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Amber K Feb 2018
"Hello, how are you?"
I say in a voice I can't believe is mine.
I hate it so much.
It's become like nails on a chalkboard to my ears.

I ask the human in front of me,
"What can I get you today?"
They ignore me.
Finally someone approaches.

It's an older lady,
gray bushy hair with wild eyes.
I smile and begin to take her order.
She begins to make rude remarks towards me.

She leaves,
someone else approaches.
It's a man angry about a price I did not set.
He takes it out on me.

I take all of the verbal punches.
From people who have had their worst days,
to people who are just too privileged to give a little kindness,
I smile through it all.

I don't really think anyone who walks in,
really sees me as a human being.
They don't see that I fight social anxiety for a living,
or that I go through things too.

They don't care.
They don't want to care.
When they ask how I am,
they don't want an honest answer.

I wonder if they would smile,
or compliment me instead of insulting me,
if I weren't standing behind a counter,
taking orders and giving change.
Working with the public is rough. I've had the job I  have right now for awhile and everyday I am still shocked at how customers (and bosses) treat workers at restaurants. I try to smile and be kind to every customer service worker I ever come in contact with, because it can definitely get to you if you have people insulting you or treating you like crap from 7 in the morning until 3 in the evening.
Druzzayne Rika Feb 2018
Blank expression expresses enough thoughts
the unlived unemoted invasive grows
undefined remaining unused words
undelighted lazy curves
untriggered to any stimuli
selected to roam mindscapes
honest to the truth.
L F WEEZY Jan 2018
How much is my life worth in the eye of myself?
How do I speak when my heart won't allow the words to leave my mouth?
How do you look in the mirror when you **** an angel’s heart?
How do you keep lying to me when you know it wasn't true from the start?
I'm so confused about this crazy world that I'm in
I search for answers in the people who I'm around but I'm starting to think they don't get it
I know that last thought was long winded
But that's just how long my thoughts stretch in my mind through the day
Been talking to a reverend lately and she just telling me to pray
Well excuse me God but sometimes I wonder if he listens
I know he there cause I felt him before
But lately it's been different
I don't know if I can feel anymore
I feel numb and hurt at the same time
I guess my emotions have beaten me till I'm blue
****** and bruised on the inside but clean cut on the outer
Everyone wears a mask to hide what they find ugly
I wish I could see the beauty in the imperfections
I guess it's the fault in my stars
The smudge on the heart
Pureness has left my soul and I don't think it's coming back
Running away from my problems until the skin on my heel tears
Fighting with myself until my knuckles bleed
I can't get over all my evil and sinful deeds
A born sinner is what I am
An perfect being is what I'm not  
Nostalgia in my mind when I think of home
When I think about everything I've been through…..
And the fact that I'm still standing……
The only thing that's left…..
Is my mind……
Blown.
had a lot on my mind lately
Floyd Jan 2018
**** it - this what I asked for ,
Now should I beg for more ?
Tell me ,as it consumes my core.
My brain been on a different level lately .
No more creative thoughts - they're all looking gloomy & dark .
Unsuspected ****** to my back - and the pain is so sharp .
I can't ever trust a soul - ain't no telling who's really here for me.
Me - being the main one everyone seems to call .
When their light vanishes - yet I'm the one rarely panicking.
It's my life - that's faker than a mannequin.
They say I should breathe - inhale deep & exhale a little slower .
I don't feel like anyone cares - why should I let this feeling roll over?
Now , why shouldn't I take my life ?
Living hasn't been feeling too right - maybe dying would be a little more nice.
I haven't even been smiling the same .
Who has the controller , to this ****** up game - it isn't fair .
So if death a little more equal - than **** it , I'm not even scared.
& when I'm in front of the devil , & god ask why'd you do it - I'll yell " **** it , **** - I'm already here"
No ,I'm not taunting no being - this is how I truthfully feel .
Numb to the world - I thought I'd be used to the pain .
This pain is like an eruption of fire , mixed into the clouds and the rain .
Then you're soaked in the heat - as poverty pulls at your feet .
Like a great battle that you're constantly losing - you try to retreat , and quicksand cease all of your moving.
I'm stuck with irrational thoughts , thinking , "I can't ****** do this".
Intelligently clueless, this mind is so crucial .
Floyd Jan 2018
Marinating in pain , losing conscious of my subconscious .
I need a manual to this manipulative mind.
Mind over matter , but I can't seem to gaze into that looking glass, & stay proud of myself.
Somehow , still self confident - I'm really not too fond of y'all help.
I'm trapped in a dark room , surrounded by ovalish lights - all eyes on me.
You see , this room is my mind , and these lights are my thoughts - yet I still can't seem to calculate where the **** is my heart.
I'm dull with a spark - of something unexplainable and cold.
It feels like god made me the only one , who's intrigued with cracking this code .
A smile hides a million tears , tell me something I don't faithfully  show.
Im in love with the pain , but often I pretend like I'm not .
Persuading my limbic system that I don't love anyone , so maybe the pain can ease - since I know it won't stop .
It all came crashing - so very swift .
Simultaneously nothing seemed to make the slightest of switch.
Bad choices seem to invade like the most uncomfortable itch .
Itching my soul , to become a better person .
Hopefully these feelings don't cause my coldness to worsen .
Lately the devil has been continuously working .
Like a plague , that keeps spreading - it must die down .
Though happiness is far - I shouldn't frown .
For it will come back, when I stop saving pain from being drowned .
Olivia Jan 2018
Madness

Never
apologize
for feeling too
recklessly,

the greatest lessons
are
always
learned
through

Madness
Madness
danny Jan 2018
With this ring I thee wed,
Never assumed those words would leave my lips
But they did.

Unsure of what the word vow actually meant or entailed.
All I knew for certain was that vows are fragile.
Broken and they can end worlds.

What comes next?
I do not know, with you by my side.
I do not need to know, or worry.

I just want a love like the ring I gave you.
Wrapped around you and shining,
Your body, heart and mind wrapped inside.
Vizier Jan 2018
You
At times, she is selfish, sometimes insecure and impatient. She has her flaws and a hint of sadness in her eyes, but she hides it well behind a smile that almost appears natural. She’s delicate but tough. Mostly tough on herself. The mistakes in which she’s made often eat away at her conscience. She’s honest, but there are things she keeps to herself, understanding that not everyone deserves to unlock her secret door. There is madness on her mind, chaos in her heart, but there’s this quiet sense of hope that still lives within her soul. She isn’t perfect but she’s remarkable. She is you.
Not much of a poem, but more something of a rant about someone I recently met.
Skylar Keith Jan 2018
They say loyalty is the most important
I beg to differ

Honesty

If you can't give me that
Then you have nothing to give me
KDM Jan 2018
Space may give you a shelter,

& time may hold your tears.

Silence may carry your burdens,

& your conscience may listen to your fears.

Solitude may bring you temporary comfort,

& you may fight this war for years.

Your mind may try to deceive you,

& decisions may seem unclear.

If you find yourself doubting,

worrying for all that you hold near,

there is one thing you must promise to remember,

no matter who proves to be insincere.

Through the good times & the bad times,

we will never veer.

You will never truly be alone.

Not while we share the same biosphere.
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