Suicide should only be committed once*
So why the hell do I try every couple months
Something's up with the water
I don't feel the rush like I used to
There's no happiness tutorials on YouTube
I laced together my shoes, through them on a wire and convinced myself to sit and think
The kitchen sink's dishes stink
But you are what you eat and I had a helping of insane

Low key lowlife, broke and high under a spotlight
No ice so there's more drink at the drive thru window with my eyes suspiciously low
I'm ridiculously close to laughing what's left of my mind away
I forgot how it feels to feel fine today
It's either *love or hate and there's no areas of gray

*I wish I had a thousand hours to sit down and figure out exactly what the **** that I've been running from
I wish someone would stick around long enough to identify with the place that I'm coming from

Putting in proper
           Place
Everything is OK
Even the entropy
            Of
The world becomes
             Zero

There are thoughts that make my bones shake
smells that make my nose cry
and sights that make my eyes bleed

There are moments when my body loses its tone
when my resting face becomes a canvas of contracting muscles
and I don't realize what is happening

tears precede my thoughts
and I bleed before I have time to think
control is not an option

my vocal cords forget how to resonate
and no longer is my voice my own

my arteries pump more blood
than my heart can pump back
and I feel the blood pulsate in my limbs
as I try to calm down

I forget how it feels
to inhale surrounding air
without feeling suffocated

my thoughts become unrealistic
and you'd think they'd be more organized
but they're not
they are not

reality is the option
my brain is trying to avoid
so I think of movies
and lunch

but like microbes
reality infests the diversion
my brain had created

and a loop plays in my head
a loop of nothingness
of uncertainty and
loss of control

and so the blood rolls down my cheeks
as my bones begin to tremble
and tears fall down my nose

please, God,
let this moment end

My mother never said ,
"I love you" to me
That's OK .
I think it's better than being told ,
"I don't love you anymore."

We're mental and we're going no where while our thoughts are every where.

We're mental...

We're mental and our lives are hell, like we're under a spell.

We're mental...

We're mental and no one cares, no they wouldn't dare.

We're mental...

So **** crazy...

Insane...

Might we add?

*We're mental.

dress torn
underwear ripped
knees forced open
loud sobs fill the room
"shut the **** up"
she stills
begging to a god she didn't know she believed in to end it all
grunts and groaning
its over
"later babe"
she leaves behind ****** sheets, her cellphone, and a *piece of herself

It's fine
            I'm Ok
Don't worry
            I didn't die today

I finally figured a piece that could fit
     Decent enough to mention
          That gets deeper with each visit
     And though it wasn't my intention
       We invented vivid scriptures Shakespeare would weep to
           Crackheads could sleep to
       That's just the calm of absolution as it creeps through
         We never needed a deity's forgiveness or god to bear witness
   To this **** that we do behind closed doors cause in these moments I'm finally yours

      And that's all that should matter