Eyes lost
in waiting,
Silently
looking in vain,
Despite it,
He kept them
widely opened,
Carefully,
Silently,
He put it away
on the old
wood table.

Carefully,
refolding
his courage
lifting up
ferrous arms
stripping
Carefully,
a tinny piece,
rolling himself
in still noise
a cigarette of
Powerful
low-graded
rustika,
a variety of
great purge
hunger
killing
good reason,
one pack a day
helped.

It helped survive
the cold,
and everyday
toil when
soldiers and ants
starved,
Makhorka,
insecticide
of freedom.

Silently,
looking in vain,
Despite it,
He kept them
widely opened,
Carefully,
Silently.

En point across eggshells
I tiptoe terrified around the point
Tireless trying to despatch any drama
I slip as I dance, Audible cracks

It’s been like this for a while now
Heart palpations, perpetually on edge
Panic attacks more frequent
Wait... they’re entirely new

Careful attempts to communicate
How I feel, frightened for firing the kiln
What will it be this time?
Interruption of calm converse circadian

Gaslighting? Guilt-Tripping?
Derailing? Tone-policing?
“I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way”
You say, as I crumble

Endless excuses and appalling accusations
You revolting repertoire maims me
Standing shattered, ******* fractured
fragmented as the eggshell environment I navigate

suspicious of my soul, I ponder the point
I take medication now, dose has doubled
The months you spent convincing me
a counsellor captioned me manipulative

Lies. Ladles of lies.
Thank god I know now
I had a plan in place
A time and space...

Delicately detailing
Now with unsullied sharpness
From alpha to omega
My swan song

i remember you clearly,
you looked at me so dearly,
but I didn't see the red lights,
your seduction was too bright

those red lights, oh god
but your *** was so good i was in awe,
how could have i been such a fool,
*** so good, when i'd see you i drool

how dare you take advantage?
why, because i was 15, naive, and vulnerable to damage?
the red lights were flashing again, your seduction too strong,
i wanted more from you, but i knew it was wrong

I'm not the first girl, i know
what makes you think you can turn me into a ***
remember freshman year? that twelve-year-old deer?
like a hunter, so swift, so skilled,
she fell right into your trap and lived afterwards in fear

but look at me now,
momma's girl turned into a bad *****,
doesn't even give a **** about an itch,
bodak yellow on loud, beyonce making me feel proud

indeed I am a smart ***
I see through the *******
and am not afraid to throw it back when it's slung my way

my sarcastic nature
allows me to laugh
at things that might otherwise be painful
it's also a helpful tool
to disarm fools
who try to make me believe their lies

my feeling on people
is based on trial and error
and life experience

I find that the truth is
you can generally assume that for the most part
most people
are thinking of themselves

their true motives are hidden by their words
or actions
when you really

look

and

learn

you then realize people
manipulate each other for self gain

when someone is making you feel zapped
you are being
used
one way or another

protect your temple

Wicked is your tongue

Saying forgive me

And I am sorry

Love is poisonous

From your mouth

I feel tainted and alone

Each touch that grazes my skin

I wonder if I could just leave

With you hand lingering in the air

Tangled in my shadow

Would you keep drowning

In your insincerity

Or would you finally realize

You will never have me

I want to keep you secret
Because when you’re secret,
You’re still mine
And my thoughts are my own
My feelings are real
I’m free
As long as I keep you to myself
As long as you’re secret

As soon as they know
Their opinions will fill my head
A thick, slow fog in my mind
I won’t be able to trust myself
I know they can convince me of anything
They’ll fill my head with themselves
And there won’t be room for me anymore
No room for us
Once again I’ll be a puppet
They’ll pull at all my strings
Because that’s what they do

I want them in my life
But I also want to be in my life

So for a little longer
You’ll remain my secret
Just until I catch my breath
And am ready to fight my mind

The fusillade of promises
Poured from your mouth
And pooled at my feet
Cold against skin
The sentences broke apart
And they nibbled at my toes
Leaving lies knotted around my ankles
And I watched you
Shifting and squirming under my gaze
You hoped my emotions
Flooded my eyes
So I wouldn’t see the growing ripples around my feet
Vibrations of disappointment rumbled
Until they erupted into the last time
And I walked away
Leaving you with incomplete sentences

Chained to good morals
a people lost on the journey to freedom

Foresight enslaved to greed
who reaches first- a prevalent goal
  
Radical Leadership
a matter of course

Foresight enslaved to greed
evidence in the body parts traded for power

A country crippled by peace
a people enslaved by oppression

Manipulative dependence
just plant, taxes will fertilize

Wake up to the voices of the clever
We sit by our luggage before a dead sea
deceived by the same people we gave seat

A generation paying for the sins of our fathers
shackled to the failures of our forefathers

We thumb print
signing our destinies over to fake prophets

Radical leadership
a matter of course

However long the night, the sun always rises.