Daylight emanating coils of uncertainty from within myself
Trajectory for unwavering retribution
I am lost among the crevices thy mind creates, etching fabrications with regression
U n w o r t h y
U n l o v e a b l e
F a t


Grievances I whisper from blanketed sheath depression
Thoughtless lies birthed onto soft flesh and bone
I am worth......
                                         less.

Damage inflicted, heartbroken thoughts coveted blissful time spent among your breath.

Unkind to myself during depressive episodes, clockwork fabrications intertwined rationality.
Those become a new truth forging insecurities of panhandle insecurities



You are more than the darkness surrounding you.

I miss you
the most
at midnight.
It’s too dark
and not dark enough
and I’m just not myself
crying over you
for the third time tonight.
I think of the way
you always laugh at my jokes
and how it feels
like sometimes
you understand why I’m not laughing.
My bed feels like
a prison at 1am
when I just want
to hear you say my name
and you’re somewhere else
with someone else.
I can’t think about
your hands
and how I know they feel
on me
except you’re no longer
on me
but someone else
much better.
And it’s close to 2am
only now I don’t miss you
but the girl
I used to be
before you let me believe
I could be someone different.
She’s somewhere inside,
rotting like a corpse
because you’ve made
my room feel like
a graveyard.
Now it’s 3am
and I’m just wishing
for this to stop
so I don’t have to feel
so alone
anymore.

I dream of never being perceived
having the world never see me again
I’ll take up no space
just pass through bookshelves
and give the occasional shiver
just to prove that I still can

I want to be haunting
just in the back of the library
a legend people tell
but can never quite prove
pure speculation

I want to be a ghost
so no one can really look at me
living only in thoughts and conversations
but never on my own

When I had nothing, I had nothing to lose.
I lived freely,
blown by the breeze of the night,
ready to go wherever it may take me.

Over time I’ve accumulated so much,
so much now to lose.

I built my walls high,
locked all my doors
and boarded up my windows.

I sit inside,
rocking,
cradling a gun.

Never sleeping,
I just sit
and wait,
hoping nobody comes to take what I have.

Scratching itches with bottle caps, grooves
In my brain cut from diamonds and blood
Flinging my shadow like darts at a wall
Frustration, when dizzied, transforms into love

Scabs and guitar riffs I'd shred with my teeth
Gnawing her lips to bake blackberry flesh
Stamping on baubles, an aureate hail
In a winter that reeks of sweet summer death

This circus of wildfire charcoals my hair
I'm yearning to stay but it blazes me out
Cold air and bored stares, a knock on the jaw
I thought I had finished bedazzling myself

I've underwhelmed the brightness I chase
Adrenaline fawns over prettier girls
Cold and alone in a fitful night's sleep
When you're fevered and worn, the splinters stick deep.

How can somebody be so beautiful.
Do they know their wealth that I have felt?
Look into the eye of them, are they sought from Bethlehem.
A spirit so pure, or is it me who is insecure.

Skin as soft as the morning glow and connection which seems to flow.
Try to grip on what is next, searching still for more context.
Chakra points are burning bright, every form now feels tight.

All I want is to pursue but in the end will likely lose.
I am him, she is her and we're not meant to be together.