Putting in proper
           Place
Everything is OK
Even the entropy
            Of
The world becomes
             Zero

There are thoughts that make my bones shake
smells that make my nose cry
and sights that make my eyes bleed

There are moments when my body loses its tone
when my resting face becomes a canvas of contracting muscles
and I don't realize what is happening

tears precede my thoughts
and I bleed before I have time to think
control is not an option

my vocal cords forget how to resonate
and no longer is my voice my own

my arteries pump more blood
than my heart can pump back
and I feel the blood pulsate in my limbs
as I try to calm down

I forget how it feels
to inhale surrounding air
without feeling suffocated

my thoughts become unrealistic
and you'd think they'd be more organized
but they're not
they are not

reality is the option
my brain is trying to avoid
so I think of movies
and lunch

but like microbes
reality infests the diversion
my brain had created

and a loop plays in my head
a loop of nothingness
of uncertainty and
loss of control

and so the blood rolls down my cheeks
as my bones begin to tremble
and tears fall down my nose

please, God,
let this moment end

My mother never said ,
"I love you" to me
That's OK .
I think it's better than being told ,
"I don't love you anymore."

We're mental and we're going no where while our thoughts are every where.

We're mental...

We're mental and our lives are hell, like we're under a spell.

We're mental...

We're mental and no one cares, no they wouldn't dare.

We're mental...

So **** crazy...

Insane...

Might we add?

*We're mental.

dress torn
underwear ripped
knees forced open
loud sobs fill the room
"shut the **** up"
she stills
begging to a god she didn't know she believed in to end it all
grunts and groaning
its over
"later babe"
she leaves behind ****** sheets, her cellphone, and a *piece of herself

It's fine
            I'm Ok
Don't worry
            I didn't die today

I finally figured a piece that could fit
     Decent enough to mention
          That gets deeper with each visit
     And though it wasn't my intention
       We invented vivid scriptures Shakespeare would weep to
           Crackheads could sleep to
       That's just the calm of absolution as it creeps through
         We never needed a deity's forgiveness or god to bear witness
   To this **** that we do behind closed doors cause in these moments I'm finally yours

      And that's all that should matter

I still remember the days when you had promised and said we would last forever. Forever and always remember? Do you remember telling me that if our forever and always didn't really turn out to be, that you'd still be here by my side and how you would always be my friend. Even if we weren't what we used to be. Forever and always just like you had promised. But I guess over time forever and always never meant anything and promises are just meant to be broken. Some days I start to wonder, what if I had never let those three little but very important words slip my mouth 'l love you'. What if I never said yes or if I hadn't said all those cute little things we both wished would happen but never did.  Sometimes I would over think my past decisions and ask myself why had I gotten myself into this mess and why I have let it get this far. I myself knowing I would never be able to break out of this cage. Even if it meant hurting myself and even the others around me that I love. Some day's I wonder how my life would be without you, how I would be if you hadn't entered my life like you did. I must say my life isn't perfect and I sure in hell know i'm not either. I'm not the skinniest girl nor am I the prettiest. I have problems and I deal with them on a daily basis. And you even knew this yet you never stayed. But in the end I am happy ?to say I got over you and the way you had treated me. I know I may never get over you as for you were my first love. But I will never ever forgive you for what you have done to me.