I thought love was a game,
Something to be played.

But I was wrong.

People do get hurt.

The conversations layed out in front of me
like cards to be picked,

Choose the wrong one
and your fate could be flipped

Love turned into a guessing game

As if trying to step around an erupting volcano
Love explodes
Love runs out
Love turns to war.
You used to love them with all their imperfections
And they loved you with yours

But with all the ash in the air
No one could see it clear.

Love has blinded me
And I can no longer
see the rules.

Let's break all the tension with the pretense of my presence.
Yes, I'm insensitive--but there's no other incentive others can give--
And while I'm not sure I could prevent it, I swear to no god I'm inventive!

Yes,
My hatred is incessant--ever present--and it's what I hold most sacred.
I'm a naughty narcissist with a nasty list of wasted kisses,
And I won't say that I'll miss 'em, 'cuz I'm the type who never misses.

I'm a hopeless romantic with a new sense of Tantric hope,
It's the antics of a frantic mind, but I'm too calm to cope.
They say I'm a raving, violent--rarely silent--tyrant with a craving
for the obscene,
Though, while I'm mean, I'm rarely seen within a mob or in a scene.

I'll admit I've got a streak, but--if you'd stop to take a peek--
You'd see a Buddhist, not a nudist, who's less a demon than a geek.
I'm oblique and I'm obtuse (do these math puns work for you?) yet I'm rarely never right;
Get my angle? Catch my drift? I might thrash, but, man, I'm thrift!
Hold on shift: I'M SCREAMING NOW!!
Don't know why; don't have a cow!
Remember that? That 90's rap? Look at me then; that piece of crap!
Shot down! Torn up! Shut in! Turned out!
Lips are sealed; inside I'd shout,
'Bout just how bad I wanted out!
Enraged and crazed; cravin' razors; a victim hiding from all saviors!
Turned to the pen to brace for the knife,
Started writin' and saved my life.
It's funny to say my life got better the day I started a suicide letter...

But letters turned to words and those words became whole worlds,
And before my very eyes a whole legacy unfurled!
I was GOD--not just a slob--but a shaper of all things,
And the schemes that I'd been dreaming shifted into scribing,
And I never stopped since then; it's why I'm still alive!

So my insanity became vanity as calamity turned to amity.
Sheer pessimism became untamed narcissism,
But if the mind's a prison then consider me jail broken.
Outspoken, re-awoken; take a moment to let that soak in.
That a boy doubtful of tomorrow could ditch the sorrow,
And become an immortal--though immoral, not totally amoral.

So yea, I've got my faults; I'm a sensory assault,
And while I don't mean to offend I'm just a product of the ends.
Played with fire; I got burned.
Dared to aspire; I was turned.
So I inquire to you sires as I march out of the fires:
You've seen my darkness and know my story--beginning, middle, end--
My name is Nathan Squiers, do you wanna be my friend?

To the people who’ve taunted me.
I’ll to tell you this:
I’m not perfect, I know.
This is the sad part.

I don’t have the fairest skin,
Or a thigh gap and blue eyes.
I can’t do dance nor gymnastics.
Basically, I don’t have a lot to show.

And I know all these, I do!
But you keep throwing out constant reminders
To me… teasing this.
When will I ever take a break?

From all these expectations,
These insults and limitations.
Telling me I am not worth it.
Telling me I cannot make it.

I now believe you
That’s saddest part.
I believe you.
Oh I believe you so much it hurts even the people around me.

The “truth” you knew
Has become mine as well.
And I am just done, done with all this.
I am giving up.

Are you happy?
Are you happy,
My dear bullies?

Is that what you wanted to hear?
I cry every single day,
Thinking of the things I don’t have.
And all because of you.



But then, suddenly, something inside of me steers,
Right on my chest,
Like an awakening, oh so clear
Of some kind of hope or bravery…

I come to a conclusion that
A perfect me is preposterous!
‘Cause I wouldn’t be me if I was perfect.
No one can tell me who or what I am.

No one knows where I’ve been,
Who I’ve met,
And what I’ve been through
Better than myself.

I feel reborn! I feel in-charge!
I am an admiral
That yells, “Stand down soldier!”
‘Cause your mission will fail!

To make me feel useless and broken.
To make me feel worthless and weak.
And for what? To make yourself feel
As if you’re more than me?

I know! I know I’m not perfect.
And this is the great part.
I love who I am,
Together with all the little flaws that come with me.

I don’t have the fairest skin,
Or a thigh gap and blue eyes.
I can’t do dance nor gymnastics.
But this is who I am.

I am an admiral, tall and strong.
So, stand down soldier!
You’re gonna lose this fight
‘Cause I’m taking flight.