I can't tell why
I'm crying
anymore

Where are my tears coming from?
Are they coaxed out by the fingers down my throat, coming up with the acids in my stomach?
Or are they because of the pain leading me to do this to myself?

Blurring things together,
Making my reflection as distorted
and fat
and bloated
as I am in my mind

I can feel the flesh settled on my bones.
The fat waiting there,
wishing I could skim it off with a knife
I know it must be as soft
as butter

why am I doing this
why am I crying
why am I killing myself from the inside

I can't tell why
I'm dying
anymore

always holding the world on my back
and day by day it continues to stack
til I collapse
and hold no more
I close the door
on what once was
coming in towards newer stuff
but help me yield I’ve had enough
I’m pushing off and losing ground
yet still the answer has not been found
so I surround
my heart with comfort
so I don’t hurt
and feel the pain
I keep rationalizing to keep me sane
lying to myself
I should be crying to myself
but I’m oblivious to all else
and I’m pretending that’s not so
but truth’s shining through and already I know
…I know.

I think about
You every morning
Dreaming about
You at night
Holding you with
Utter delight
Loving you
Truly and happily
Never knowing
That I truly could
Ever love an
Other as
Much as I
Truly love you.

By Arcassin Burnham


The pain and the agony and wrath of God is a terrible
Combination,
I feel like this oh so every day knowing times will get hard
Like Erections,
Goosebumps from the nervousness, hopefully I will overcome,
I survived the day escaping devil's misfits of keeping my head
Up to the sun,
What do you know about illnesses?
What do you know besides being ignorant?
Did you know the kid had to survive 4 years of ignorance and suicidal
Thoughts mixed with misunderstandings and false teachings in a
Cruel world such as this one that people will mop the floor with ya?
Did you know about that? Or were you raised with a **** saddle on
Your back,
How must I remind you I don't have no time to think like you,
I have the potential to make things happen in a state that's more
Loyal to Satan , we're all in a matrix,
From chances we take ,
And the bills that we pay,
Forgetting the legends for they paid the way,
And Jesus gave up his life for us Even today...

If I didn't know then what I know now,
Wish we had a light to make us all smile,
My illness is spreaded through my vains and this is serious,
More of a man than anybody else that I know I'm not being delirious.

I've given myself so many chances
How many times can I do this?
I tell you "I'm sorry" and you believe me
but why wouldn't you?
I'm a liar and
I'm good at it

I promise the girl you know is not me
I am deep and I am ****** up so
forgive me for hiding the spiders in my veins
and the ice behind my eyes
I want you to know and
I want things to be okay but
they never have been

I can't be greedy anymore
so I've given up
I don't think you'll ever know me
which fractures the already fatal cracks
breaking my heart

Legacy is;
knowing where to hang your hat
and then knowing when to grab your coat.