Julia what a grievous injustice you did to me, a
Pariah you've create when you stole my heart; a
Messiah it's to me for it house my light Like
Jeremaiah the prophet I will lament with a

terrible sob; I will flood my cheeks with tears till my
miserable self follows sleep to the world of darkness. Oh!
Adorable Julia has flee with my merriment so no more
laughable cloud on my horizon only a memory of a

Fickle lover that stole my joy and flee within a
twinkle of an eye like the stars in the sky: what a
miracle it's she has left my soul behind I will
Buckle it up and give it to the company of my

solitude where he will reflect on past deeds and
attitude that makes other souls shook and recoil in
multitude because of the touch of evil darkness and the
magnitude of it in my empty pariah's heart and life.

I just want someone to understand
Understand the pain of waking up every morning to ******* that breaks me down to nothing.
Understand the loneliness I suffer from because my mother can't see the hugs she hasn't given me since I was 6
Understand the scars on my wrists that I did to myself cause I have zero self control.
Understand that I need to be sure your not going to leave me because it's so hard to meet people due to my social anxiety.
Understand that I've gone through a lot and when some days I'm off and seem sad it's because my life doesn't seem to get any better.
Understand that I don't want to hear his name or hear anything of him because he left me I didn't leave him and if he wanted me back for a daughter he could have came back.
Understand if I say I'm dead, great, or fine that I'm slowly contemplating my life and that I don't really want to talk about my problems.
Understand that when I try and talk to you I really want to talk to you and that you may mean alot to me and alot is more than some people can get.

The world is complicated
the cure to cancer is
but feelings
well at least they shouldn´t be

sadly they are
or at least we make them.

It should be so easy
as deciding which box to check, yes, no or maybe
just like we did as kids.

But we grew up
and it´s not that easy anymore
it´s not just yes and no
it is way more complex.

It may be de decision of a lifetime
or maybe it isn´t.

Are we in it with 100% of our heart
or just 70%
because these 30% could make the difference between
the best and the worst
between right and wrong.

It is not just our heart or head deciding
they both have to aline,
and that is so complicated.

Someone once told me I should write it down
just everything.
What I feel, think, everything thats on my mind.

Because when you write you´re the most honest.
You don´t have to hide anything, don´t have to hold back
you can give all your feelings a place to go.
Just let it flow.

And thats what I did,
I just let it all out.

Everything that was on my mind
but in the end I realised
that all I wrote about was you.

Maybe it was because you´re stuck in my head.
Maybe it was because you really were just that special.

But most likely it was that I just didn´t know myself
so I just wrote about you instead

so here is were it´s gonna´ end
and I´ll find myself.

I just want to say good luck
To my past lives
Who now have future guys without me
I hope they treat you great
And wont procrastinate
When you need them to take out their dang socks out of the dryer.
And maybe stop leaving the window open in your mom's minivan
    
I rotate myself like a rotisserie chicken
So I can feel the burn of emptiness left in me.
I turn and turn
Until my mood is dire and my humor drier
From this mirage of hope.
That dissipates to the back of what's left of my crowded mind.

I find myself looking at wedding rings in pawn shops.
Knowing that I will eventually find myself back
At this exact counter adding a total to the line of wedding rings.
Like my parents before,
They bring me a bringing of upbringings
On how to fall into dislike.
Slamming doors,
Yelling,
Tears,
And talking mad ****.
Are common vocabulary words for my ears
And it make me uncomfortable when it is absent.

Like this isnt right…

So I just want to say good luck.
To my future wives
Who want to live life without me
I’m sure i'll prepare you
For next guy you’ll date
And for every guy you'll hate

I’m tired of this drive
   In this empty car
      On these empty streets
         To my empty apartment
            With its empty walls
               To go to sleep in my empty bed
                  To have my empty dreams
                     To wake up
Alone