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Alan S Bailey Mar 2017
I slip and fall, behold the water all around, this daze, the overlit tiny
space, hospital, looking at me, doctors piercing gaze.
This is it! I feel their needles pierce my side, fill me with that which
will put out my lights.
I scream and in a rush they tilt my head back and let the pills
go down my throat. I was the one who got myself trapped
by this modern castle moat.
Should have known better, but still I cry, this is it, I'll set fire
to the skies, and no one will ever again sing me sterile lullabies!

*Tick
Tock
Clock
Years
Fears
Covered the empty bed sheets
Tears
Vague memories burned into my skull
Like a flashing bulb
****
All pain is gone
The chills
Spills
Backwards
Slipping into a near coma
From my FREE drug induced state
Speeding heart rate, and yet you,
Sifting through bottles
For that one last pill
To free your cowardly self
From having any free will.
Dre Guthrie Feb 2017
Swallow your 'good kid' medicine,
drink up the black sludge oozing off of a rusted spoon,
stride in straight rows from beginning to end,
never let your feet stray from trodden asphalt.

Scoop your brains out of your head,
accept that your empty skull rattles in a heavy breeze,
waltz around burning coals on ash heels,
laugh while smoke and flame licks soft skin.

Ahahahaha
hahaha
haha
ha...

Ha?
A chord of realization is struck,
Emerging from your throat.
The tone bubbles out like laughter but
Reeks of cough syrup and sorrow.

Physically well,
Mentally healing,
Emotionally kneeling to
Every broken phrase,
Spoken over endless days—
Then promises
Of progress to follow.

More bitter medicine to swallow:

Jagged edged words, lacerations,
Fleeting sense of
Motivation.

Later, a bitter pill to take.

Yet, regret tastes sweeter
Than another mistake.
Jellyfish Feb 2017
night time drugs are kicking in
i tried so hard to stay awake until the end
and now that the end has come
i am sad, i can't wait until your smiling face
will be so close to mine again.
By startlight hush of wind
the owl's shadow voice
the campfire embers glowing inner universe by firelight
smoke curls weaving faint
coyote voices faint the pain
and smell of pitch fire
I sing you stars
I breathe obsidian
and again the owls shadow voice
leans back into times past singing first fire
brittle spine bent bowed toward the fire
voices low to murmur a child whimper

deer fat ****** upon to gentle dreaming
the mother of her song
the night cradles child
the owl, too, has young tiny hearts
and warmth of down and old man
coughing guttural spit to fire
young people giggling beneath hidden fondlings
soon to sleep
again coyote voices drown the mind
in a loneliness of deep respect
in love of those who camp just up the hill
and tiny crystals of tears
spatter the dust
legs that cannot ever carry me back to you
soul that holds you forever
madrid Jan 2017
It's her putting letters into words
So he becomes a part of literature
It's the way she spontaneously smiles when she remembers his dress shoes
It's her sitting on the rooftop holding nothing but a half-spent cigarette
Wishing it was his hand instead
It's the exhausted smell on her comforter
Until the day he sprays more cologne on it
Or body spray, either way
It's being comfortable enough to not wear a bra (at times)
It's her way of looking at the shirt he gave
It's spicy food
And the cup of Nissin seafood

It's his giggling whenever she acts like a child
It's the pendant on his neck
It's the "wo ai ni"
It's the intensity of his stare
It's resisting the urge to **** her
It's the bonnet
It's his first kiss in the rain
It's his fear of oblivion
It's his whispers of "God, I love you so much"

It's closing her eyes when she hears "Walang Iba"
It's the "keka ku, kaku ka"
It's the dark closet in her room
And the inflatable bed of their friend
It's fighting over the simplest things that seem like mountains
Like the Great Wall of China
Or the Battle at Gettysburg
It's her shouting "I hate you!"
Only to hear "I love you too!" in return
It's the duets they got used to.
It's being with each other for 72 hours straight
It's him
saying he's not good enough for her
And her
thinking he deserves someone better.

