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Loser Apr 2019
You can find me waltzing at an ungodly hour under a blood red sky
with tears upon my pain stricken face and terror in my eyes.

You can tell me to stop, tell me how I’m hurting myself,
and still I will pick at the same seams until I find comfort in pain

You can hear me singing “So don’t let me cave in” in a basement at a party,
and know that if I do, it’s not your fault.

You can talk to me and I will listen.
And here. In this moment. In this interaction, I will smile. I will lie.
I will say that everything is fine.

But what makes you stand out is that you never believe me.
You have no idea how much I need that.
please don’t stop. when I say i’m fine i almost never am. keep asking. keep smiling . it keeps me safe.
Jaxey Apr 2019
i am sorry
that when you broke
i didn't help you back together
but started checking your pieces
to see if any of them could serve
to fill my missing ones
im okay
Loser Mar 2019
They always ask.
You always ask.
I know that you're there.
I know that you will always be there.
It's just that sometimes It's easier to say that I'm fine,
rather than telling you the truth.
How I feel as though my friends are strangers,
how all the songs I write don't make things better,
how you are in my reach yet I can't grasp you,
how I'm really not fine.
I wrote this forever ago. Finally got the guts to post it
Loser Mar 2019
I'm sick of these ******* enigmas.
Speaking in tongues and whispers and acting like I'm the nothing.
So I sit. And I stare. And walls never felt so comforting.
And if you focus, really concentrate, your vision closes in, and you can almost turn off the laughs. Until someone shatters the focus with an "are you okay?"

"Am I okay?...Of course I'm ******* okay..."

And it's true.
Honestly.
It took time, but once I got past the fact that all of my friends wear masks around me I decided to wear one too.
idk
MaiMai Mar 2019
Ember burning bright.
Born for destruction or born for light?

Can someone hate their creation?  Because I'm afraid of my own design. What I may be capable of. In a snap of a finger my ember can spark destroying what is and was.
"You're loved" is what you say but you can't get it though your brain. I'm impotent to my strength.

You don't want to look at me, don't look at me. You run away from me, run away from me. I am aware of my aftermath toxic smoke so it's ok. I know I cause nothing but heartache.

Beware because I've been known to ruin lives.
Use caution, I might spark into a raging fire
Be careful if you make me to happy I might burn you alive. Causing spiritual death leaving people shattered, trying to pick pieces, due to me forgetting about my hazard.

The word gentle isn't in my mental vocabulary. My touch, my touch is dangerous. It's warm at first, almost comforting in the beginning but the longer you hold me the more I singe. I don't want to cause you sanity. So stay away, far from my ember, in fear your oxygen will ignite this fire.

Embers burning bright
Born for destruction or born for light?
look at me in the eye then you decide.
Charlie Rose Mar 2019
“Are you okay?”
Everyone asks me the same question.
Do I look like Im not okay?
I know my eyes are rounded with pink and purple from not sleeping for days
I know I look like im dead but does that not make me okay?
I know i'm not but why did you ask?
Why do you want to know if I am?
Do you just want to feel like your helping or do you want to get close enough to know my secrets and paint them on a wall for everyone to see.
The truth gets stuck on my tongue and a lie erupts from my throat.
“Im Fine.”
Avoiding eye contact I scratch my face trying to pry the mask off.
This mask is the only thing that protects me.
I want to take it off at times but who knows what would happen.
It's so much easier to mask my feelings.
If I let them out of my jar then the colors will explode out in the open.
The glass will shatter and make it a dangerous playground for others.
I much rather be alone when this happens.
So no one else can get cut by the sharp clean Ragged edges.
I hide the truth cause it is so easy to.
No one tries to pry it out so I hide away with it.
Slightly Lovely Feb 2019
When I get up in the morning,
I’ll see you.
...
All we ever do is pull apart.
But I’d love to see this through,
Cause Darling you’re more special than you know.
More bright than you’ll ever conceive,
Kinder than  soft words,
Softer than my mother’s silk pillows.

I miss you.
0~0
Haylin Nov 2018
Can't you tell when I
say "I"m fine" of
how much pain and sadness
there is in my eyes?
When you ask me how I am.
I almost start to cry, but I just manage
to tell you such an easy lie.
And then I go home, wanting to die,
you still think I'm fine because you
didn't catch that horrible lie.
lovelywildflower Sep 2018
You called me your girlfriend and held my hand
You lifted up my spirit and healed a broken piece of me
Then you say we're not together
I knew it all just happened so easily
Why would someone like you want me?
Trust me, I'm fine.
Everyone leaves
Why did I think you could be different?
Maybe I'm being dramatic
But my heart breaks so easily
like glass
And that's why I don't open up so easily
I honestly don't feel like being shattered again
I just put all my pieces back together
Just a few days ago
I was put back together again
and you know what?
I did it.
Me
No one else was around to help
And then you showed up
I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do it alone anymore
I know we just met
But I get my hopes up so easily
And I thought you'd be the one to save me
Why do you think I approached you?
I don't usually do that kind of thing
But it's fine.
I don't mind.
I just have to get used to being hurt again
by everyone in my life
I should just give up on love
Love *****
And I just have to pretend like I'm okay, right?
I've been told that my fake smiles look so real
I can lie
And pretend I'm fine
Because that's what I'm used to
I don't let anyone see me
The real me
Because they have the ability to hurt me
And almost everyone I let know me had the audacity
to use that against me
I destroy myself when I'm hurt
I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't freaking breathe
And I'm a crybaby
I cry about everything
Everything I feel goes straight to my heart
and shatters it
And why would you be interested in that?
Exactly.
I'll just have to change my heart into shatter-proof glass
So just lie and say you're alright
Lie and say you're alright
Lie and say you're alright
Lie and -
I'm alright!
that sometimes, when i say "i'm fine",
i don't mean "save me" -
i mean i can figure it out on my own

- v.m
anxiety is a bish sometimes.
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