i am lost
i keep tumbling
on the things i can't see.

as i struggle to get up
i heard laughs
faint but i know
its there.

it hurts when i know
the joke
came from me.
i learned how to
ignore.

sleep seems to be
the only medicine.
so i drench myself
in fantasies
to where i have much
control.

now
i walk in pain
knowing i can't
let go of something
i have no control.

The longest ****** ever.
Winter,  you're still yet to come...


Game of Thrones

I make her laugh
I suppose
I make her fear death
When her heart flutters.

Wings on beaten brows
Heavy with thump thump thump
And the rocking
Of a pianist
Heavy at his keys
Unlocking you
That laugh that you are in me.

Today, I sorrow
For the smiles I didn't see
For the thumps and piano keys
I made without hoping
Without being there.
You smile from afar,
I still feel it

You laugh from afar
I still flutter
You and me
Make music through open teeth
Laugh
Snort
Thump.

I used to cry on your shoulder.
I liked doing it, in fact.

But, the truth, you say?
You want the truth?

I still do.

I still imagine that it is your shoulder I'm crying on,
And not just some cold metal.

I still imagine that it's your face that's looking down at me,
And not just the moon.

When I am spilling my tears at the balcony - now,
I wish, really wish that you'd magically be beside me.

Am I that hopeless?
Did I let you crush me?
Man.....
I was brainless.

You brought the new 'my girl' at the party last night.

I wonder if you imagined me when you had her in your arms.

I saw those twinkles in your eyes when she laughed at your jokes.

Funny enough, huh?
I saw that kind of thing too, when I laughed at them.

Have you really forgotten me, dear?
Am I already, completely, invisible?

Or am I still there, somewhere in your heart;
Somewhere that's rotting..
Somewhere dumpster-like?

Am I getting my hopes up if I say,

"I want to kiss you goodbye.

*Again."

How can a shallow
girl giggle so much? Maybe
her jokes are witty.

Me:

Pale eyes,

Big thighs,

and flat hair

Chest that resembles waves

And skin like the dead leaves of the fall



You:

Eyes like honey dew,

Artistic mountain-like figures your voice drew

You seem to be perfect, don't you?

With the way you batter your eyelids

and my lids, they cause hurricane winds



Rough draft copies of tragedies

My life a constant mixture of sin and sanity

You, you're trapped in vanity.



Am I a buffalo, with a targets on my sides?

You're bullet of jokes stings.

I bleed blood from my eyes



I wish I was the carcass now,

But the other half of me continues to go on now.

You seem to hate my posture

Hate the way my mouth cracks under all the pressure.

Sue, SUE, SUE, SUICIDE WHERE YOU ASIDE

from when I need you to wipe the tears, my eyes



Is it when I'm alone and vulnerable you seem

to want to comfort me?

I wouldn't blame you to not want to be seen with

The **** of the joke.



I do not like the way your larynx

lashes out to me

Like whips to a slave

Leaving scars, the words

My skin, the page.



But it's ok.

I'll take the pain.

After all it's just a joke

It's only a game

Even though your self esteem won't be the same.

Relax, don't go insane.

That's one of the joys (the pain) of being the **** of the joke

लावदुमा जा मिनिदोँ मिनिदोँ
खखाबानो हायाव नांनो नागिरलायनाय
आंबो मिनिफानो गोसो जादोँमोन
नाथाय मिथिया हसिया
मिनिफानायावबो दाय थानो हागौ
बेखायनो सोँबाय आं
- माखौ मिनिखोब्रा?
- नायहरलाय नायहरलाय
- माब्रा माखौ बुंदोँ?
- नायहर हनै आलि सौखानायखौ
बेखि सौखानो हायो?
- नोँ जोबोद जाम्बालै
सावगारिखौ नायनानै मिनिबानो जाया
बिजिरनो रोँनांगौ।
मानोथो मानसि जाथारखो?
बियो आलिखौ सौखायाखैब्रा
आखाय गैयैखायसो खुरदोँ
खर'आ मानदोँ जानो हागौ बिनिया।
- हा हा हा...।