Sadness and numbness collide
It feels like too much and I'm not alright
I can tell something's wrong inside
If it weren't so hard I'd give up on this fight
A piece of me wants to get better
Other parts just want my demise
So back and forth my mood tremors
So many thoughts that they all sound like lies
I'm too anxious to even discuss it
Too many choices I make make it worse
The doctors say drugs do not help this
But this bottle's relief and a curse
It's so hard to complain since I know that
My own actions add weight to this burden
I crave an escape but I forget
Not even those will stop this hurting

it's funny looking back at how much you broke me
because now i can't feel a single thing for anyone anymore
but the thought of you has faded now
i just wonder when i'll get to feel that way again

Numbing Rage

Is it ok to feel this numb
Is it ok to feel this angry
I just wish to express myself
But it keeps getting taken away

Do you even care for me
Or does your religion force you to?
Saying you care is different to showing
I guess I figured that out too late

You say your a Christian; a saint,
But the way you act tells a different story
So boldly you choose, to make me cry
Do you even care that I want to die?

My life keeps getting taken away
Its not even possible to express myself
I guess its in my best interest to not be angry.
I guess its ok to feel this numb.

flowing, my tears are flowing
i just want to have my the end.
numbness, my soul is drowning
in an ocean of numbness

stop. please. make it stop.
I. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ANYMORE!!!!
when can i reach my the end???
i don't want to continue on IF life is like this.

my heart, so frozen...
my mind, so self-poisoned...

Why are you always like a knife to the gut
I still dont know what you wanted from me
Or what you want from me
Was it a game
Was it fate
Was it a dream
For me it's a nightmare I can't wake up from
Don't look at me
Don't talk to me
Don't touch me
Please touch me
I'm addicted to the way you touch me
But you always left too soon for it to be casual
I still don't know who played who
But some days I wonder
When you left me behind
What if I had followed you

I wonder whats making me feel this way
I cant quite getting high,
Finding ways to die
In a life
I cant ignite
Cant be the light
Flowing through the night
I don’t want to do whats right
Flying like a kite
This suit is pretty tight
Doesn’t feel quite right
I cant find my sight,

I wonder whats making me feel this way
I want to sleep through the day
Be spent away
Inking my skin grey
And i wish i can pray
I just might betray
I wish i can pray
I wish i can pray!
If god knows my body’s decay
He knows i still obey,
The laws written before today..

Though to some i sin
They stare and grin
But i cant bare this skin
And whats within
There is a pin
In a tin
Under my chin
And i can’t swallow it in
The thought that when
I breathe, i spin
To places i have never been
And the violence
Of my heart screaming like a violin.