Flight
When things get tough
My first instinct is to run.
Run away for a while,
Because I am weak.
I can't handle the life I was given
Or the cards that were played.
Fight
My mind is not calm,
And my temper is short.
I have this tendancy of blowing up
When I just need to take a breath.
Terrible wife, imperfect mother,
Is there anything I'm good at?
I'm hardly adequate.

Have you ever had that feeling of being inadequate?
Feeling like nothing is ever going to change? Same old, same old.
You want things to change, but they never do.
It makes you sicker and sicker for each passing minute.
That's exactly how I feel, and how do you keep you hopes up, your mood or anything for that matter?
Of course there is a lot to be grateful for, but when you are feeling so down, so hopeless, so alone and like such a failure... it's hard to appreciate anything at all.

It's all my faulth, because there is so much more I can do.
I just feel like I don't have the energy,  guts or confidence to try, and feeling like that only backfires on me.

How do I get the strength to be who I am, do what I want and live as I lust, in a world that tells us who we should be, how we should look, how we should think and tells us how we should live?
People who are able to do that, are one of the courageous people in the world.

We're lucky enough to be able to live as good as we do, and then we make stress for ourselves on things that don't really matter.
You have to do this or that to look pretty and stay young as long as possible.
We create needs that weren't even there to begin with.
We make them life essentials, when they're really far from it.

It's a ****** up world that kills the freespirited mind and makes us all live in cages.
Cages where everything is already decided, and if you don't measure up, then you fail as a humanbeing.
The truth is you fail more following the norm. You fail more not following you heart.
You fail more not seeing the world as it is, and doing what you can to make a difference.
You fail yourself being a coward. You fail your life. You fail the world.
You fail.

If you really feel like a failure, reflect upon how you are living your life and analyze if you are living for you, or for those who want to hold you captive...
The minute you stop just blindly following the crowd, is the minute you stop failing and start succeeding.

For those fortunate hearts
Who ignore the feeling
And for those unfortunate ones
Who impose the feeling
You'll know.

It is like forgetting the lyrics
Of your favourite song.
It is like having a cough
That just won't give up.
It is like every punch in the face
You've ever had and will ever have.
It is like forgetting midsentence
The last line of your essence.
It is like not being able to draw
What seemed perfect in your mind.
It is like the feeling you get
When you are strucked by the wind.
It is like spilling something
In your favourite shirt.
It is like a deep ache
You can't locate.
It is like loosing the last piece
Of a 1000 pieces puzzle.
It feels like falling
Without an end nor beginning

If you love someone who won't love you back.
You'll know.
It feels like everything you can think of.
Except for being loved back.

My worst fear is that you'll wake up one day & realise that there really isn't much to me.
That I'm not as funny , outgoing or as pretty as the other girls.
That I'm just me.

None of these places,
The towering cliffs,
The roaring seas,
The vast clouds,

None of them remind me of my inadequacy,
As much as your eyes do.

Love* is adapted from one half when the insecurities of one person become greater than their own self confidence

Love is adapted on the other half when the self-esteem of a person is enough to be given to another, in hopes for it to be reciprocated

When one half reaches the quintessence of inner confidence through the charisma and compassion of their "lover," he/she decides they're independent enough to complete their own individual path to spiritual enlightenment, while the other half becomes dead weight that is dragged along with them

The other half is so immersed in the happiness of their companion, his/her quest to enlightenment becomes conjoined with the path of their other half. Instead of working on his/her own quest to knowledge and understanding of the real truth behind love, their vision is vaporized into thin air to compensate for their partner's path to illumination. When one half has reached individual insight, their other half is swiftly disregarded and sent into a nightmare of insecurity and restlessness where they can only be woken up from the confidence and compassion of another human being. This is the most vicious cycle humanity will face until its demise.

Love is not a goal of solidarity, but rather a temporary method of combatting the insecurities you are subconsciously not aware of.

I do not care if
you do not love me,
for I have stored all the colours and
traced the secrets of your steps.

Your arm around my shoulder
is the first moment of the first sunrise
radiance caressing frozen webs of spider silk,
silver glory emanating golden dew.

I know no other way but
nor do I want for more, only to will
you stay; hang suspended on
backdrops of my blackest night.

So I do not care if
you do not love me;
I treasure that weakness enough
for the both of us.