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I don't believe anything
I'm so tired of watching my back
For nothing

Or is it nothing?
What if it's something?
Do they see me as something?

Something to toy with
Something to talk about
Behind my back with

I love her i do
But i'm terrified too
That she's toying with me

Whenever i leave
Her arms and her sight
She tells them of our night

And they laugh
For i'm so foolish
To think anyone would love me

I love him i do
My brother i've trusted
For years since we climbed trees

But when i see him
Talk to people i've
Never met

And they laugh
His lips make my name
Did he ever think of me the same?

But i dont know
If it's all in my head
And i dont want to lose them

If i lose them
There's nobody left
I just wish i could be sure of if they were lying to me

Or if i was lying to me
God i hope
It's just me lying to me
Wish i could stop thinking that everyone i know is just watching me believe i matter to them and laughing at my stupidity.
Denise Uy Sep 2018
easy to tap the letters
easy to insert a laugh
easy to type i love you
easy to lie
easy to fake apologies
but it's hard to be real
how cowardly i get in real life. legit easy because online
Blade Maiden Sep 2018
Overly emotional
strangely proportional
partly suboptimal
highly improbable

Easily
devided
by truth and anger
and all that subsided

I'm trying
I'm hiding
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to scream
mostly defying
the urge to break
the urge to destroy
to disappear, to dissolve
I might be lying

To myself
to myself
My need for leaving or staying
is always unmet
with internal bleeding
my thoughts are paying
and these monsters
in my head
keep eating
Did I really put them there
myself?
Or did it happen back
when I was twelve?

I hear you
but your breath is so cold
I wanted to believe
in anything but you
But I think we got too old
and the house
my heart grew in
has long been sold

And when I'm drinking
you get angry
but what should I do?
My thoughts feel so scattered
and you can't pull me through

I'm trying
I'm fighting
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to dream
mostly defying
the urge to fake
the urge to decoy
to reappear, to resolve
I might be lying

to myself
Smoke Scribe Sep 2018
let the lying begin

first, it's ***** - not *******.
don't pretend its scientific,
like geology, physiology.

It's just ***. raw and without boundaries.
you watch. you fantasize. you deny.

then when your conscience questions,
you lie, first and foremost,
to yourself.

what's your favorite category?
got a favorite site?
or you like to explore,
never satisfied, more?
more.

Let the hunger games begin.
who can lie with straightest face?

filter me off of your list,
unless you ready to follow me,
to where truth rules,
no punches pulled,
raw is real. *** is raw.
real is ***.

otherwise, why would you still be reading this
poem?

gotcha.
I  know who you are...
Eyithen Aug 2018
I see you
I see through the mask you wear
I'm not fooled
So stop pretending you care

We both know
Your not who you say you are
The poison is slow
I can't believe you ever let it get this far

Stop lying to me cause i know the truth
They don't want you to speak
The demons that chase you
Let me show you the way
But, beware of the shadows that want you to stay

I can't pretend to know how you feel
So I won't but please know that I'm here
I don't want you to fall, but don't drag me down
Free yourself from this thrall
Or we'll both surely drown

Unveil your mask, break your chains
Open up your eyes
And you will soon see the enemy is bunkered
deep down inside

Tick tock tick tock

We are running out of time
The bombs about to blow
There is nowhere left to hide
Are you my friend or my foe?

I have stood by your side all these years
Exposed to your toxic radiation
Was it worth all the tears?
I'm done with this affiliation.
A toxic friendship
RatQueen Jul 2018
I guess it is a comfort
where I'm supposed to be
I always wanted a forever
and the pain it follows me
If I can't have it one way
I can always have another
And I can share with others
And be sure to pull them under

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I just entertained a fantasy
and set that thing on repeat
My eyes started to water
at all the things you said to me
I fed you all your lines
and gave you cues and clues
only for it all to leave me lost and so confused
I rip out all the pages
from that day and back
so I don't have to focus
on everything I lacked

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you

Making sure they're next to me
Whether physical or memory
I am not too good to beg
for accessory

As I live and breathe
I wear it all upon my sleeve
I put my insides on display
slice and cut and cleave
My very own defense
against my emptiness
I'm broken but I'm open
and full of tenderness

I hope you believe me but I have nothing to prove
I hope you are certain in your next move
I hope that I feel so good to you
I hope that I feel so good to you
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?
Do I feel good too?
Patty P Aug 2018
i never view it the same.
it's just quiet.
i simply closed my eyes.
and wait to feel what he makes me feel.
forbidden lust.
an act of sin.
a betrayal of a old friend,
a good ******.
he penetrates,
then sends me ascending to hell.
a
w
       i
          l  
             d
        r
               i
                     d
                            e.
without any stops.
but i can't get enough.
it
e
   a
        t
           s
at my brain.
and i'm
uns
        t
             a
                    b
                          l
                                 e.
During dinner, his hand restfully lays on my thigh, caressing me back & forth.
my body itches and warms up to his touch against my skin.
At the slightest touch of his hand toying with me,
i disintegrated.
my mind is fixated at his contact.
he plays with me underneath the family table.
as the evening progresses, they continue their conversation.
my r                                          his                                  r
             i                          &                                      i
                    n                                                 n
                               g                              g
weights down on our respectfully spoken matrimonial status.
leaving us with the wrath of guilt.

Each time, we swear
it'll be the last time.
but we're both liars of the conscious mind.
we come back to it, giving in
falling in deep
trapping ourselves more into the  further.
we are consumed by each other.

i want more then what is given....
this is the affair of a forbidden couple.....


to be continued.....
love has no absolute control. the heart wants what it wants, and the brain is a guilty partner in crime.....
the affair series
growingpains Aug 2018
I thought you cared
I thought you wanted me to explain
I thought you cared
But I am no longer worth the same
Your actions have spoken
Priorities have changed
Not a **** question
You laughed in my face
Ignored the whole issue
You sent meaningless phrases
And I'm left thinking
Was this all one sided?
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