my head hurts
in a way
that ******* gross aspirin cannot fix
i can still taste the overdose
in the back of my throat
the pits of my
aching stomach
trying to expel
its chalky white substance
my head hurts
i'm too traumatized by
"pills"
fix me, ******* magically fix me
please

Give me a few choices
about what to do with my life
And I will gladly chose the one
that fits me the best and be happy with where I am

But the world is a vast place
with so many things to do.

I am not into only one thing
I want to do more
than I ever could with my time on earth

So here I am,
about to join the workforce
without any idea about what direction my life will go in

And you are asking me, a 17 year old girl,
to decide exactly what I want to do with my life
when I have experiences to little

And then you laugh when I tell you
I'm having a mid school crisis
and that the stress is overpowering
and that I'm slowly losing my mind

when you dont want to be here, but you're too tired to try not to be,
just look around and maybe you'll see
oh dear, how much you really mean to me.

if only i could see

It's hard to get along
In life when Depression's
Hold on me is so strong.
Holding me under and
Causing me to drown
In my own thoughts of
Worthlessness, shame,
Pain, harm, death, sadness.
They're overwhelming.
I can't sleep, can't breathe;
It's begun to affect
My relationships;
It's hurt me more times
Than I can count.
It causes other conditions
Like anxiety and OCD;
Which in turn causes
My Dermotillomania
And over-analyzing
Ways of thinking.
I'm so tired of it.
I just want to sleep forever;
Lay in his arms
And just fly away into
A beautiful dream for
All of eternity.
Please, I'm so tired.
Please, I beg you,
Let me have peace and rest.
*I'm...
So....
Tired....

You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't

But I need help

Not your help
not yours either
Definately not your help
You couldn't

But I need help

It's a bit much
A lot much
More than I want much
I shouldn't

I just need help

Should ask him what's up
Maybe get him to talk
He can trust me
No you shouldn't
I hope you wouldn't

He doesnt
He can't talk
He can't trust you
He just needs help

You can't
You couldn't
You won't
and you wouldn't

Head down
Hair up
Don’t say a word.
Walk past
Quickly now
They might see you.
Duck into class
Sink in your seat
Don’t risk it
They might see you.
Long sleeves
Mostly black
Blend into the crowd
So they won’t see you.
If they do
They’ll judge you
Every move
Every breathe
They’re judging you.
Your name is called
Just walk past
Quicker
Hurry
Before they notice
That you’re
not the same.
Leave behind
Any thoughts of fitting in
Because
this is you
And if you aren’t
Completely silent
They might notice you.

Struggling to breathe,
To live,
To do something.
But I can't.
My faith is failing;
My depression, overwhelming.
Temptation hits me
As hard as a train;
I feel guilty for it,
Though I haven't
Done a single thing.
I'm tired and hurting;
I'm just falling apart.