I don't know what to say. I cannot begin to fathom how you feel. How you must be feeling! But I Love you and in this moment I know that is nowhere near enough. You must want to punch a whole boxing ground down. I would! But I am beneath you. Your soul is more righteous. That is why my  love for you will never cease. I need you to know that.
Even this shall come to pass. This storm will calm. The ocean will flow in your rhythm again. I have no doubt. You are strong my wonder woman. More than anyone I know. All these pep talk is useless for now. But I hope you become one with your Chi again. But for now feel the pain. Let it pass through you until it transforms to healing. Remember this pain for when you have overcome. For when you are strong. Remember it because it is part of you.
I love you. I hope that someday you will read this and smile for what you have  conquered.
Yours
The Red_Head.

Fury
blurry
can't see a thing.
Heated
defeated
a deadly ring.
Crying
lying
the rage must come out.
Broken
unspoken
we should not whisper about.
Maybe tomorrow we can talk,
but not today.
right now I must take a walk
down to the depths where the demons play.

fear runs through every inch of your body alongside adrenaline,
your veins are on fire,
and your fingertips sting.
your mind is racing,
but time moves too slow.

its breath is taunting your movement.
you can't see,
but feel it getting closer.

you feel lightheaded,
and fear passing out from the lack of oxygen
in your body.
and the knot in your stomach prevents
you from running any faster.

you know it's right
behind you no matter how far away
you try to get.

Amid the verbose magicians
Seeking kinships
And sailing deep into their arduous mists
Watching them peddle their afternoon
To a handful of smiling children holding their breath
Amazed in gentle body trick

The older men of age
Leaning deep into their creased chins
Stroking the grizzled fat
Blinding light of soul
Staring down the barrel of life
Striking the enemy one last time
And yet smiling
sober,
Met of match,
taking care of their kids.

Then there's the cold-clocked dudes
On the phone pushing buttons
In a button-up raglan
Lost indistinct
the promised land
The golden shores swept away by
inconvenient time
Left shopping in an auto mall
"Won't you look at the time?"
7.07 APR
Boy what a steal!
And Steve maddened and screamed
As the lines blurred instinctual between opposing teams
And the oven dinged a great alabaster slant
Leaning towards the new millenitants

Rise up!
***** the wheel
Turn the axel from pistons
To alkaline metal
And doubt with great monumental
Quality
That the machine borders all
And we cannot retreat

And while I sift bouyantly between the waves
Searching the puzzle piece within the molecules
Reconnecting with the things
And representing
dreams on a 66 hertz screen
I call rather failing
Towards a black rocked shore
Towards the sweet Dorigen
Of my dreams
Finding an integral of time
And space

And calculating the intangible *****
Of my desmise
With the imaginary constiutent
Of that lighted mind.

I don't want to be 19.
That's how old you were,
When we met.
I understand,
Your mind wasn't that,
Of an adult's.
Currently,
Neither is mine,
But your body was,
And I was 15.

Barking along the seething sea
Tethys sparkling
Sans Pellagrino
Bubbled up with volcanic
Albido
And it exposed the cragged shores
Of a incessantly compiling
Or
Completely snuffed
Mountain
Bored and drilled by time
Sharper than a dying dimond
Cooked and left to rest
A Dinar plate
To which an all you can eat
Buffet
Played out pleasently
From antiquity
To present
A gift to an aging child
To be which pure joy can behold.

Today it is home of the Croats
The ancient Frontier of a meiotic Rome
And over small-grain time
Made coats
Of arms and animal manes
To give a name
To the nameless

To give a place
To the missed

That old Tethys barks like a fish
Beyond the Odoacerean boot, Scylla and Charybdis
Where the whales float
And great souls
Stolen deep within
wishing to find god
Fumbling in the dark
Searching for Alexandria
The flame of life
Become great stories to be told
And nothing more.

Odysseus
Hug the shore
Follow the land of the mysterious Croats
Do not venture beyond the threshold
Or you will be consumed by time
And lost to her Circedean jealous pines
Do not anger the constant love of
Helios

No,
These Croats have never croaked
They know not of amphibiotes
And the sharpened clades of life
Made and tailored bespoke
Sowed
In the fractals
Of the quiet word of
Eloah.

Haven’t written in a while,
The reason or reasons seem jumbled in my head,
I know what I want to say but I question if it wrong if I feel a certain way,

Lying in dread,
From these thoughts, I try to escape,
Lies I remind myself,
Feelings are lies,
Allowing yourself to hide is the greatest gift you could give,
Keep on tryin to believe you're alright,
But at night it’s like the light can’t even help

You’re fine,
There’s nothing wrong,
Well, nothing significant,

Roof over head,
Bread in tummy,
Plates to parents,
Air to heat,
Sheets to shoes,
All it is mind over matter,
As long as you don’t mind it won’t matter,

I mind,
Does my mind matter?
Do all the thoughts I think matter?
Is it wrong to feel what I feel?
Is it wrong to believe what I believe?
What’s right?
Why’d I stoping writing?
Why'd I try to silence myself?

Is it the thought that my voice is meant for silence,
That I should be the girl in crowded hallways who bears her soul inside the books, walking quietly,
Smiling at strangers, trying to remember no one sees the chaos in my brain,
That it’s all tall tales I tell myself,

So I’ll sit and type the feelings I feel,
Allowing the silence to fill the voids of speaking,
knowing I’ll be judged for them,
Believing my life is meant for more  keeps me going,
And one day showing the respect of a voice that just wants to feel heard,

Silence is deafening,
Let me know if you can hear it too?

they criticise her and make her hate the moment
her dignity and pride is stolen
they break her stance and potent
she does succumb the omen
they offer her zero condolence
they laugh and mock and curse her
they call her *******
they call her a ****
and other names of such
they drain her to danger red
they call her witch and theft
they make her hate herself
she scurve her face and wept
she cry herself to sleep at night;
hoping that things would change
she 'd told herself that things 'd be right;
one day my pain and scar would fade
and if she would never fly
she said " i'd rather die"
she strive to reframe her picture
her heart and soul is injured
she strive to reframe her name
so she 'll overcome her shame
now the path to succed is open
she's out the heat of oven
she smiles behind her rolex
her foes is rendered goaless
her shame has turned to fame
and her life is not the same
her haters now adore and love her
now none of them can stop her
their hate and game and hurt
is the reason for what she'd turn