I hope you never feel alone knowing how I feel
I hope you never go to sleep feeling unwanted when I forget to say goodnight
I hope you smile when my name comes across the screen of your iPhone

But then again, of course you wouldn't feel alone, because I am not the one
And then again, you could never go to sleep feeling that way because she already said goodnight
And of course you are probably flipping your phone over on the table when it says "Maybe: Angela"

Insecurity.
Hold it until the
Alcohol takes over
And the courage you
Hide from all
Spills out like
Oil from ruptured,
Rusted pipelines.

Insecurity.
I hold it like
A security blanket.
Being high takes
All of my courage
And lulls it to
A whispering halt.
Let go.

I want
the water
to boil me
to cook me alive
peel off all my layers

and reveal what I’ve been trying to hide.

I'm tired
I say

She looks at me;
scared

I admit
I know where her mind is
Insecure, lost, and trembling with fear

Fear of rejection

Because I have been there before

But I still
turn away

Goodbye
I mutter

I'm sick of being tired,
Tired of being sick.
I create this negative atmosphere,
The air is polluting and thick.

I can't help but see the negatives,
In everything I seem to contact,
Relationships, friendships,
Its like their only here under contract.

I feel like no one wants me,
To be around, even for a chat,
"Get the f*k away from me,
You ugly, hairy, fat, twt"

I know its all in my head,
But reality distorts in there,
I know people love me,
And people truly care.

But the wave of darkness,
Surrounds my skull,
I'm scared I'm loosing this battle,
The void might swollow me whole.

I try to be the light,
That makes people smile,
But I'm hidden behind this light,
I've been hiding for quite a while.

The face is a broken image,
But broken on the inside,
I don't want people to see this,
Thats why I hide.

Please, if you know me,
Just talk as if we're fine,
Ignore any insecurities,
They're not yours to deal with, they're mine.

What happened to your eyes?
Blankness was residing in them
A force field built around your perimeter
Their protection of you my condemn

I kept hoping for approval
Some sign of validation
Yet you had nothing for me
Only a serving of rejection

Gluing your eyes to an animated screen
Shutting out the action around you
I being caught in the mix
My insecurities coming to a brew

So now I'm the invisible woman
Transported to a state of sullen
My feel goods suddenly taken
Hopes for your love disheartened

To a poem,
I can say whatever I want,
but often with regret,
for its something I don’t
say in a previous moment.