i have nothing left to lose
and so much more to gain

Mama says

Find a man
            that makes you happy
Find a man
            that takes care of you
Find a man
            that loves you beyond limits
Find a man
            that will cherish you
Find a man
            that is loyal and trusting


Dear Mama,
I found him

But Mama, what do I comprimise?

It seems nothing is so beguiling as it appears,
Feels like I'm looking at some void;
Enwrapped in the nothingness of time,
My heart yearns for euphoria,
To enliven the wearied ardor for it's being.
I keep calling out,
Even though there's noone to hear me;
Wondering if there's something missing in my orison.
Yet I feel a personage telling me not to give up,
That in the fullness of time we'll thrive;
So I'll keep trying ,
Even if I'm besieged by nothing,
I'll sojourn with gaiety,
Keeping that love right within me.
The path may seem meandering into nihility,
Yet I'll go on,
Engraved may, through my footsteps
Remain forever our favorite song.

I don’t know how to feel,
So I feel nothing at all.

I don't bite...
Hell.
These days
I don't even bark.

No bite, no bark, nothing.

Being tired tires you.

Plus.

I got nothing to bite.

Nothing new, nothing good wherever i look
How many days i have to count?
How many years i have to wait?
To finally say "Yes! I did it!"

Nobody knows why I'm still here
I feel stuck but i need to move
Would my future self thank me if do everything to improve?

Is it possible to have absolutely nothing on your mind.
Just staring at the cracks in the ceiling,
while scrunched in bed.
The gentle taps of the rain
would lightly knock on your windowsill.
Your favorite song-
escaping from your earbuds.
And for a moment, you forget about the world
and all your worries.

My body still searches for you
In a sea of bedsheets and stuffed animals.

I try to mimic the warmth of your arms around me.
I, once again, fail miserably...
Just like I did when you packed up and left.

My hands sleepily clasp at nothingness.
I am half asleep,
Just at the stage before waking up,
Desperately trying to find any semblance of you.

I was always told my insomnia was the reason for my lack of rest.
But what do we call it when I can not fall asleep without you beside me?

At times I feel like there really is nothing. What is the point of me ? What’s my purpose ? What am I supposed to do in this world that holds any type of value and meaning ? What is my direction ?
I don’t know any of it...