I have stopped for a while
to understand where am going
So lost that I had to ask
strangers for directions
though I don't believe their every word
but do I have an option at this crossroad
Mind so filled with preconceived prejudice
that letting go seems like a huge risk
Am afloat holding a rope in the space
Whose end is tied so tight I can't escape.
I am here but not here at all
Am I even moving or standing alone
Is anyone listening reach out if you can
before I let loose into the oblivion.

As the final flame burns to ash
Darkness floods the world over
A fog, suffocating all it consumes
Until a darkened soul
lights the empty ember
restoring the lost flame

His name, his name has been written inside of me as if my body was paper
It's as if each letter has been carved on my naked heart (and I can't escape it)
And it hurts painfully, my eyes are getting wetter
And I can't face this weather
(tear drop rain and love heart clouds).

And his little stabbing words haunt me like
the ghosts of future memories
(The ones that will never take place)
They sing stupid stick lullabies
where the sounds of your voice feels like
something I will learn to miss.  

Due to the sight of him, he makes me casually swim in His Ocean
I would cry for his affections
I would cry and cry until Our Oceans become
One
And every thought would be his and would be mine too.


Having a crush is like being in the Summer Rain.........  




(Being (or thinking you are) madly in love with someone is normal, it creates madness, but just be aware of it, because love that you desire awaits you, you just need to be patience) Being patience is a virtue.

Intoxicated by my thoughts.
Wishing I knew what is making it all swerve around like snake or worm. I don’t know what caused it? It might had been the tragic event that happened on Wednesday? Even maybe this might be my next mental state prospective; that is strange like all of them.
     I wish that everything was normal and that I could think straight. Too many things my brain can process, a tragic event or my brain trying to confused me with answers on a test cause I start thinking about my future. Wishing I could go back to the past and be in those comfort memories, that I day dream about and play in a movie in my brain on constant.
    Only if I could dissect brain. Though I’m in this real world; I’m supposedly in. I could dissect it; however, it would be hard cause I have Derealization and Dyslexia.

oceans are so serene and beautiful.
oceans are so black and peril.
my ocean changes frequently, i don't have much control over the waves.
some days the waves are a sparkly blue, with warm sunshine warming it through and through.
it sways so calm and lazily.
other days not so placid.
just like that the waves turn black and freezing, and the water crashes, smothering any beauty or peace in its sight.
i on my small boat, have to ride the waves no matter what,
they are mine of course.
when the sea storm rumbles and brews i whisper to myself “don't drown don't drown”
don't drown.
i refuse to let my ship sink and go down.
why you ask?
well..
because i force myself to think of how stunning the ocean is on the good days,
and
how much my ocean can withstand on a stormy day.
even if it is easier to let the water push my body under and take me,
i will not drown.

All I can say now is sorry my dear
For I've known in my heart and in my head
I can not stay, even if you are here
For I'll be mad from my dawn 'till I'm dead
And who knows, for I will never tell you
Of that secret familial held curse
Or if I tell you that this blood runs true
You must know you can not **** this dark verse
For with generations of maniacs
All love from madness can not take me back

I have this bad habit of
getting close to people and meditating
that they'll always be by my side; but they always leave

I have this bad habit of
loving people a tad bit much , when they din't even love me back;
and when they leave me my heart feels as if
someone threw it from the side of the woods

I have this bad habit of caring for people
; when they don't think of me even once

And I'm just so tired
I'm tired , I'm  tired I'm tired
i just hope that one day i can find somebody that
shares the same toxic habits as i do.