At The Cafe
I heard her say to the teary-eyed lady
as they sliced their custard creams,
" Move on and go find someone else"
As if suggesting to take that knife and slice
that face out of her brain and replace it with
another. As if perhaps she should cut out
her heart and separate it from the rest of
her. I suppose the thoughtless lady was only
trying to help. I suppose that's normal procedure
in such circumstances. Like quickly go find a
lollipop for god's sake.
I felt like saying to the broken woman;
wait a bit. No need to be in such a rush.
This terrible ache, this fierce wrenching
this oozing sore is love disguised.
You'll come to it. You will. No substitute
necessary.
That someone else is waiting
in the dim horizon, fresh faced and true
with eyes that pierce through
the mish mash of dough and syrup
of wounds and ruins of love and war
and sharp metal objects.
That someone else is you, whole
and undisguised.
You can't rush that.
You'll come to it
You will.

my friends latch themselves to me
and love me

i take my bad habits
and cut them off
as if with a knife

they tried to change me
but i was forged of stone

they tried to help me
but now they can't
i've made myself lonely

It was like the air was becoming
too cold to breathe.
I felt my chest caving in on itself.

I pulled over just to see what it would feel like.
To stand there all alone.
But then the thought of you creeps in.

And suddenly the moon disappeared.
Like it was pulled right from under me
At the same time it was above me.

The moon, it was you.
You were there and then you were not.

It wasn't a dream.
This is what dying feels like.

What it means to knife and be knifed
by the one you love.

Oh God what have we become.

tw: self harm


What a feeling
What a ******* rush
Just to hold it
To wrap my fingers around the cold handle
To know what it could do
Knowing what it has done
Adrenaline release
Anticipation
But also... comfort
It feels so nice... so right
Resting in my palm
And I know I shouldn’t...
But I kinda wanna use it...

The arbutus is brave
sheds itself in long, showy
strips, aflame
leaving the fair frailest
skin exposed, willing
knife’s tip of lovers’ claim
standing
even
still
holding earth together, scar tissue
marking life
line, root’s depth
patient power

I remember my infant skin
cut, the drowning, breaking surface
with half a breath remaining, and the hollow
I scratched out and burrowed into
that day, undone

Now, underneath the heat
and itch, the crust
my skin inflamed
the fair frailest part of me
thirsty for that cooling breeze, willing
fellowship with sun and knife
to shed and bump against
a tangled life

How else will roots reach down
and down
to find the source
of ancient power?

Curse you!
I wish I never knew you!
I wish you weren't here!
I hate you.

You hurt me every day,
You embarrass me in every possible way.

You malicious thing.
Pain is the only gift you bring.

Rip it out. Please.
Rid me of this human disease.

I take the knife,
And rip you out.

You'll never beat again,
You hideous heart.

I'll rip you to shreds,
I'll tear you apart.

You make me want to kick you in the teeth
It may hurt me back but not my feelings.

The urge to snap your kneck
makes me shiver filled with rage.
I hate that I want you
but I know that I don't need you!

After trying everything,
it so bothers me
that you're still breathing.

The memories of you
Makes me want to puke!

Why the **** did we ever come across?
Wait, hold on to that thought
Knife is talking to me,
reminds me to slit your ******* throat!