we are sentient,
we carve ourselves from gravel,
from volcanic rock and dying evergreen.

we crawl through clouds of dust,
limp on injured feet, tired hands.
we are arbitrary, we evolved to decay.

because we live in graveyards of our own
before,
dead selves.
we bury grief, after every
collapse, every bitter break of these bones.

we keep our skin as treasure.
we dig out our eyes,
to replace them with hands,
as if what we see,
could somehow be grasped,
and what he hold,
could somehow become lost.

cotton,
cotton we wove from webbed skin,
from burnt hair.

veins,
that were never meant to burst,
veins we thread needles through,
as if they were yarn,
as if they were something we could use to stitch ourselves back up again.

if you’ve seen him.
you’d know,
nothing gold can stay
and this is why,
i can’t wait for the day,
where you turn foe
so i can love you,
endlessly

Often,
Words elude expression
And on pages blank,
No ink splashes emotion.

Often,
Words refuse to materialize.
And when parched lips part,
No secrets elicit nourishment
To the bleeding heart.

Often,
Colours play hide and seek.
And inside bland lives,
Never do hearts find a reason to beat and beat and beat.

But often,
Expression survives without the crutches of words.
And even the blankness of pages
Become evidence for the empty hollowness gnawing inside.

But often, blurred words escape the rhizome of parched lips
As they quiver and quiver in hopelessness and speak a tongue of their own.

But often,
Bland lives fail to seek colours and remain bland
Their world turns into a living coffin
While the dead caravan of numerous bones breathlessly goes on and on and on.

You and I were a photo finish
Crossing the line together
Neck and neck like always
And in the end
Neither of us could claim victory
But both of us managed to hoist the trophy of misery

There are other worlds, they whispered
One hands me a cage, I'm his bird
I left myself in there to die
An eagle without wings can't fly
Think of new worlds within these walls
But never leave to see them all
Never know the way they did fall
Just eat your seeds, my tired dear

I close my eyes
All I see is my love reflected back at me
A love that never lies
But you stand there looking at my locked heart with the key

I can’t stand being alone
But I’m not scared of what I may see
Our love has surely flown
Through the valleys to the crystal sea

I stand here thanking you
Thoughts of you flying in my mind
As I stand here looking over the ocean blue
You are something I thought I’d never find

Seeing you standing there staring back at me
I see our love will surely be

When I look upon my path
All I can see is light
I feel a beating in my chest
But it's never felt quite right
The sounds will echo in my hollow head
The sounds will remain until I'm dead
An opportunity to climb the ladder
A door opened with success in sight
My heart can't help but feel sadder
My lungs run out of air
The will to continue has always been my swear
But what can I do when my legs go numb
When the thought of being without makes me feel bare
My hands will sweat
My heart will race and in that moment I'll care
Still I won't know
And maybe I'll never feel what I've imagined
And maybe I'll remain too scared to tell what happened
I'm privileged
I'm supported
But that's not going to change it
That feeling of hatred
That inadequacy
I'll still feel like a ghost
I'll still feel wasted.
Those dreams of warmth
My dreams of hope
They leave a crack in me
They leave a hole of frost behind
I need that warmth
Because maybe in time I'll be less than anyone can see
That's not a promise or a threat
It's my prediction
It's my fear that I'll never forget

And I'm looking
through the other-side
now of a cafe window
at a collection of asian tourists
joyfully wandering
up and down 18th street.
Do they know
I don't belong here,
ordering a 12 dollar cocktail
pretending to type behind
a laptop glow. Do they know
I don't belong here
and I am not scenery
and not a local,
in this country
I feel someplace else.