It's the lapse between seconds
It's him breaking her walls without breaking anything else
It's her making him believe in waking up to the same face for the rest of his life
It's the music
It's the silence
It's knowing that she desires him for herself
Even with all the stars between them.
It's seeing,
That although the road is rough,
She is his medicine
Just as he is hers.
It's the entire universe conspiring to bring them together
It's the petty misunderstandings
Or the major ones.

It's the stargazers.
And the shotguns.
It's loving too much
Or loving just right.
It's you.
Payton Elizabeth Dec 2016
It consumes you
It wraps around you like a python until you cannot breathe a second longer
It absorbs your happiness like a sponge
It waits for you to fill yourself with pills, and watches you suffer after
It get excited by the way you cry and throw up because of its doing
It waits in the dark like something paranormal
It comes and it goes like an ex lover
It disguises itself as productivity, but eventually takes off the mask
avery Dec 2016
You are the thing that you want to be

Slow motion heart attacks being thrown into an ocean
Nonsensical lyrics describing nonsensical emotions

But I love it

HOLD UP
I'm sorry but did you just feel this moment?
Feels like heaven on earth
Like a dog giving birth
A woman discovering her worth
Or maybe I'm just messing
Ditropan has been ******* with my head
Tearing up my heart

Take another shot of Desmopressin
Counteract it with your depression
Sycophantic helplessness
I wanna engulf myself in eternal recklessness
I wanna drown myself, oh no

Girl, go eat your Oxybutynin
Then go find yourself a beautiful Cuban
Marry him before it's too late
Because he might not ask you for a second date
That's the just the way it goes,
Close your eyes and watch it go!

Why does every symbol you give meaning to correspond with death?
I'm never sure what to hear
Everytime I climb the ladder I feel a part of me is getting sadder
Perhaps I'm just afraid
Afraid of being asleep when I no longer believe in my dreams
I keep reaching, reaching but I'm too cynical
Time has a cyclical nature
one second I'm fine and then I'm not and then it circles back until I forget which feeling I started with

Oh well, that's just the way it goes
Sometimes you choke on Cipro
Sometimes you choke on Cipro
These charcoal dark shadows hang beneath eyes of carbon blue.
Carrying the memories of sinister scenes, washed clean, but stained with the salt of regret.
Shame.
Mortification.
The sorrows of living within the frame of some unseen stranger's lack of obligation- irreverent and unattending to the consequences of unrestrained pleasure.
In the background, the slick black vapor slides back into illusion's nest, unfound. Within this restless cradle, ever-raging, silent battles fought.
That daily dose which nearly burned and boiled and blotted them out.
Never triumphant.
A pawn in a profiteer's pyramid scheme.
A beast in bloom, bound to eternal flowering.
Poverty empowering the privileged hand. Our death, stretched far and wide still tortures and taunts and tears us from peace- day after day, week after week, and year after year.
Trapped in a cage whose bars are not there. Whose locks have no key.
We scream and cry til out voices break and our tonsils bleed, but no one on the other side can hear.
We play our part for family and friends but deep down inside we know how this ends. We pretend to go on, but we know we are dead.
We are victims of big pharma and our ribbon is red.
Lunar Nov 2016
a lady of colorful blood
prepped in white uniform
she'll put your heart back together
whenever you feel down or torn

she deeply loves a boy
as if he's from her books
way past his words and actions,
way past his looks

ointments of her embrace
and her medicinal laughter
she dreams and doesn't know it
but she's already a doctor

sometimes her puns are die-worthy
yet sometimes they give life
she cures with her compassion
and bandages the strife

people give her their sadness
in return, is happiness, she gave
all will be unnumbered--
those lives which she saved

i liken her to the sun
i liken her to the stars
i liken her to the brightness
outshining the scars of dark hearts

she's no plain jane
she's no ordinary girl
i brought her into my life
and she brought healing to my world
this one is for jane, one of my closest, and literally the closest because we're in the same university. i love you so much jane richelle. especially on my birthday this year; without you i would've been a little down but you picked me right back up! i love you. thank you for being my friend and my healing!
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