I wish this car can stop blowing cold air,
As we sit in the car
Frost punishes us for being up so late by nibbling our noses.
We sit adjacent, shivering, passing around a chocolate bar
I left in my car the other day.
We howl like wolves in the night
About that innocent thing we did
That led us running to this car on a cold winter night.
Finding my maps and papers to find that breath I was searching for,
I count the constellations from the irises in your eyes,
Realizing following your northern star
Will lead to the quiet sounds of falling in love.
Everywhere I go, I take a place with me,
even though our hearts belong to someone else,
I’ll never forget my 2001 Jeep Cherokee.
I used the rubble from the bridges I burned
To build my own path,
My regrets need to tighten my nikes
As I am running out of patience.
Even though I feel you next to me
In this car driving me crazy.
You see, I twiddle my thumbs
Trying to find my parking spot
To steer my eyes away from looking at yours.
I have the drive to buy a Ford Mustang
So I can start an Expedition
To find my Edge to Navigate my Escape
From this Fiesta that my heart has created
Just by looking at you.
You tear the thorns off my branches
That were left from people who don't use their blinkers.
You lead my heart on a warm highway,
Im bumper to bumper with these conflicting thoughts.
As we sit here between our next chapter
To find our next direction.
I spy with my weatherd eyes
A broken clock that shows me better times from my past life.
As these spiteful tides have turned me
Into a grumpy soul.
This desecrated ship of doubt
It's slowly peeling me away like a potato peeler
I need to grab my papers and maps
To find the breath that I was once searching for.
These scramblings of ramblings
As they lead me to the fact
That you hate that I bite my nails
Like a hangnail you chew me apart,
Gifting me these splinters from this shovel
That I used as a kid to build mountains of possibilities
Which now leaves me a hole,
To bury my soul with.
Each stone I turn I see these regrets
That look like texts I that shouldn't have sent.
The heavens from above
Have blocked their facebooks
Casting her curses in cursive
Leaving me with my grave,
Memories of you.
We look at each others feet as we can hear the hums of this being over soon
Over the fact that I checked the boxes of chances you had.
No more room for the these checks
They are bouncing back,
To the same place
That you took my breath away long ago.
Because the same place I swept you away in my arms
Is the same place.
Were i just found my breath that I was searching for.
When I was looking for calming voice
For my breath fresh air
I found your febreeze like musk
Covering the fact
That your smell isn't welcomed
Your aroma of far fetched excuses.
And “give me another chance.”
On why you acted the way you were.
This what used to be us in this Apartment flat
puzzle pieces that used to fit oh so right
Now pushing away like two backwards magnets,
Stuck to the notion
Of packing my bags
And made sure that ****** door stayed closed.
The fear of the nothingness
That rest between me
And this thin piece of aluminum
Grows deeper in my veins
As I'm drifting in space.
I'm not going forward,
Nor am I backwards,
Just drifting further away uncontrollably
Which is quite unfortunate
Because I’m fumbling with this cold pen
Trying to find my direction home
With my comfy bed that you hog every night.
How could I trust these thrusters to ****** me to my destination
When my mind has exiled me to question this space
That is spaced around me.
So alone, yet I'm crowded with my own thoughts.
I just want to let it out, scream so hard
That my lungs burn with frustration
Yet in space
No one can hear my screams
Maybe i’m foolish
Maybe i’m too kind
Maybe i'm stubborn
Maybe it's your laugh
Or your rockin ***
Complemented by the nice smile
Maybe I should get out of my seat.
Maybe I should talk to you
Maybe I should not have tripped on my shoelaces
Maybe I should complement your tattoo
Maybe we should talk so much
That the librarian has to kick us out for letting out that laugh you have.
Maybe you like me
Maybe you are just trying to be friendly
Maybe you are a pushover
Maybe i'm just being too aggressive
Maybe I should take you out to dinner
Maybe I should look at your beautiful eyes when I ask
Instead of snow angels on the ground with my feet
Maybe you said yes
Maybe I thought you said yes
Maybe you didn't mean to say yes
Either or im jazzed
Maybe I should wear a bowtie
Maybe I should wear suspenders
Maybe both….**** it
Maybe you likes chinese
Or Maybe indian!
Maybe I should ask
Or maybe I should take initiative
Maybe I should knock on her door
Or ring the doorbell!
Maybe I should give you the time of your life!
And maybe I will go stargazing
But It would just me staring at you
Because the stars are in your eyes
Maybe I'll tilt my head in
And feel your lips pressed into mine
And maybe you will never have
To have a first date ever again
But I don't
I don't approach you in that library
I don't compliment your tattoos
I don't even hear your thoughts
That make you mentally shout at night
You won’t even teach me how to dance
Or how to deal with your parents who wouldn't like me
Instead I just watch from afar
You look at me
Which forces me to make snow angels on the ground with my feet
As you grab your books
And leave the library.
I just want to say good luck
To my past lives
Who now have future guys without me
I hope they treat you great
And wont procrastinate
When you need them to take out their dang socks out of the dryer.
And maybe stop leaving the window open in your mom's minivan
I rotate myself like a rotisserie chicken
So I can feel the burn of emptiness left in me.
I turn and turn
Until my mood is dire and my humor drier
From this mirage of hope.
That dissipates to the back of what's left of my crowded mind.
I find myself looking at wedding rings in pawn shops.
Knowing that I will eventually find myself back
At this exact counter adding a total to the line of wedding rings.
Like my parents before,
They bring me a bringing of upbringings
On how to fall into dislike.
And talking mad ****.
Are common vocabulary words for my ears
And it make me uncomfortable when it is absent.
Like this isnt right…
So I just want to say good luck.
To my future wives
Who want to live life without me
I’m sure i'll prepare you
For next guy you’ll date
And for every guy you'll hate