Nothin I do but sit here and stare
Contemplatin all of my fears
I miss my grandpa in unimaginable ways
Fearin how he would respond to my ways
I sit here and stare at your gaze
I wish I knew how many days
We’re left so I knew my fate
And I wouldn’t be late
I’m sorry for all the apologizing
Ima hypocrite but I won’t admit it
I hate people who lie to themselves
But still can’t find myself
For all the times my moms been hit
And I didn’t do nothin
Wishin one of these days I’d get my wish
I think the lamps is broken
I’m a ******* and I know it
But I’m not gonna change
And as long as I say I’m not a hypocrite
Then I’m not right?
Wrong
**** this song
**** all the things Thas wrong
My life ain worse but it’s never been good
I guess that’s why I’m misunderstood
The stars the only ones that help
To bad the future covers them up
It’s been a long time since I seen her smile
And I bet she better off without
I drove her away what a surprise
To many things keep me up at night
I wonder when my brother will pop his last
Yesterday it was ketmanine
Today it’s sum xans
The bloods mixed with the alcohol
I wonder if it’ll be my downfall
Only time I feel sane and escape
Is when my lighter shows it’s flame
And I purchase a one way ticket
Across the nation
For 10 dollars I have my cheap vacation
Nothin lasts as long as you want
Hopefully in two years this gon stop
Hopefully this poem will end
And I won’t relive it to the end
I don’t wish for my own death
Just to go to sleep and not wake up
Cause maybe some peace will come
I drove her to drugs and I know it
I left her but I couldn’t help it
She was to blame
I was to blame
We both know it
Moms moved on
Sobriety seems to be helpin
But she always relapses over somethin
The coke stains still on the mirror
“Do as I say not as I do”
“Do as I say not as I do”
“Do as I say not as I do”
How many times till I’ll move on
I wish I could write songs
And be like all those that help me
But I’m not that lucky
I’m not that lucky
I’m not that lucky
Hopefully I’ll live to be happy
Hopefully I’ll have a family
So I don’t ruin it
And have somethin to live for
To all those that worry
I’m not contemplating
If I was it’d be to late already
I wanna drink so I’ll tell myself the truth
It is what it is
My thoughts carried in soot
Carried till I kick the boot
I wish I was a doctor so I coulda save ya
No shame in the ones that’s broken
I miss my bestfriend but she’s better off
My girl don’t know half of my problems
I called god hopin he’d pick up
I’ve sent him the messeges
Maybe there stuck
In transit I sit in traffic
My mind sifts the past tense
What memory will haunt me today
The interrupted last phone call
The one where my sister was off k
How bout one from the other day
I popped it only cause I wanted
“Sigh” i don’t know
Settlement?
What do you do when everybody’s trippin
Stay sober and wait for them to finish
No, get high and forget your problems
Don’t ever admit them
Just forget it
member them times I told you I loved you
Just forget it
Where he at, did he forget it?
A call every two weeks don’t do it
A call every two weeks don’t do it
A call every two weeks don’t do it
Don’t ask how I’m doin
If you cared you would remember
These memory’s stick forever
You were lucky to be drunk
I can’t forget it
I can’t forget it
I won’t forget it.

I am not sorry for anything
There were problems easy to see
That's why I am letting you know
I am not even sorry for me

I think I know these people
When they are only real to me
Because I made them alive
But only in my head
When their memories started to fade from mine
I put them onto paper
I made them characters
They made me feel safe
Like I wasn't alone
But I was, and I didn't know

I think I know these people
That I see in my daily life
But when I look at them
They all start to fade away
Because these people are not who I think they are
They are people that I never knew
Because I never bother to hear their story
When I was so caught up in mine
Turns out every person I thought I knew was a lie

I think I know
When someone is sad
Or they are hurting
But I just look at them
With a saddened look in my eye
And walk away
Waving goodbye
To the people I think I know
The people who know everything about me
Know every detail right down to my soul
When I don't really know them
Because I am so self-involved

Totality escapes beneath me, all that I’ve left unexplored collapses unto me.

Triggered, by self centered inundation, I might as well be gone.

For what do I provide the collective? But neglect and self indulgent plunder.

Relive this aeonic cage, cyclic and persistent. Yet each existence we reach a new peak.

So benevolent, and elegant. I need to relive samsara to fill my void.

Be meaningful to others. Because I do not matter, what I do matters.

Momentarily, this escapes me, shameful and foolish, I must regain such tonic insight.

It combats my abysmal fear of inconsequentiality.

I’ve reflected in infantilism, however I think I’ve found what guides us to actualization.

At least myself anyway, I need to mean something to others.

I need to teach and learn from my peers, whom I overlook as of now.

How myopic and repugnant. White from shame I apologize to those who’d listen.

I open my arms to all. Let me help, show me how to help.

Did you know someone's proud of you?
That someone finds you beautiful inside and out?
Did you know someone loves you for who you are?
That you don't have to feel ashamed of your scars?
Did you know that you're enough? That you're strong?
Even through the computer, I can see you crying, saying "you're wrong."
But I'm telling you these things because they're true. Even if they're not true now, they will be.
Now say it with me.
"Someone's proud of me."
"Someone finds me beautiful, inside and out."
"Someone loves me for who I am."
"I don't have to be ashamed of my scars."
"I'm enough. I'm strong."
One more thing. "It's okay to tell my story."