Tragedy always finds me
It stalks around me hiding in corners I don’t dare look.
Walking behind buildings pushing through the crowd.
Jumping roof to roof to fall down ******* top of me crashing my bones to ash.
Fading away with nothing left, I lay still playing dead hoping it will go away.
Like a rabid dog its thirst for blood is strong.
I can’t hide from it cause it knows me to well.
After it rips me to pieces my body lays trembling in fear.
It whispers in my ear sending knifes down my back and fear into my heart.
It won’t leave me be.
Tragedy always finds me.
I See People smiling as colors dance around them
Trees bowing down to the wind with forceful mercy
Shadows following everyone like a stalker always sneaking closely
I Hear Water gracefully slamming into the crowded shore
Laugher erupting from the throats of nighbores called friends
Deep conversions running into sharp whispers cutting the silents
I Smell The fresh air run past me quickly
Sickly sweet perfume flow softly along the waterside
Children's sweat barely masked by wilting flowers they carry
I feel The hot sun beating on my back
Like a stalker watching their prey I shiver sorry
Alone even though everyone looks towards me with smiles
It Reminds me of when I was there, alive.
Everyday is the same.
It's like the weeks are replaying
Every second every minute every hour.
I feel like i'm the only one that feels this way.
Probably because I can't get a grip on time.
The clock ticks away the seconds
The seconds turn into minutes and so on.
The day goes by to fast.
That means everyday I feel like i'm growing colder.
The colder I get the less I don’t care what happens.
I feel like my body, soul, and mind are not mine.
Like someone else is taking over.
I feel like i'm submerged under water, but breathing.
Everyday I get more and more submerged.
Deeper and Deeper the pressure becomes unbearable.
My chest gets so heavy.
Sometimes I feel my chest crack.
It's a pain that no one should feel.
A pain that people don’t understand.
I try to tell someone but my throat closes and I choke.
Suddenly my breathing gets thin and I start to shake.
Fear creeps in and gets comfortable.
The home that felt like silk, turns into hell.
I run so fast that my legs can’t keep up.
They break and snap in half trapping me in my own mind.
That's okay right?
Walking through school with a mask on hoping no one sees your porcelain face.
Hoping that when I open my mouth the truth will stay locked away.
Hoping that I can hold My tears back when someone asks if i’m okay.
The same tears that bring comfort at 3am.
If they bring comfort then why hold them back.
They feel like acid seeping out of my eyes burning down my cheeks.
They leave a memory that no one wants.
So that's when I feel like i'm drowning.
That moment that I can’t see light and i’m laying in the middle of a room that was once familiar.
The only light that I can see is dangerous.
I Stare at it and wonder what people would think If They saw the scars or scabs.
Would they ask if i'm okay or just look the other way.
Would they just pretend everything is okay.
When I lay in the middle of the room that was once mine I feel empty
An emptiness that hurts.
Have you ever starved yourself.
Remember the pain that you felt in your gut?
That's what the emptiness feels like.
I’ll lay there till My body turns into a graveyard of broken bones.
My mind will be wondering around asking it self what happened.
My breath will blow dust up and turn into a tornado that swirls around my heart playing with the strings like a violin.
When the dust clears and the worst is over my heart aches.
I open my eyes to see nothing but darkness.
I've been left to wonder what I did wrong.
Left with no answer I search.
I get lost and colder than before.
You’ll think that I would die from hypothermia but I don’t
It seems like I can’t die.
Nothing can **** what's already walking dead.
I wanna feel normal again.
Like when I was a kid.
I overlooked all the bad things and just lived.
Now I can’t miss one bad thing.
I don’t see the good things.
I only see the bad or terrifying things.
There's no inbetween.
Everything I try and see good everything just crashes down to remind me what's bad.
I have panic attacks often.
I had a really bad one once, I couldn’t breath.
I just layed in my bed and covered my mouth holding my breath because I didn’t want anyone to hear me.
I've done that so many times I can’t even recall what happened.
I try to do better but nothing works.
I pretend to feel okay but okay is getting harder to fake.
Fake it till you make it right?
“Are you okay?”
Everyone asks me the same question.
Do I look like Im not okay?
I know my eyes are rounded with pink and purple from not sleeping for days
I know I look like im dead but does that not make me okay?
I know i'm not but why did you ask?
Why do you want to know if I am?
Do you just want to feel like your helping or do you want to get close enough to know my secrets and paint them on a wall for everyone to see.
The truth gets stuck on my tongue and a lie erupts from my throat.
Avoiding eye contact I scratch my face trying to pry the mask off.
This mask is the only thing that protects me.
I want to take it off at times but who knows what would happen.
It's so much easier to mask my feelings.
If I let them out of my jar then the colors will explode out in the open.
The glass will shatter and make it a dangerous playground for others.
I much rather be alone when this happens.
So no one else can get cut by the sharp clean Ragged edges.
I hide the truth cause it is so easy to.
No one tries to pry it out so I hide away with it.
Sometimes there's nothing to smile about
Other times you smile about the nothing
Taunting the nothing as you paint a smile on your face.
A smile that can bright up a whole room.
The same one you shoot at everyone to make them smile.
You paint a real smile on.
The fake one you used to love.
Watch it fade into a deep blue ocean.
See it sink into the darkness, the oh so comforting darkness.
The same darkness that held you when you broke apart
When you felt like nothing it gave you something.
It gave you a purpose
Told you to stay alive when all you wanted to do was disappear.
Fading into the warm light in a house called home.
It showed you home.
Turn away but never forget why you have a real smile.
Walk back to the now empty house your too ashamed to call a home.
My brother, my best friend
His wife, my sister in law.
She holds a key that goes to a cage.
After your wonderful wedding
After everyone leaves and all the smiles and laughs are gone.
She blindfolds you and you will willingly follow her voice into a cage of hurt.
She tricks you into closing the cage like the stupid genius you are
I don’t know when you will take off the blindfold holding your greatest desires.
When she leaves I beg and plea for you to take off the blindfold but you can't hear me.
She has cut off your ears and put them on a plate.
She then forces me into a cage.
She knows I'm the only one that sees through her poker faces.
She knows they are fading, melting off her skin.
But she has turned you against me.
Poison dripping from your ears onto your skin.
You bleed and she just lets it drip.
Drip, drip, drip
Tell me you can’t hear or feel the stinging.
The smell of burning flesh is masked by the smell of your favorite foods.
My brother, my best friend
Your not alone till she kills me.
She might soon so please, open your eyes and see the world you worked so hard for.
The same world that you opened to her and she set fire to.
Hear me, calling up to you.
I'm still your kid sister right?
You still love me, Right?
Today I am feeling better.
Witch really means worse but for your sake, I lied.
See how easy that was to lie.
Your to innocent.
“When you're older you’ll understand better.”
Everyone says that.
I just don’t want you to end up like me.
Lying I mean.
I lie to everyone.
No one seems to see.
They might be looking into my eyes but they have no idea what I've seen.
I lie because I want one person to see past the walls.
Just one, that can see how broken I am.
Why can’t they see that I need guidance to honesty.
It’s impossible to get out of a dark room that has no light.
Feeling the walls for a mystery.
My hands slide down the walls and stretch way above my head looking for one answer.
One way out.
Another hand perhaps.
Today I am feeling worse then I did before.
See how hard it was to say one truth?
— The End —