hearts
But this is like a band-aid
To you I don't exist
Until you're itching to take it off

You saw me
I saw you
You went up to see me
I smiled back too
You asked me how I’ve been
I said I’ve been great
Then your tears started to pour
You said you regretted everything..
You regretted pushing me away
When I kept on catching you
You regretted hurting me
When I was the one always saving you
You looked at  me, crying
Shaking and looking scared
“I regretted losing you when you were the only one who genuinely cared”