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Katinka Jul 21
I love you, I truely do
with all my heart
and all my soul

but I hate it
I hate me
for loving you

because you are naiv
and spontaneous
and selfish

You will never understand
how I would give my all
why I would die for you

because you wouldn´t
you wouldn´t do the same
and that is okay

it just hurts now an then
because I will always know
that I need you
but you don´t need me

so I will give my all
to please you
and make you smile

to hold you when you´re down
and dry your tears
to be all you need

so one day, when you leave
you will at least miss me
and then for once

for once you will know
how I felt all along
and understand

How I would give my all
and why I would die for you
and you will finally see me.
Katinka Jul 8
Help me
I am drowing
I want to scream
but nothing comes out

Help me
I am fleeing
I want to run away
but my shadows are faster

Help me
I am dying
I want to **** myself
but I am not strong enough

Help me
I am lost
I want to know me
but I hate what I am finding
Katinka Jul 8
Let it rain on me, I pray
let it rush down my body
rush down my face
let it hide the tears

let it to cool me down
suffocate the fire inside me
because I am burning
burning from within

My skin falling of my bones
leaving me vulnerable
releasing all my fears
to those who shouldn´t see them

Because this fire it burns
but it doesn´t burn with passion
it burns with anger and pain
with everything I never said

destroying all I have left
leaving nothing but ashes
at the place in my mind
were once flowers bloomed
Katinka Apr 30
I lost myself in the nightsky
scaring me with it´s creatures
and found a stranger in the sunrise
blinding me with it´s shine

and the red sky left me stained
hiding my true colors
it was when the ocean turned purple
and the sky began to cry

soaking me with it´s odor
washing away my fragrance
that the reflection in the ocean
showed a stranger in me

So scared of the night I hid myself
becoming the spectator of my life
watching without interacting
silently in the back of my mind

I lost myself in the night
fearing it´s monsters
but the shine of the moon
brought me back

and as the sun rised
I finally saw
I was the monster
all along
Katinka Mar 20
I am dying
Breaking on the inside

Darkness slowly crawling up in me
destroying all the good things
My head is filled with doubts

I can't move
My legs stuck to the ground
And I am sinking

It's like I am standing in quicksand
As if my ship has a hole
As if I would walk through the marshes

A grey veil blurring my vision
Hiding all the colors
Life could show me
If only I could see them

I am dying
Darkness is crawling up in me
my head is filled with doubts
Katinka Mar 12
I push you away
Roll my eyes on you
Put my hands in my hips
Till you leave

So I can cry
In bittersweet relief

Leave, I tell you
I do not care
I have myself
And that is all I need

But when you leave
I look out of the window
Watching you go
Praying you will turn around
Come back
And finally
See me

How I really am
But I can not show
I can not break
I need to be strong

So before I cry
I will scream
Before I break
I will go

The world has teached me
That those that show weakness
Will be run over

So I pretend
Till one day I don't have to

But you never turn around
And my heart
It keeps breaking
As I push you away

It scares me
How good I can lie
How I can pretend
To be stone cold
While I break
In silence
Katinka Feb 16
Pinch me
Because this must be a dream
And I am so scared to wake up

Because I don't want to lose you
And I want to satisfy you
I wanna make you happy
I wanna be everything you ever wanted

So you will never let me go
Thank you for existing
Thank you for being with me

I love you
But I will never understand how you can love me
I will never believe that you do
Because i don't understand
How someone as pure and beautiful like you

Can love something so damaged and broken like me
I do not deserve you
But in this dream you are with me
I hope it never ends
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