i realized that i have the power to take the things that oppose and depress me and banish them after i force them into a physical object into the astral realm.
that being said.

I'm gonna roll up your words real tight and I'm gonna smoke them until I'm high- enough so that I forget what you even said in the first place.

And the smoke will enter my lungs and try to choke me but i don't mind being choked-
and i'll blow out your words real slow until they dissipate.
they'll disappear into the air and though i'll be slowed by a cancerous death, I will have controlled it myself.

in other words,
"*******"

this is the town you where raised
and this very town, would also be the reason why you left
a town
where you onced recieved compliments
pretty
fancy
prime
proper
this town
is the very town, that destroyed you
because
you
are a woman
and treated as
a decor on a man's house
a possession
an object
a collectors item
when you revolted
and all you hear are such words
*****
filthy
ugly
used to be
*woman

In the summer of 1988 my brother and I found something in our grandmothers backyard.  It was a very hot summer that year and little rain had graced the very parched yellow grass.  However there was one small area where the grass stayed green.  It was there my brother and I had found The indestructuable circular object.   It was made of some kind of glass and would emit small patterns of light.  We kept it a secret from everyone.  
     We took it everywhere with us.  One day we decided to take it to the lake with us.  We were going to use it much like a magnifying glass and wanted look at all the insects and plants.   We then came upon a dead bird first.  We used the circular object to look deep into the feathers of the dead bird.  Many lights begin to shine within in the object.   It then almost seem to wrap around the bird in an instant.  The birds wings started to flap!  It then flew into the trees and begin to sing.  
     The indestructuable circular object lay there on the ground shining like a small sun.  My brother and I were in awe at what we just saw.  It now made sense on why the grass was green on where it sat at my grandmothers house.  Whatever this thing was it seem to give life.  We decided to test it on everything around us!  We picked up a dead leaf and held it close to the circular object.  It shined yet again and the leaf turned green!  We used it on a stick, and then a dead grasshopper.  All of which came back to life!  
    The evening slowly painted the day away.  We made our way home. We both lay in bed staring at the amazing indestructuable circular object.  It would let out small sprites of light here and there.  We couldnt wait to use it tomorrow!  In the middle of the night we awoke to the circular object doing some sort of strange hum.  It did it for about thirty seconds and then seem to quiet down.
   The morning had come and we were out the door at first light.  My brother remembered seeing a dead cat on the road a block away.  This was going to be a bigger test!  The cat had been hit by a car. I was a bit scared to try it on the cat. What if it came back looking the way it did after the car hit him!  We but the object near the cat and it shined brighter than ever before!   There was even a strange sound coming out of it!

"aw,
why don't you
smile!"
the man says,
looking at me.

"c'mon,
you old thing,
fly!"
the child says,
kicking the dead bird.

I'm not going to smile
to look pretty for you
a sight to see
a sight for sore eyes
I am not
a dog.

in my
abusive
relationship
my ex would tell me
every day
to clean his room
clean the basement
do the laundry
if i didn't
I was treated
like a bad
dog.
made to look at the mess
but
it was not mine.
many times,
when I did
my
job
it wasn't sufficient
"I *******
HATE
CLUTTER"

clean it yourself,
then.
but no,
I did.
even when
I didn't like you.
even when
I hated you.

when I was 19
at the bookstore
a man
told me to get him
a card,
could have reached it
himself
could have done it
himself
guess I misheard him
and got him the wrong one
"are you stupid?!"
in his thick
accent
"stupid girl
get me
a napkin.
throw it out
here,
throw it out
I said"

you can't be any
good at video games,
you're a girl.

you can't be
bisexual
you're just doing it
for attention.

you can't
wear that
and expect people to respect you
expect people
not to harass you
expect people
to think you're smart
expect people
to not think you're a
****.

IF
I am a ****
for being confident with my body
for being comfortable
with
my sexuality
for being open
about
my orientation
for enjoying
***
then yeah, I am
I am not ashamed
of any of those things
and they do not make me
less of a
human.

don't
tell me
to smile.
don't
tell me
what to do
or
when to do it
I will do
what I want
whenever the ****
I want


I won't
smile.
I will wear
tank tops
and makeup
and beat your ***
in every video game
make you feel
worthless
I will
speak my mind
have opinions
morals
I will
read literature
learn
educate myself
educate others
I will
have ***
with whomever I want
safely, but
without any shame

I will
be
human

I see you in everything
Whether it's in objects or sounds
Dreams or memories
Thinking or doing
I see you in everything
And I don't know if it's good or bad