grasping at things
not meant for me.
they slip from
my hands so
easily.

feeling
    hopeless
          helpless
full of fear.

what does the future hold?
they say it gets better
and i'm screaming

WHEN?

It won't stop,
It can't stop, the fire that is rushing through it,
Burning it's content until nothing but ash might be left,
An inferno, a firestorm maybe a rain of embers fueling the misery,
When did it start, that conflagration which consumes my being,
When will it end, this purgatory inside my chest, producing misery,
Without realising it I already gave up all my remaining hope,
After all, there is not much left this fire can feast on in laughter,
Will I be hollow, will I fade to ash and blown away into a soft breze ?
In the end it does  not matter, in the end I will not be able to remember, in the end there is nothing for me left to worry about,
My central has been turned into a kiln, fostering this flame,
It may sting, but I can move on, even if I sink to the bottom,
The light in me will finally be able to carry me out one day
All I need to do for that event to be triggered,
Is to hold on,
And hope.


~ Umi

[M i d w a y - H i m e]

I’d like to say I’m over it,
I mean, I really wish I could.
It really is about time I quit,
But this pang has got me good.

I know I’m not the first one,
Heartbreak is chic, it’s classic.
It’s likely older than the Moon and Sun,
Felt in times Jurassic.

The truth can’t be sugar coated
I can say no, and deny, deny, deny,  
I’m Sandy, I’m hopelessly devoted,
And not the first to cry.

This all feels so stupid and melodramatic,
I try to deal with charm and wit.
It only really hurts when things are slow and static,
I can’t wait ‘till the day I’m really over it.

All the thoughts that collect in my mind right now lead to biting... TMI

A phrase sewn into the very fabric of my thoughts and words,
Let's be weird for a second so that I can feel normal,
Its been awhile,
We all know the feeling,
There is a selfish stench that covers the true sincerity of being on the end of a babbling mouth,
Word ***** so I've heard.
A price for the anxiety driven conversation,
That, one, I? you?
Just want to end by revealing that too much has been shared and all of Hell will open to devour the chosen who failed to keep the mouth shut,
Speak it anyways,
Just yesterday I thought about *******, indeed I did,
How little, how much, how long,
It's not hard to know this moment,
Where a sensation overcomes experience,
The slip,
What a beautiful snipit of what matters,
Taken away,
Becomes some sort of "okay,"
Unless controversy over ego and ego draws a tarnished line of how much I and you know,
I really can only focus on one subject within this,
Uh,
It took me like 8 times to even begin this one poem,
I kept getting distracted, love, children, being a teacher,
Following tangents of conversations and panicked assumptions, those normal thoughts that see the warning signs of danger,
Light up a cigar and say "**** it,"
Charging full speed into the unknown,
All of that kept me from drawing a conclusion to why I really wanted to tell anyone that I like biting.

i see it in your eyes
the way they falter
as my gaze
brushes along your face
i hear the crack
in your voice

your forced smile
breaks my heart

You listen as blood-stained lies tumble from my lips
Skin splits and rips apart as I keep a tally of every time I've broken my promise to you
My weary eyes watch my life from afar and all I can see is impending disaster
Too many times I've wanted to disappear from my own life
SO I do not understand why you haven't left me yet
I drift in and out of my own consciousness when thoughts of losing you consume me
Heart beats grow faster and breaths grow shallower
I falter often in this world
But you are the only mistake that I haven't made

Sunlight or sacrifice
Why must I choose
This swollen ring
Stuck around
My *******
Has grown too deep

I try and pry it off
Everyday
To make amends
With the wicked
Let not the sun go
Let it grow between
Our toes in the sand

Feel the salt lick your skin
And become attune
With the natural energy
Instead