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Deanna Mar 2022
I thought leaving I would finally be happy
Free of responsibilities
I still feel trapped
Deanna May 2021
there's this feeling in my stomach
  not like the sickness you feel when you have a stomach ache
or the butterflies of nervousness
  maybe this isn't in my stomach at all
it's like a bunch of deer running in a field
  but not gracefully
they're running from prey
  it feels as if my chest tightens as my stomach sinks
it's a mixture of anxiousness and worry
Deanna Jan 2021
Slowly I fall closer into that hole
I've lost grip of that branch, which was keeping me above it all.
My fingers digging into the dirt as every day goes by
more tear drops begin to fall
more thoughts fill my head
and more pain fills my heart as my body sinks into the hole.
Deanna Jan 2021
some days the therapist may ask,
"how are you doing?"
some days they may mention
"you look well rested,"
or bring up,
"you seem to be doing better than before."
But they don't realize that all these things are lies
that when I get home i'll break down into tears
wishing i'd die already and then pass out.
Is that what getting better looks like?
Deanna Jan 2021
The amount of energy it takes to be as quiet as possible
while choking on your own tears and trembles at night.
The tears running down your face and neck leaving them to dry because you dont have the energy to wipe them away anymore.
  Sep 2020 Deanna
Tony Anderson
As I lie here
Starring up at the night sky
Wandering about my purpose
About my direction in life
Deanna Jul 2020
The leaf on a tree hanging on for no apparent reason
When you can already see it crumbling to pieces.
Holding on to it although it's not necessary
Only hoping to be given life but death is irreversible
Finally coming to the conclusion you no longer can help this leaf grow
So let it go, falling to the ground, to be turned into something else
To be treated with the care that you could never provide
Even if you tried
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